Dear Readers,
I am writing this to tell you about a new perspective, neurodiversity, as a way to think about both high sensitivity and autism (otherwise quite different). The perspective applies to other brain differences as well, but it is especially appropriate to focus on autism because April is Autism Awareness Month. The neurodiversity viewpoint was brought to my attention by friend and colleague (and HSP), writer Jenara Nerenberg, as it is the subject of much of her work right now.
The Neurodiversity Perspective
To be very clear, the brain research continues to find high sensitivity and autism quite different, but they also have something in common. High sensitivity and autism spectrum are terms that describe differences—differences in brains that make them not typical. The neurodiversity “movement” wonders why the majority of brain differences (not due to injury or infection) can’t be seen as simply variations in human experiences rather than some of them being disorders? A disorder means someone is impaired or suffering, and we have made it very clear that people are not impaired or suffering simply because of having a highly sensitive brain. Likewise, many of those on the autism spectrum (or diagnosed with ADHD) also feel they are wrongly viewed as having a disorder when in fact their particular trait (brain difference), even if unusual, can make important contributions to the world. They do not feel impaired or that they are suffering. They feel they are just different.
This problem of disorder versus difference is the exact struggle we are having around high sensitivity—trying to explain ourselves to the majority, who are without the trait and who sometimes perceive it as a weakness or even a disorder. Can we extend ourselves to those who feel they are in a similar predicament? Can we envision a middle group that is “neurotypical” and those not in the middle as simply “neuroatypical” or “neurodivergent,” as Jenara pointed out to me? Since HSPs are 20% of the population, more or less, we are certainly not in the middle and typical. But maybe the bottom line is that every brain is different, and some more different than others.
I personally am not denying that some neurodivergent brains lead to real impairments that are very disabling and nearly impossible to surmount, although some speaking from the neurodivergent perspective may disagree and see everything as simply divergent and never a disorder. This has caused others to oppose the neurodivergent perspective, arguing that failing to see “disorder” could mean failing to provide useful treatment. There are always two sides, yes?
Two Sides, but One is New and Less Heard
The main thing is to listen to the question raised by the idea of neurodiversity: Can we allow diversity without so quickly diagnosing a difference as a disorder? As Jenara asked me on the phone, “Why must we always pathologize difference?” Can we recognize that most brain differences, even if they do create some challenges, have offsetting advantages, offering humanity the benefits of this neurodiversity? That is certainly the case with high sensitivity.
Further, as with high sensitivity, Jenara points out, “the expression of neurodivergence is another case of differential susceptibility.” In a nurturing environment, both in childhood and where they work, neurodivergent individuals often exceed others in certain areas. For example, those with ADHD often have “hyperfocus,”—the subject of Jenara’s New York Magazine article —which manifests as being able to make greater progress than others on a problem, even if not being very well organized in other ways. But without skilled parenting in childhood or if, as adults, they are in an environment that does not suit their trait —including one in which they are labeled, shunned, or ridiculed—their functioning really is impaired. Why not improve that, as we hope things will improve for HSPs?
So the benefits of neurodiversity are real, including the diversity provided by high sensitivity, but to take advantage of these benefits society will have to contain the prejudice and diagnostic “name-calling” and even bullying that comes from seeing diversity only as impairment.
How HSPs Could Look at It
I want to be very clear, one more time, that I am not saying that highly sensitive people are the same as those on the autistic spectrum, as some have argued. But some people will be both highly sensitive and autistic, and just to spell it out, some will be only highly sensitive or only autistic, and some will be neither. Everyone’s temperament consists of more than one trait (or brain difference). HSPs can always have other traits, such as high sensation seeking. Still, in important ways research finds that the usual brain functioning of HSPs and those on the autistic spectrum IS different.
What I hope I am saying is that I would like us as HSPs to rethink this issue enough to extend our understanding and sense of community to all of those who experience discrimination or marginalization due to neurodivergence, in the same way society has learned—though still in progress—to extend their caring to those who experience prejudice in other categories. As Jenara says, “We live in a neurotypical-dominant society.”
Ranking versus Linking, Again
We are going to notice disagreement and conflict around this issue of neurodiversity. I hope that we as HSPs can try to cool the anger that can arise when extreme positions are taken. (“We’re completely normal!” versus “You are clearly suffering from a disorder.”) Our culture seems to be taking extreme sides in many areas.
Remember, people take extreme positions because they feel threatened. Some have built research or clinical careers around their positions. Others feel their self-worth has been very wrongly attacked. I would like to see HSPs cool some of this by listening courteously to both sides, especially to their underlying very human needs, and not just to those “on our side.”
That is, for the sake of the larger human picture, can we help the world by role modeling more linking and less ranking? (I’ve written about these two instincts in several places, including here and here.)
Special thank you to Jenara Nerenberg for her invaluable input. Do follow her work here and look out for her forthcoming book on the topic. You can also reach Jenara at jenarawrites@gmail.com.
Dear Elaine
I would be very interested in links to the research evidence of differences in brain function as much of the ‘DOES’ can relate to individuals on the Autistic Spectrum, particularly as lack of empathy has been mooted to be a separate condition to ASC per se. The theory of differential susceptibility might be relevant with regards to environmental influences if the ASC population start off with highly sensitive nervous systems.
In my experience families with an autistic child often have HSPs in the mix too. If there is not a clear genetic link, perhaps some HSPs are drawn to marry ASC partners. That happened in my case, and on reflection, a major influence was my desire to ‘help’ my (undiagnosed) ASC husband. We are now divorced but the marriage resulted in a mix of ASC and HSP children.
I have been wondering lately if there may be a genetic link between high sensitivity and/or sensation seeking and autism, bi-polar, ADHD, etc. It seems likely that highly sensitive people would be more likely to have these conditions triggered. I would be interested to see some research on this.
I’m an HSP. I have an uncle on the spectrum, and my paternal grandmother was bi-polar. My father is undiagnosed, but is likely atypical as well. Just offering some more anecdotal evidence to support a genetic link to neurodiversity.
I scored a 19 on the adult test, and am an older male. I also have bipolar and epilepsy, as did my mother, who was also highly sensitive and empathic (made her a good nurse but difficult to work). I always thought that my traits of hating loud noises (with the exception of music, mostly classical/istrumental) and other disturbances was just linked with being an introvert. Now I wonder if it is hps that causes the introverted behaviour. I also do “hyperfocus” on tasks (made me an excellent problem-solver, programmer and technician) and I am considered gifted in intelligence. Any idea if there is causation between hps and introversion, or just a correlation?
I am an HSP person and my son is high functioning on the autism spectrum. My mom suffered from clinical depression/anxiety, my brother has ADHD, and my husbands brother is schizophrenic, from what I have read all of these disorders share some sort of DNA coding. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/01/health/study-finds-genetic-risk-factors-shared-by-5-psychiatric-disorders.html
From my experience with autism (which I know may be quite different than others), those on the spectrum are hyper sensitive to environmental stimulaton as well as the emotions and experiences of those around them. Their reaction to intense stimulation and or emotions is to occasionally become aggressive/tantrum, or appear anti-social/uncaring simply because they are unable to process the excess of stimulation and emotions of others.
To the comments about autism. There are a lot of prejudice of autistic people and their ability to feel empathy. The ability to emphatize has its own spectrum, and there are autistic people with no empathy, and those autistics who have too much of it. And also all those in between. As in the general public, empathy varies in the group of autistic people. So you can’t judge an autistic person from the old schools view as autistics having no empathy. There’s a lot of new knowledge about the autistic spectrum, so please don’t spread the old inadequate disinformation about autistic people as aggressive and non empathetic. Not all autistic people throw tantrums, many of them bottle up a lot of painful emotions inside, and retire to their homes to process the over stimulation in a dark room.
Thank you….. very well said. To much miss information out there. I am trying to counter that as well. I am a human being with an HSP brain married to another human with a aspie brain. I get and admire his superpowers and he does the same with me. We compliment each other. It helps if you have some emotional intelligence.😉✌️
Or the tantrums are not actually tantrums but overload of senses , emotions and empathy. I am on the spectrum and do meltdown when too much is going on around me. I am also HSP and have ADHD and terrible anxiety. Sometimes all of the combined cause an outburst. As an adult, i can manage them better but can’t deal with too much especially with being misunderstood by most of the population on top of that. I never mean to be aggressive .
Kirs I see a lot of merit in what you say. I wonder if at the end of the day each have a different label but are all triggered by by HSP traits being played out in different ways. Although it is often thought with some of these so called mental disorders a person has no sensitivity I have long believed they have but display it in different ways. For instance for many years if I could feel the pain a person was suffering because of another person I would attack the instigator who had created the pain in the other person. I still struggle to control this today (I guess I jump to their rescue ). I doubt if I am seen as a very sensitive person and yet i score true in 21 out of the 27 questions.
So so true. Spot on with my experience. Father was very bipolar out of control anger to rage so being in that environment for 22 years you can guess the outcome. He probably either would have gotten a diagnosis of Aspergers or Borderline Personality Disorder. Fortunately, my mother was the empathic model I can view. My diagnosis Aspergers, ADHD, and Bipolar.
Hi everyone — just wanted to send an update that we are holding a retreat on these exact questions, titled “Highly Sensitive and Neurodivergent: Nervous System Healing for All.” Here is the link, do join us: https://1440.org/programs/personal-development/highly-sensitive-and-neurodivergent
Especially relevant if you identify as both HSP / ADHD or HSP / Autistic or HSP / SPD etc.
Our email is community@divergentlit.com if you have any questions.
Thanks so much for your interest and see you soon!
Jenara
Perhaps experience itself can form a basis for community, whether or not its causes are considered known, let alone related or even identical. Is it not our experience which is to form the true basis of relationship, ideas about ourselves and one another formed and informed thereby rather than the other way around? Let us think of how to validate one another’s experiences without robbing ourselves of autonomy over what our explanations mean to let alone for us ourselves as individuals both personally and within one another’s lives.
This is an excellent point, N. “Perhaps experience itself can form a basis for community.” To me, it is the lived internal experience of the world that cuts through so many categorizations of identity, including gender, race, ability, etc. No matter how we designate a person’s unique makeup — whether we call it autistic or we call it highly sensitive — there are experiences we all share in common. My understanding–not necessarily Elaine’s–is that the DSM evolved to categorize traits (what they call “disorders”) in order to “treat” people according to a set of “symptoms.” But in reality what matters is experience, as you say, and that is often internal, unseen to those on the outside. -Jenara
I have been lightly diagnoses with autism spectrum especially because I had problems with language while I was young AND I am definitely an HSP. I think I have traits of both but I haven’t found anything about what it looks like when a person has both. Can anyone refer me to articles or websites that discuss the expression of both these differences in the same person. Thank you.
Hi Amy — I’d be happy to discuss with you and we are building a knowledge base around the cross-over of some of the traits as found in autism, HSP, and ADHD. It’s also the subject of my book that Elaine mentioned above. Feel free to reach out to me at jenarawrites @ gmail
Hello. I have both traits, as well. I am very HSP and have indications of being on the ASD as well. I am lost in this whole process of trying to understand myself better. I would also like resources for someone who may have both. If it helps any, I score as INFJ but very close to being INTJ… Thank you.
Hi Sherlyn — happy to discuss further. Please email jenarawrites @ gmail
Hi Sherlyn,
I also am INFJ and have been wondering recently if I have traits of both or whether they are all linked to being HSP.
I’d be very interested to talk to you more if you are willing?
Jenni x
Hi everyone — just wanted to send an update that we are holding a retreat on these exact questions, titled “Highly Sensitive and Neurodivergent: Nervous System Healing for All.” Here is the link, do join us: https://1440.org/programs/personal-development/highly-sensitive-and-neurodivergent
Especially relevant if you identify as both HSP / ADHD or HSP / Autistic or HSP / SPD etc.
Our email is community@divergentlit.com if you have any questions.
Thanks so much for your interest and see you soon!
Jenara
Great news!
i would like to know the differences between HSP and ASD.
I had the same question and found this article on the HSP website under FAQ’s http://hsperson.com/faq/hs-or-asd/
Hello, Elaine!
I don’t remember how I came across your work, but I am glad I did as it is now inspiring me to change my career and look deeper into people’s souls. I am pretty convinced I belong to the HSP part of the population and I am married to someone who suspects they have a mild Asperger’s syndrome. It is not always easy, but the funniest thing is that this is the only person I have got along with really well in my entire life. I don’t know if I have changed due to my immigration (as I was an object of discrimination, and I still feel like I am one) to a different country, and probably I have become more rational in order to survive, but the result is that.
I also wanted to ask if there is any data about the link between high sensitivity and mental health. I just finished watching the Netflix series “13 Reasons Why” and I remember having felt like Hannah. In many cases in my life, I have got the comment “Oh, you are just so overwhelmingly sensitive…, why do you react like that…?” which has made me feel really “abnormal”. And that feels lonely.
My parents say that the time of my life, when I have been the calmest, and the happiest, is when I was horseback riding. I had to stop due to problems with my spine, but I love hanging out with horses and riding every now and then.
So, I would love to read if you have any information about mental health and high sensitivity. I would think there is a link, the way there is a link between bullying and depression.
Looking forward to watching the movies and reading your new posts.
Sincerely,
Teo
Hi Teo — thank you for sharing and I think you are onto something in your quest to better understand yourself and sensitivity and society as a whole. There is absolutely a link to mental health — Elaine does discuss that in her books, especially regarding depression. My feedback to you would be to harness your sensitivity as a gift and keep pursuing that curiosity. -Jenara
Thank you for a excellent description of what I experience everyday in my work with counsellinh Young people with speciel needs.
I love the therm Neurodiversity. I is so much more helpful for understanding yourself in a world where the neuro-typicals set the standards.
Linking instaed of ranking❤️
Absolutely, Anne-Lise — please reach out if you or your organization need more input around neurodiversity. We are building a larger knowledge-base around neurodiversity and increasingly linking it to practice and implementation. Feel free to reach out: jenarawrites @ gmail
Just when I realize I’m a HSP inmediately I thought that maybe os somemting un común with autistic behaviour.
Great article. I think the neurodiversity movement is incredibly important, and I definitely believe HSP is a form of neurodivergence. Learning about HSP has really helped me understand myself, and I certainly view myself as having brain difference rather than disorder. My book series, Bounders, has an ensemble cast of neurodiverse kids, some of whom I would say are HSP. I draw from my own and my family’s experience in crafting the characters. While HSP is distinct, I think we’d find a lot of overlap in families/family systems of autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, sensory processing disorder, addiction, affective disorders and other examples of neurodiversity.
I learned I was a HSP a few years ago, at the age of 33. And I’m just learning about neurodiversity now that I have a daughter diagnosed with autism. I feel there must be a genetic component. And I definitely don’t view autism as a disorder – it’s a difference in neurology, just like high sensitivity. I hope to help teach her that her differences are a strength.
Dear Elaine,
Speaking of neurodiversity, are there sub-phenotypes of HSP?
I recognize people who are HS to the magnitude of the somatic stimuli, i.e volume of sound, intensity of smells, While others are HS to the stimuli mental representation, i.e sad music, memorable smells, etc.
Thanks,
Hello Elaine,
thank you very much for this piece, it’s interesting to read about this issue.
You speak of “our culture seems to be taking extreme sides in many areas” – I take it you mean the American culture? Being Dutch, I find that in the Netherlands this is less prevalent, though it seems to grow again. And one of the possible reasons for this may be, as you point out, fear of “the other”. Might it also be that it is easier to take extreme sides? You don’t have to think about other possibilities that way.
and in answer to MA’s question (May 6): I also recognize different types in sensitivity: some HSP’s are more sensitive to smell, some more to sound, and some more to their internal experiences. Also, the strenght of their experience may differ from one person to the next – some almost vomit at a bad smell, some just feel bad and want to leave.
I’m interested in whether you found anything about this part in your research?
thank you again for this article!
Dear Elaine,
I am glad for all this information – this is all a new topic to me and I am struggling a bit with what it means to find myself with this label of Super-sensitivity for the alienness I have always felt. (I scored 87 on the Thomas Leonard test of 100 questions online. Reading some of those questions was as if someone had been right inside my head.) I am reading your book, but I am finding a problem with some of the terms you use – ‘arousal’ and even ‘stimulation’ sound positive, when the actual experiences are not positive but painful! And I cannot see any ‘gift’ in this – and I’ve been struggling with it for 58 years now! I have learned ways of coping but my dream is to be a hermit! My pastor says I would be a natural recluse!
Klair
Dear Klair,
It sounds as though being highly sensitive has been very, very hard for you all of your life. I don’t know if I am as sensitive as you are, I think maybe not quite. But I do understand how difficult it can be to find a way to be comfortable in the world. I wonder if perhaps being aroused or stimulated by things is just too much for you, I mean that since there are degrees of this, that beyond a small amount of either of these things you become overwhelmed. Some years ago I remember reading about the calming effect of being around horses. They are so large and their language is body language that we can learn to read and they seem to embody mystery by their size and silence. I think that rather than be a complete hermit (because I couldn’t quite manage it) if I could I’d like to be around horses to care for them. Animals in general might be comforting. Or maybe plants as they grow and sometimes bloom? Years ago I read a description that seemed to describe precisely the way I often feel: the character is plagued by having nerves that extend well beyond his skin meaning that he was hurt by nearly everything in life. I can’t tell you the number of days that I felt like this. It is hard to see any silver lining in such a high level of sensitivity while bombarded by most of life in America these days. I wonder if being in Nature might be a place where your sensitivity would be where you could enjoy being yourself a little bit. As I write this I am reminded of a book by Ursula LeGuin called “The Word for World is Forest.” It’s a poignant book about an empathic person who finds himself at peace in Nature. At any rate, though I can’t offer you much of anything, I certainly empathize with your experiences. I hope you are able to find more comfort and peace in your life.
This is interesting… I am HSP and my brother autistic. Really gives me a lot to think about
Wonderful discussion about high sensitivity and neurodiversity! Last summer I discovered the work of Tania Marshall, a psychologist in Australia. Her book “I am AspienWoman” really turned on the lightbulb for me. I haven’t been formally diagnosed, but I highly suspect that I’m an Aspie. Her site is http://www.aspiengirl.com.
Regarding genetics, my 23andme report shows several increased risk variants for autism (along with one for lower risk, and one for normal risk – yay!)
Elaine, this is an excellent point. It seems to me that, far too often, and particularly in American society, there is an extreme bias toward labeling anything outside of the 51 percentile as “abnormal” in some regard. Yet this does nothing to aid progress and understanding in business, science, and society.
I have to thank you for the work that you and your husband (and others) have done and continue to do. Your work has been the last piece in a puzzle that has been 50 years of work trying to put together. Now, I am studying my puzzle, trying to see how I can make my brain work for me, instead of against me.
I’m diagnosed schizoaffective, survival guilt, score 36 on UK ASD test, an conider myself HSP, or, as we call it in occult practice, being an empath. Finding the HSP recently was a huge relief, particularly the part about imposter syndrome which is hihly tricky to discuss with others! Love and peas xx
As a HSP mother of a child with autism, I could not be more supportive of this work. I have always understood that my daughter and I were “designed” for each other, and that my experience as a HSP gave me insight into her experiences that I would have otherwise ignored. As professionals like you all bring light to common denominators among neurodiverse individuals, connect the dots, find patterns, the science follows. And research follows. On behalf of those in my shoes, thank you for your work.
Hmm…. I don’t think anyone would ever put me on the AS spectrum. I was popular in school in that I was nominated for holme coming queen, invited to join sororities, never picked on, and very popular with boys, but I tended to turne down most invitations simply because I was not that interested in socializing with large groups of people. I am definitely an introvert and HSP, however, particularly the empathic kind. I can’t watch violence on tv or even think about other people’s sorrows without it really bringing me down. I still listen to friends problems, but avoid violent shows and most of the news. I have most of the characteristics described by this trait, although I am not that sensitive to personal criticism, as I have good self esteem, – more bothered by others being criticized. Right now I am suffering from my son’s problems and his over sensitive and it really brings me down. I don’t mind being sensitive except when other’s sorrows make me so sad that I can’t function. I wish there was a dial with which I could choose when and in which circumstances to dial it down. I know I could be more helpful if I could. I’m seeking counseling to help myself with this. For those who suffer sometimes with certain aspects of this trait, I personally have found that reminding myself that this is my hyper-sensitive at work, has helped me to put things in perspective.
I’m only between being hsp and autistic, 60% of professionals have said I’m sensitive, but then an investigation was made that states that I’m mildly autistic, which contributes to more psychological ill health to defend my sensitivity to psychologists who are not Understanding at all, taking energy with this warrior to be myself. I thought we’d come anymore but apparently it’s still a big social problem.
Since elaine Aaron’s book, more have come to the conclusion that you are highly sensitive, and it has become more publicized in the media. But in Sweden it is still relatively new.
Wow, just saw this & I really appreciate this article! I definitely identify as an HSP, and what’s so interesting to me about what this is saying is that I originally became aware of the whole HSP concept in the first place because I’d had this sort of . . . intuitive leap that a bunch of my own traits were part of a pattern of heightened sensitivities, emotional, cognitive, & sensory, which, while not the same as, reminded me if some traits connected to the autism & ADHD spectrums. It was my sensitivity to overwhelm, in particular, that caused me to make that comparison: Giving just one example, I’m incapable of multi-tasking for that reason, I am all about a deep, narrow focus. But it also occurred to me that my “shyness” and “introversion” are basically the same thing, applied to social situations.
In fact, over my life time I’d repeatedly considered then dismissed whether I might be on one of those spectrums. Because though some things almost seemed to fit , there was far too much just didn’t fit.
Then, about a year ago, a couple of friends referred to me & some of my reactions as “intense”, in a way that suggested “intense” really meant “too intense”, and also suggested that they saw it as a “symptom” of something wrong. And they were partly right, because in both cases I was partly reacting to emotional triggers. But this really bothered me, because to some degree, I *identify* as intense, and don’t consider being intense, itself, to be problematic or symptomatic or something that needs to be fixed. It’s just part of who I am. So, being upset about this sent me to the internet, where I googled randomly until a ran across a blog post about being “excruciatingly intense”. The article took a self-deprecating & very tongue in cheek approach, but it resonated very strongly with me. Because it showed me that this wasn’t just me, that this was an *thing*.
And meanwhile my mind was going a mile a minute. I started thinking about the fact that spectrums don’t just have a sudden cut-off point, they continue on, gradually tapering off. So even if it’s said that only people who fall within a certain range are part of given spectrum, what if there are people on the borderline, who fall outside that range, but not *that* far outside it? Might there be some category of heightened sensitivity to sensory input that didn’t fit within the autism or ADHD spectrum, yet was still different from 90% (or 80%, as it turns out!) of the population?
I started wondering if this had occurred to others, and if any studies had been done. Hungry for more information, I continued googling, and found an article about highly sensitive children. And eventually I found references to the concept of the Highly Sensitive Person and sensory processing sensitivity. And my brain instantly went: BINGO!
Still, though I’ve been feeling very strongly that HSP, rather than just being a “personality type”, falls under the neurodiversity or neuroatypical umbrella, this is the first time I’ve ever seen anyone else say anything like that. And though there’s no “proof” of anything, it feels immensely validating to see this being discussed, particularly on this website.
Pam I can tell you I am following the same path and have had the same thoughts as you for many years now . All that is said is what I have felt for many years and am now happy that it is all being unwrapped for the world to see and discuss
Hi Elaine, I’m a 66 year old man. I’ve been hyper all my life and also highly sensitive. I’ve been very productive in life but have often felt very misunderstood. I scored 20 on your highly sensitive test. My son has been diagnosed with aspergers and psycho effective disorder. He is functioning in society under heavy medications with limited productivity and unable to work. My daughter was diagnosed as BPD, she has been on antidepressants for 13 years since she was 15. She is highly functioning. She has been receiving therapy for several years now and doing very well. My wife is taking an anti- depressant as well for a couple of years. I am finally getting some help, I hope. Question, what do you do with people like me?
Like I told my older son who has a HS child with something like ADD, What can you do with Sebastian? Nothing. Perhaps learn from him.
I am a Psychatrist by profession and Highly Sensitive as I discovered by myself some years ago when, thru Internet, I started to compare experiences with others and noticed the huge difference from most of them that I experience. I had an impulsive type of ADHD as a child. So do my two children, both males, but one with attention deficit type of ADHD and the other with hyperactive/ODD type of ADHD which I medicated with Adderall. None of my children are Highly Sensitive(that I have perceived) however one of my grandchildren shows the classic HS traits and strong ones at that which I picked up and he also has some kind of attention deficit which my older son, who is a child Psychiatrist is medicating. I remember clearly as a young Psychiatric resident that those beautiful Autistic children, out of the group of residents there, would always select me and would come and sit down on my lap. So, yes, I believe there is a strong connection between these neurodiverse human experiences.
Very difficult for me to interact with People in groups or social reunions for long periods of time. Emotionally, I pick up all the + and – emotions directed at me and between other people like love, admiration, friendship, fear, dislike, jealousy, envy, hate, etc. even when not overtly expressed consciously or unconsciously. This has happened to me since I can recall and many times I felt for some reason as if I were surrounded by children. I can identify faulty thinking also in many and when I think that person is wrong in his/her approach to a situation, 95% of the time events demonstrate that I was right in believing so. If you want to call it an Old Soul or Highly Sensitive like Dr. Aron does, go ahead, it just means that people like myself are just, for some reason or another and probably due a mutation a long time ago like Dr. Aron I believe has also pointed out, more advanced on the evolutionary scale of the genus Homo. It is a great survival advantage and Internet has done wonders for us to become aware of our differences with the rest of the World’s population no matter in what part of it we might be.
Dear Elaine,
Thank you for your work on HSP. I am a high sensitivity person and I have 2 daughters also with high sensitivity. I was as a child extremely sensitive and lived in a dysfunctional family, a mentally ill and incapacitated mother and a father who pretty much deserted his family. As a child I felt like I had to be the adult and take care of my mother. As an adult I have had a great deal of therapy that has helped me immensely.
Being a mother has been challenging because I never really was mothered as a child. I remember when my oldest daughter was in 3rd grade her teacher wanted me to have her see a psychologist because she felt that she had ADD. I was angry that she was diagnosing my daughter as an elementary teacher and I thought she was nuts because my daughter was very focused and bright but was different and not the mainstream kid. But she is HSP and has managed to find her passion and niche in the world.
Her younger sister is also HSP but is struggling to “fit in” and can’t and is very tortured. As a child she was bullied at school and refused to go to school so was homeschooled during grades 8, 11, and 12. She went to college and excelled academically and was granted a scholarship in a very prestigious graduate school. She cannot interact socially and because graduate school is a small cohort she is struggling with low self-esteem and all the symptoms of HSP. I don’t know how to help her! Do you have any suggestions for me?
Thank you,
Jean
I would firstly like to point out that in a world which is so desensitised to ‘nuance’, it will be difficult for many people to distinguish between ‘extreme’ and ‘radical’. They don’t actually have to be one and the same. That being said, many might consider the perspective I am going to convey in this comment to be extreme, but I consider it radical, so I will hope that this comment will be screened, even though I have my doubts it will. If there is, as you have conveyed, resistance to the idea that being autistic and being highly sensitive are, in fact, one and the same, then many may dislike what I have to convey in this comment.
Those who regard themselves as highly sensitive and non-autistic are basically just what human beings are meant to be, i.e. sensitive. You say that they make up 20% of the population – if correct, that is astonishing. Being sensitive is not meant to be some kind of ‘niche’ thing, it is our default state of being when we come into the world!
I would like to address whichever highly sensitive people are holding the view: “We’re completely normal!”/“You are clearly suffering from a disorder.” I have it on the good authority and experience of my own intuitive knowing, having met hundreds of autistic people both in real life and over the internet, and having researched the subject over literally hundreds of hours, that autistic people and HSP’s are in fact one and the same. You say that they are ‘suffering’ from a disorder and you are fundamentally correct, but the disorder is not autism, it is PTSD, probable C-PTSD; the same thing that many, if not all HSP’s are suffering from.
I realise that many of you may, at this point be trying to imagine all of the ‘symptoms’ of Autism in your own mind in an effort to try and disprove, in your own mind, what I have just said. You may be able to think of examples of Autistic people who have ‘deficits’ or ‘deficiencies’. The reason why so many Autistic people appear to ‘need’ help with so many practical, day to day activities is because of a problem all autistic people face known as ‘infantilisation’. In actual fact, infantilisation is rife in this world, but I cannot think of a group who have more of it to deal with than autistic people. Most are simply deprived of life skills, probably deliberately, either consciously or subconsciously, by their families. As a result, many autistic adults have the life skills of infants. I have a vast wealth of anecdotal research to back up this claim.
So, what we call ‘Autism’ can essentially be split into primary and secondary symptoms. The primary symptoms will include things like anxiety and depression (PTSD) and alleged deficits in social communication, which are actually not deficits at all, just a natural response to being surrounded by groupthink zombies. Harsh? Actually no. They want to talk about useful things, trade information which might be useful, not talk about ‘Emmerdale’, beer, or other groupthink nonsense. Other alleged primary symptoms include ‘low empathy’ which needs to be inverted in order to be understood correctly. It is doublethink. Autistic people possess high empathy, pure empathy, probably the highest on the planet. Those who vociferously insist otherwise are psychologically projecting their own lack of empathy onto an obvious target. Scapegoating at it’s finest.
Other autistic behaviours such as stimming are also easily explainable. Stimming is a form of physical mediation, like Tai Chi, or Sufi Spinning, and is the natural behaviour of an autistic person who wants to induce an immediate sense of calm.
Most of the secondary symptoms of Autism are caused by infantilisation; i.e. being deprived of life experience, often deliberately, by their families. I am making this assertion based on a vast experience of having spoken to hundreds of autistic people both on the internet and face to face. The infantilisation encompasses things such as having all their money taken off them, never being told how to manage money, never being taught how to defend themselves from social predators or even manage social situations proactively, never being taught simple tasks such as cooking, not being allowed to travel, having their disability benefits taken off them by family, being deprived of adequate education, being deprived of privacy, autonomy, being gaslighted, lied to, undermined, invalidated… I could go on. Some of you may find this shocking or distasteful, but I assure you it is true. I have seen fully grown autistic adults try and establish romantic relationships only to have their parents deliberately sabotage these.
HSP’s are essentially what society would call very ‘high-functioning’ autistic people. I would not normally use the term, but it is erroneous anyway, because the people who would normally be regarded as ‘low-functioning’ autistic people are not actually low-functioning at all. I strongly, strongly suspect that non-verbal autistic people may possess something akin to clairvoyance, if not, at the very least, high intuition and empathy – and in fact, it is this very high intuition and empathy which leads to them becoming non-verbal in the first place – it is caused by trauma. They are overwhelmed by the moods, feelings and probably antipathy which they are soaking up from those around them, and because of the trauma of that, lose the ability to speak. There is even a phenomena which bridges the gap between verbal and non-verbal autism called ‘selective mutism’, although the name is anomalous, because it is not ‘selective’ at all. It occurs when a verbal autistic person becomes so stressed, overwhelmed and traumatised that they lose the ability to speak, temporarily. Perhaps some of the HSPs around here have experienced this?
I have no idea what stage of awakening all of you posting here are at, but if you are HSPs, I am assuming you are aware that mainstream medicine has it’s limitations, and that the medical model of autism is not sacrosanct, far from it. Autism is not caused by vaccines, or anything else. I am not ‘defending’ vaccines, either, simply stating that they have nothing to do with Autism. Autistic people are highly sensitive beings, with (during infancy) a higher degree of immunity to social conditioning than most people, which is why they appear as different to the rest of the population. It is the rest of the population who are the disordered ones, due to emotional suppression, groupthink, social engineering, and enough neuroses to last until judgement day. I am hoping that at least one person reading this will be ‘awake’ enough to spot the intuitive authenticity of what I am saying here. The Autistic community are fundamentally the most common target of psychological projection and gaslighting in our society. They are traumatised individuals who need trauma counselling, and massive validation/unconditional love. It doesn’t matter what the trauma is, either, because trauma is relative. I will, however, hypothesise that the vast majority of human beings on the planet alive today are suffering from trauma, possibly as a result of invalidation in childhood. Most people have a painfully limited view of the sensitivity of the child; they are just superior to adults in so many ways.
Unfortunately, some of you may continue to live in denial. Clearly and demonstrably, being sensitive is not ‘normal’ in this world, it is a minority. With almost every week that passes, I realise more and more that the majority of humans alive today daily practice emotional suppression to a degree which is shocking and disturbing. They are so damaged and can’t see it. They think they are the ‘normal’ ones!
Thank you.
Hi everyone — just wanted to send an update that we are holding a retreat on these exact questions, titled “Highly Sensitive and Neurodivergent: Nervous System Healing for All.” Here is the link, do join us: https://1440.org/programs/personal-development/highly-sensitive-and-neurodivergent
Especially relevant if you identify as both HSP / ADHD or HSP / Autistic or HSP / SPD etc.
Our email is community@divergentlit.com if you have any questions.
Thanks so much for your interest and see you soon!
Jenara
This topic has been on my mind for months. In the last couple of years, I discovered aspergers/ASD tests online, and I took several of these tests, and gave a high degree of though and analysis to the questions and pondered how I would respond to each question, and took the tests over and over in utter fascination. At first the results were that I was borderline, not quite within the spectrum. With more reflection I took the tests again, and was mildly within the spectrum. The problem is I was uncomfortable with some of the questions and I tried to reinterpret the questions to assist in answering them. Some of the implications simply didn’t feel right to me. I’m capable of extreme empathy, for example. I tend to “see everything” in a high degree of subtlety in other people, to the point this makes life hard for me. My brother describes me as extraordinarily perceptive of other people, about the only good thing my difficult brother has to say about me.
I also came across the Intense World Theory as an explanation for ASD and I felt as this was an “Aha!” moment for me as this explanation seemed a much more apt fit for my experience.
Then I discovered the HSP concept just a few months ago and read Elaine’s book. The descriptions of HSP are a perfect fit for my experience, seemingly far better than ASD. But this overlaps rather strongly with Intense World Theory.
It makes me wonder if for 15 to 20% of the population, high neuro-sensitivity is a “normal” trait essential for the human species, but as this sensitivity spectrum passes a certain threshold in a small percentage of the population, individuals in this group are so acutely sensitive that the trait makes life very difficult, leading to much more severe withdrawal, a kind of neural shutdown that is more acute.
I’m so pleased to discover the HSP personality type, as this does explain well my experience, and I now primarily identify with this, but still wonder about the possibility of this being a “normal” part of the broad Intense World/ASD spectrum.
I do process information far more than others, and am constantly processing and analyzing, and have acute memories of hundreds (thousands?) of painful moments going back to my childhood which still vividly return causing anxiety. At the moment I’m quite withdrawn from the world due to unemployment, and I’m noticing how much I really, really love hiding away from the intense world out there. This is becoming a problem as I get older. I’m 63.
Anyway… many thanks to all for the helpful discussion.
Bless you, I think people like you are a genuine human being. We as humans are supposed to be highly sensitive people so that we care for all living creatures and the environment. We are supposed to be highly acute to energies almost to a telepathic level so we communicate with the world around us without the use of speech. Its the denial and malipulation of others that turn this world into a world where real humans feel like they dont belong.
I love your response Sarah. I agree. Aboriginal people would have been ( and some still are) highly attuned to their environment. I find it helpful to look at it this way. Thanks for the sharing both of you x
Great to see some really sensible stuff here that acknowledges difference as difference and not disease. I read a book, possibly yours, many years ago about HSPs and found a great deal of comfort in knowing that my experiences was not weird and that I was not alone in my sensitivity to almost everything. Thank you so much for your invaluable work.
I’m on the autism spectrum (Asperger’s) and also scored high on the HSP test so I definitely think there’s a link between autism and the HSP.
There is also a link between schizoid personality and sensitivity. Nancy McWilliams mentioned “The Highly Sensitive Person” book in her article “Some Thoughts about Schizoid Dynamics”, I highly recommend this article to read and chapter on schizoid personality from “Psychoanalytic Diagnosis”.
“I have noted, however, that there is starting to be a genre of popular books that normalize and even valorize such schizoid themes as extreme sensitivity (e.g., The Highly Sensitive Person [Aron, 1996])”
“Clinical experience suggests that temperamentally, the person who becomes schizoid is hyperreactive and easily overstimulated.”
Interesting to read the connection between hsp (which I’VE known I was for yrs)and infantilization which i’m still trying to figure out. There’s a kind of Stockholm syndrome with being invalidated all your life by a parent, in my case a smothering mother insisting we were just alike, and a distant father.
My mother was so “bad” that when I went to the coast to get away, she followed me out there, with my dad, a stroke victim, in the car and partially paralyzed. She then called the mother of the guy I was living with and convinced her to give her permission for us to get married, as he was under-age. When we had a child, she kept taking her for longer periods, convincing me to ‘go out and have fun.’ I got deeper into drugs and alcohol (it was the late ’60s and early ’70s) and with such problems occurring, she left with my daughter while I was out-of-town, taking her to another state.
When I called about it, she induced guilt and the ‘I know best’ by telling me “she doesn’t want to live with you.” I had no money to go get her and a horror of being smothering, like my mother, and let her get away with it. Shortly after, I entered into an abusive marriage. I never really knew my daughter, although we email, and she says she has forgiven me when I try to explain.
Now, after successfully going back to school and working through problems with bosses and urban populations that left me with ptsd — teaching for 10 years, I am retired and pretty much withdrawn from the world. My 3rd, infp, intelligent, and devoted husband, also a sped teacher, is my main link to the world.
I don’t care, as I realize that being in the world is more painful than living my current life, doing the intense reading and political blogging I do now. I am starting to realize how badly my mother betrayed me, how repeatedly it happened, and how much it affected my life, but it did so to the point that I don’t want to “get better.” I prefer to live in my own world of thoughts and books and not to take the chance of being so badly hurt ever again. I could never even speak about her all those years, as if I tried, others would say things like ‘I could never let anyone take my child,” and I would fall apart inside.
Being an infj, always feeling different and invalid, and being hsp has affected me all my life. I am very close to animals now and cannot bear to hear of one hurting or mistreated…it haunts me, as does any accidental reading or glimpse of cruelty of any kind in entertainment or the news. i occasionally have nightmares, where I wake myself up, saying ‘help me…’ I live in the country and only go into town for a doctor visit or to the library.
I have no reason for writing all this out tonight, except that reading this site and the comments got me thinking about where I am and how I got here. Excuse the sloppy syntax and carelessness; it’s not something I feel like editing and making stronger. it’s enough just to write it.
What a long, strange trip it’s been.
Mine has been a long life of dense experiences. I have armfuls of experiences that made me decide eventually, in one form or another that I was not of this world! Where people seemed to take to aggressive or patrician roles, all I wanted was to escape and just do the usual without wanting to tread on others toes.
I succeeded only because I read one of Shakespeare’s quotes that all the world was a stage and all upon an actor, my success ultimately came about only because I played a role in the nearest established profession I could see myself in. Come the age of 65 and no longer wishing to play ANY roles, I simply want to be me – has resulted in a hovering and hugely potential differences in my life.
As a child I was deeply sensitive and floundered hard at school because some of the experiences I had taught me that it was better to be in the background and just get on with it than try and be one of life’s succeeders. I was withdrawn but could be taken out of myself if I had the right approach taken with me, I didn’t ask to be treated differently, but if I was, I blossomed. Call it lack of self-esteem, but I think most HSP’s have some degree of self-esteem issues, even if they cover it up by playing a role that works for them.
Unfortunately, my life has had more than it’s fair share of misfortunes, despair, disasters with the sad and frequent observation that I must be close to death, not in the sense that I might die soon but that Death has struck too near to me many times. I comfort myself that being a role-player I can deal with it but I would so like to be where I want to be in myself.
I’m hsp with 2 of 3 kids on the spectrum. But my third seems to be a lot like me with high sensitivity that overlaps with my asd kiddos. It’s not random. I instinctively feel there’s a link, but of course more research is needed.
Thank you. I am HSP and my children as well. When entering schools some did better than others and one really struggles. We pulled him out and ended up with a private Montessori School smaller class size and accommodations. One of my major issues was why are we saying all these kids. HSC, ADHD, and others need to labeled disordered?! They are not disordered why not learn different ways the brain processes and not call one way right or wrong. It infuriated me. I will do all I can to participate and help educate even the professionals we sought out were so eager to find the level the disability verses learn from the difference it’s normal they should be valued. I have a friend who’s son is extremely shy and the mother is pushing him out of it forcing him to not be as shy. Suck it up. Deal with it. Push through it. All says to the child you are weak now be strong. I also have been given extreme grief for not being able to watch violent show. Not participate in Game Of Throne theme parties. Actually called a liar. This is the one of the single most important things to teach our culture. We are not disordered. It will prevent childhood trauma even well meaning like my friend pushing her son into situations he’s not ready or capable of coping with. Thank you.
Great article about neuro-diversity! I rarely think of HS people going through the same struggles as those with autism. I was recently reading another blog that had great insights into life as a highly sensitive person. Feel free to check it out and leave any thoughts: https://wp.me/p9KEij-1w.
Have you found any links between HSP and dyslexia? Seems to be an amazing amount of parallels on the subject.
A few months ago, I was recommended the work of Anthony William. I’ve been following his dietary recommendations & have found that many of my ‘neurodiverse’ characteristics have calmed down. I’m mentioning it here, in case it is of benefit to any of you.
“We are going to notice disagreement and conflict around this issue of neurodiversity. I hope that we as HSPs can try to cool the anger that can arise when extreme positions are taken. (“We’re completely normal!” versus “You are clearly suffering from a disorder.”) Our culture seems to be taking extreme sides in many areas.”
– Maybe we should replace the word DISORDER altogether and use TRAUMA instead. So it would say: You are clearly suffering from childhood Trauma (this can even go as far as prenatal or generational trauma, not necessarily adverse childhood trauma..) Having read the book SCARED SICK and GHOSTS FROM THE NURSERY by Robin Kart-Morse – it really makes clear how important the role of the mother and facial interaction is, what an impact it can have, if this was missing early on, how it can lead to more sensitivity…