For about two years I have been planning a six-month sabbatical beginning this summer, a good space of time completely “off the grid.” Some serious downtime. I am enjoying excellent health so it has nothing to do with that. It is simply that some shifts in my life and my husband’s have allowed this for the first time. I am not retiring. I’ll be back. And an email may come to you from time to time from those who work with me.
Finally, like a worried mother hen, I have left you a “list of instructions” to do while I’m gone.
- Take downtime! Let me be your role model. Yearly, weekly, and daily down times. I do two hours a day of rest and meditation (I do recommend TM because it is most easy and restful) and no work or use of the computer after dinner. Aim for one week off a month and one month off a year. Now, six months in a lifetime? To get that time, say no when you need to. No one knows but you when you need to set a limit. Don’t be the reason, by saying yes when you need to say no, that people you care for quite unwittingly cause you stress.
- Take time for love and friends. No matter how introverted you are or how easily overstimulated, you are a member of a highly social species. Often the people you are close to can actually reduce your overstimulation, just by being with them, perhaps in silence sometimes. Just tell them what you need in a loving way, while offering your HS strengths when you can–empathy, carefully considered decisions, pointing out beauty that they would enjoy but might have missed, and helping them to see when they also need self-care.
- Be with other HSPs. Seriously, at least once, be in a group of entirely HSPs. There are the Gatherings, the Horse Workshops, and I guess all kinds of meetups and such.
- Avoid those working for a fee and who want to help you but lack appropriate credentials or education, or seem a bit strange when you talk to them. Some unlicensed people are okay (and the accreditation of coaches is a complicated matter). But a license is a safeguard against unethical behavior for that profession. You may be told about “certificates” or being a graduate of this and that program, but look into it. Use your intuition so that you do not waste your time and money, or do something that ultimately is not good for you, even if it is said to help others. We are all different, even among HSPs.
- Speak up for what you believe in. You have probably thought about the issues more than others, and a great many issues these days require our attention–not just our strong convictions, but deep thought and then well considered speech and action. It really helps to do something, however small, towards making happen whatever feels right to you.
- When distressed by world events, step back. You are witnessing “interesting times.” The earth is flowering into an amazing place, dominated by our species’ growing numbers and technology. It will inevitably wilt someday, whenever we run out of resources, but now or later? Will we grow up enough to take some charge of our planet? Slow climate change? Can we consider other species needs? (We know fairly exactly the numbers and behaviors of almost all large animals on earth, from elk to tigers, as well as what they need. Now what?) Okay, it can be very distressing to watch what is happening. But seen from another perspective, isn’t it amazing to be alive today, witnessing this?
- Enjoy the even bigger picture. Go visit the vast plains, the vaster oceans, those crazy tall mountain ranges. Or stay home and watch the eternal-archetypal-molecular actions of fire, clouds, and water. Most of all, look up at the night sky. I know you often do, but now our crazy species knows so much about it. If you like that sort of knowledge, here’s a taste of what I mean about the big picture provided by the night sky:
According to the latest Scientific American, Earth is part of our solar system, yes, and in an arm of the Milky Way, our galaxy, which is part of a cluster of galaxies called the Local Group, made up of 50 nearby galaxies spanning seven million light-years of space. It is part of the Virgo Cluster (over 1000 galaxies and 50 million light-years across), a small part of the Local Supercluster (hundreds of groups, 100 million light years). In 2014 some curious astronomers—part of our marvelous species—used complex ways to figure out that the Local Supercluster is one lobe of a much larger supercluster (100,00 galaxies, 400 million light years across), named Laniakea, Hawaiian for “immeasurable heaven.” Our Milky Way is way, way off in a corner of all that. Far, far from its center.
- For the sake of you and all other HSPs, please do not associate high sensitivity with being an “empath” or anything that could sound weird to those we want to reach. Do not condone it in others. Seriously. Such writing and talk is beginning to endanger the credibility of the research, at least in Scandinavia. Watch for HSPs as “empaths” or “Highly Sensitive Empaths” or statements about HSPs being psychics or having ESP. It has been growing steadily, as you will see if you check the internet. Those who train doctors, teachers, therapists, and all the rest will not make use of any information about high sensitivity if it seems unscientific. This is not about what you believe to be true. Think what you wish about it in private. Maybe it interests you or you recognize something about yourself in this material. But think about what it means for our future and the future of sensitive children.
I agree strongly with NOT pursuing “empath” promoted individuals. The Web is now exploding with this nonsense and attached itself to HSP!
The empath label is destroying the true medical condition of HSP. This creative little money-making brainchild is a growing “brand” that is killing the legitimacy of HSP.
“Empaths” and other pseudo-psychics have grabbed ahold of HSP and are making a joke out of this very real, incurable condition. The mental health field is stigmatized enough!
I do not wish to be negative, however, it disturbs me that you are referring to the HSP or SPS (Sensory Processing Sensitivity) trait as a “medical condition” and as an “incurable condition”! I identify as a person who has the genetic trait of Sensory Processing Sensitivity or HSP, but I am by no means suffering from a “medical condition”, incurable or otherwise. Please do not confuse having this trait as a “medical” condition. As it has been pointed out in the book and movie, “being” an HSP is not the same as “having” a medical condition or mental health issue.
I agree with you. I may be highly sensitive but there is nothing medically “wrong” with me. I do not have a condition. I am a person that feels more deeply than others. I don’t want made out to be not oK.
Nice to see you here Kendra and I couldn’t agree more!
I also agree that the trait of being highly sensitive is not something gone wrong! It’s a gift actually, and a valid, alternate way of experiencing and living in the world.
I also want to address the empath and HSP issue. I am both, but I don’t think the terms should be confused or used interchangeably.
I consider an HSP to be a person as Dr. Aron describes us – with a more sensitive nervous system, more aware within the senses and thought processing, than others are.
I consider an empath to be a person who can feel others’ emotions, know things without rational reasons, be aware of energy and spiritual presences, etc.
They are not the same.
In our HSP meetup group we discussed this. One member made a presentation about it. I observe, in those I know, that you can be an empath without being an HSP, and you can be an HSP without being an empath.
So all this to say – empaths and HSPs are not the same.
Also, yes, as Dr. Aron’s saying here, HSP trait has scientific evidence, observable and recreateable findings and so on. Being an empath is more difficult to prove or observe objectively. It can be done, but I see why she wants to keep the two ideas apart. They are different, and must be investigated differently – and separately.
On another topic, I don’t appreciate Jane’s negative characterization of “empaths”, as a “money making brainchild.” Many of those in the online groups I’ve been on, and the people I know who are empaths, have a lot more integrity than many who are not empaths, and they are not just trying to make a buck by fooling people. They are sharing their experiences and helping people by using their empathic gifts. This should be respected and not run down.
Thanks and have a great day everyone 🙂 Blessings, Rachel.
Hi Rachel I have just recently been looking into the term HSP.
I have known for a long time that I am an empath but I didn’t realize these are two separate descriptions.
Thank you for sharing so eloquently and thoughtfully your knowledge on this matter; it has clarified it very well for me.
I also agree with you that there are many empath groups that I have found very supportive and not after my money at all.
It is sad that some others have had a different experience.
I am glad to have found this forum and I look forward to learning more about being an HSP
there are those who are out to make a buck though and oftentimes it just seems like cheap jumping on a bandwagon. i don´t think she means genuine empaths and i would say to keep away from those money making ones, it just adds more to the stress. just reading about such people stresses me.
Thank you for your response. I was confused at first by what seemed to be negativity towards empaths. I am both, empath and HSP. But now I understand.
Everyone here is so lovely, this took me by surprise! I have to say, I was emotionally hurt and personally offended by this statement:
“The empath label is destroying the true medical condition of HSP. This creative little money-making brainchild is a growing “brand” that is killing the legitimacy of HSP.
“Empaths” and other pseudo-psychics have grabbed ahold of HSP and are making a joke out of this very real, incurable condition. The mental health field is stigmatized enough!”
I am not a label. I am an HSP who can also intuitively know: that I am being lied to, swindled or cheated, needed, who needs healing, attempts at manipulation, ect. It literally hurt my insides to read such talk about a characteristic of “myself”.
I’m not a psueso psychic, and my real medical/mental health conditions are unbearable at times. They have nothing to do with this gift of empathy that saves me, and aids me through those unbearable conditions of mine. Eternally thankful for the gifts of HSP and empathy besowed upon me. They are how I SURViVE this life ~ Love & Light
👍🏾🦋💐
Thank you for your observations and words. I appreciate it so much!!
Hello everyone- I’m new to this feeling of real ness, I have. For years I have been told I’m mentally insane. After years of being on medication, I secretly stopped.
I’ve been off for a little over year. I’m getting use to myself as I allow myself to feel and understand what is exactly going when I walk along a courtyard surrounded by condos I can feel the energy sort of speak, the good and not so good. There were months I was not able to go outsid, because I thought crazy. It’s an awful way to live, when you think your not normal. I prayed and prayed that I could just be normal and not feel anything. But today I pray that I can walk in the light of truth & live as who God created me to be. I have learned to keep certain things secret or to myself so not to raise spectrum of disbelief.
Well said! My thoughts exactly.
I couldn’t have said it better🙏 Thank you
Good point. I’m a writer who reads a lot of fiction, which usually means I’m empathic. But I don’t see that as a bad thing! In fact, I hurt other people’s feelings a whole lot less because I have a FILTER between my brain and mouth. In my view, it’s much worse to be a jerk who says whatever he or she wants, regardless of whom it hurts. They end up ALONE.
I agree with You a 100% Iam 74 and always saw myself as just beeing free of my surrondings and stil enjoy my life . Real i am french
Where can i find this film please?
You can buy it or rent it from Amazon
yes, i don´t see it as a medical condition either, it´s just a heightened sensitivity.
My thoughts exactly, Nadeen
I agree, we are not sick, just different.
hi, I am not sure of my English writing but I think I am HSP and want to talk to other HSP,s.
Yes! Thank you for saying!
Just because you do not have this wonderful ability doesn’t mean it is not true and of the light.
yeah it´s not a mental health issue, i am mentally healthy, it is a sensory processing issue and being more hyper aware sensorically.
It’s a trait, not a condition.
Medical condition? You are an ignoramus. I went to therapists for 27 years! And was medicated for 27 years for my “condition”. At the age of 57 I found a tribe… they… we… call ourselves Empaths. I am an empath. Seeing Dr. Aron’s documentary on a spiritual site mind you… is the first time I ever heard of HSP, smh
so awesome that you are teaching by doing. have a wonderful sabbatical Dr Aron.
Where can I meet hsps in my local area?
Tampa is 6 hours away. I would like to know some real people?
I have the same question. Really need to meet other HSP’s and I’m in Connecticut?
Just wanted to say I am a therapist in private practice and I have been identifying clients who are HSPs and just started a group for HSPs a few weeks ago. For those of you that are looking for groups or to connect with other HSPs you might want to find your local therapists who know about HSP and ask if they have a group or would be willing to start one. We are using Dr. Aron’s workbook for the group and the group is loving it.
Hi. I been reading about hsperson and live in Sweden. I feel like a hsperson but it was first in june 2015 that I heard about it for the first time. Is there anybody who knows about hsperson in Sweden or better in Stockholm Sweden? I do want to know why I feel and always felt different from others. / Stella
How do I reach out and ask where groups are? I wanted to learn how to become emotionalest because my emotions take over my life now I know there are more people that feel everything like I do it not as scary
There’s an HSP meetup in Boston and Long Island. Go to this link: https://www.meetup.com/find/?allMeetups=false&keywords=HSP&radius=100&userFreeform=Connecticut+State+Prison%2C+Connecticut%2C+USA&mcId=c6071&change=yes&sort=recommended&eventFilter=mysugg
Best wishes, Rachel.
Hi Patricia! Tara here in Delray Beach, FL.
Where are you? Call me at 561.654.0437.
Would be happy to connect.
If you are looking to meet other HSPs, I suggest trying out activities that attract HSPs such as: non-fiction book club (check your local library or do a search on the internet for a local group), take a painting or drawing class, join a writing circle, knitting group, quilting group, glass bead making studio. Think about your interests and which ones are most likely to be attractive to other HSPs, then take a class or join a group that does that activity. When you identify the other HSP’s in the group, you’ll know who to get close to. I could not find the kind of group I wanted so I have created my own over the years: a painting group, a writing circle, a non-fiction book club, a wine-tasting group, a Mah Jong group, a meditation group. All these groups are small (4 – 8 members) and have a mix of HSPs and less sensitive and more boisterous types, but the quiet serious tone discourages people who are very low on sensitivity (not enough stimulation). In each case it took time for the group to gel or fall apart, but I retained a friend or two who were more like me. Sometimes it was the follow-up to a class (painting, creative writing, meditation), or sometimes I would invite a couple of friends and ask them to invite a couple of friends.
(I love the HSP-friendly security words in the box haha 😀 )
Anyway, hey there! Have you looked on meetup.com? We have an HSP meetup group that I run. Someone else started it but had to step down. It’s free to join meetup and you can put in HSP as a search term and then if there’s a nearby group you join it, and then you go attend meetings.
It’s really nice and such a relief to be with HSPs!!! I hope you find some 😀
Peace to you, Rachel.
I hope you have a lovely time away. Thank you so much for your list of eight ways to take care of ourselves. I cannot put into words (and I am a wordsmith) how much it helps – like balm to the soul. Deborah
Thank you, what about Reiki? Is that the same as Empath?
This is how I explain Reiki: Many use stones in their practice, which, just like anything that is made up of atoms, have a measurable energy level. This energy level can be measured via very sensitive scientific equipment. And as such, stones can “balance” out energy that is “off”.
When I say “off”, I mean there is something that is restricting the flow of our natural energy, and that could be illness, pinched nerves, and toxins in our bodies.
I’m going to use this as an example. I ride a motorcycle and the vibration from the engine and the road makes the handlebars vibrate. So much so, it will cause my hands to fall asleep. To fix this issue, you have to “dampen” the handlebars. I did this by installing a small plug at the end of the bar, that cancels the vibration by absorbing the frequency of the causative vibration and creating the same vibration, which in effect, cancels the vibration in the bar.
It’s the same technology that helicopters use to counter the massive amount of vibration from the engines. It’s rather interesting but natural stones have a tendency to do the same thing. When you hold the stone, that has a measurable energy level and is similar to your own frequency, it cancels them out and “balances” you. It’s all scientific and is not pseudo-science, but you would have to understand physics to get it completely.
Hope this helps!
How does one go about knowing their own frequency? And then how would said person measure the frequency of a rock to hopefully then find one to match their own- thus bringing balance
Hi Jan!
I am a Reiki master so I feel like I can respond to that I actually believe that email most Reiki Masters are highly sensitive persons which is why they’re attracted to the healing modality to begin with but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are empathic highly sensitive people are not necessarily empath but I would say that from my perspective an empath is someone that feels other people’s feelings not just their own so that’s the difference you can be highly sensitive and not be able to feel other people’s feelings they’re two totally different things though I do think that higher sensory perception seems to be more inclusive and people that are already highly sensitive to begin with but I’m not a research psychologist or expert by any means. Just a spiritual teacher
Hi Tara, I agree w your assessment of empaths and HSPs and I do Reiki too, though I have just the first class. I’ve been doing energy healing since I was a kid. I agree that healers seem to have a higher awareness and sensitivity which allows us to do it more easily.
Thank you for your wise insttuctions…I’m doing some of them already 🙂
Your original book was a lifesaver for me Elaine after one marriage and an abusive failed long term relationship then a 13 year break before trying again but once again the patterns of my family dynamics caused a third relationship breakdown. I felt doomed and very critical of myself when so many others were tolerating what i would not and was criticised from family and people I thought were friends.
Best wishes for your sojourn and look forward to a world where more of us are making peace.
Hi Patricia,
I am also seperating from my third relationship ! The feeling of failure and repeatedly accepting disrespectful behaviour from each man, has left me wanting to be alone forever, but as we all know about being alone and how the isolation can be too much. Why cant I find any one who simply accepts me for who i am.
I have been told how i need to change my whole life!! Too sensitive, worry too much, you’ll drive yourself crazy thinking too much …
This has been from ‘friends’ family and a psychologist (who also said I’m just being rebellious!!)
Is it possible to go through a whole life time and not have anyone understand you ? And misrepresent and misconstrue what you have discribed yourself to them as ?
I have also had my fair share of narsistic leeches friendships and romantic partners, love bomb use me up then dumped for being crazy. Yet I’m feeling the most sane and focused in my lifetime and getting a handle on myself and how others play their games, and also its a totally isolating and lonely place , i know i will never be ‘normal’ or included.
My question is what is it about HSPs that others can spot straight up , to either dismiss and ostrize or manipulate and use??
Thank you for reading and i look forward to any info, while reading through the posts im enthralled by the intelligence and self awareness on this site, what a beautiful, insightful, articulate bunch of humans. And i feel less alone xx thank you
kate,
I went a long time the same way you describe, and I finally found someone who accepts and understands me in my 40s.
At the beginning, I said I would not date him but enjoyed hanging out, wanted to be friends. We soon became best friends, while dating others. Eight months later, we eloped! To friends, it seemed sudden but, for me, it was the culmination of months of thought and experiences. Not-dating took the pressure off; it allowed us to interact without trying to impress the other, allowed us to talk about things only friends discuss, and see the “real” person. Maybe this would work for you?
Also-re others spotting us: I think some narcissists mistake silent observation, etc, for weakness. Also, I tend to stay with people, friend or significant other, longer than I should bc I’m gathering info, at first, and then ignoring my instincts or trying to understand the basis for them. After that, I have formed a bond and/or the status quo is more comfortable than the unknown. Less sensitive people would have left these relationships earlier.
You ARE “normal” and do fit in to this world. Find some friends whom you really identify with, maybe at gatherings like those suggested above, and you’ll feel the difference.
Remember that it is just as much about how well other people fit with you. Most of my friends are not HS but are accepting and caring, which are traits I value.
Hugs!
Annette
Hi All,
I feel so relieved to be reading these posts as I was recently told by a psychologist that I was highly sensitive. I took the questionnaire and was confident she was right.
I have always been searching and studying to understand myself and others.
At my place of work, I have met other coworkers who are also probably HSP and it was great to find out. We took testing that revealed 4 of us were really similar. I like and admire these individuals and felt a sense of peace around them.
When I was younger, I tended to be drawn to individuals who were different than me as I was always trying to understand people. Now I can rejuvenate with others who are more like me and they support me more. It is like being my own best friend except I do not have to….they are good friends finally.
I am happy also to read this is not an abnormality.
Thanks to all those who have commented,
Lisa
Same here. I am so glad I have finally found out, at age 63, that I am not alone. I don’t have tp grow a ‘thick skin’ nor ‘buckle up’. I have never fit in with others and it is not because something is wrong with me. This has caused a lot of depression in my life. I fit almost every sign of being HSP and have so much empatby for people it overewhelmes me. Others negativity lands on me when tbey don’t even know they have it. I too would like to know ways to keep the negativity away from me. I have smudged myself for years, but it doesn’t last long. I live in a very negative environment. I am so glad to find out zI am not alone.
Kate,
Just yesterday I learned about HSP…. and I am a little in shock to read your comments. It’s as if I had written them.
Talk about being “stimulated”…. I want to read this entire site and her books all at once.
Hugs to everyone,
Sara
Dear Elaine, it´s wonderful to know about your sabbatical 6 months off grid, wow! Enjoy it so you can come back to us. Congratulations for all your work, have fun, LIVE!
Hello, Elaine,
I’m delighted to read that you will be taking time off for R&R and will look forward to your return.
I have a question about your post regarding empaths vs. HSP. I know there are well-known and respected people out there, such as Dr. Judith Orloff, who write about and do groups online with Empaths. I’m trying to get the difference straight in my own head so that I’ll be more aware. Thank you.
Elaine –
Your book found me at a very dark time in my life. I am forever grateful for the lifeline! I pass on the gift of it at every opportunity.
Thank you & your “team” for all that you do. Hope you & Art have an awesome sabbatical:)
Heart Hugs,
PamelaR (HSP & now proud of it)
Thank you so much for being here even when you are “off of the grid”.
Blessings and rest to you, Elaine. Thank you for your hard work in making us HSP’s part of the wider world.
This is a lovely post, with many thoughtful suggestions. In fact, some of the ideas posted here would be applicable to non-HSPs for good self-care.
I am glad you addressed the increased use of the term “empaths” in relation to HSPs. HSPs may certainly be empathetic or intuitive but more often now I have noticed the use of Highly Sensitive Empaths to suggest some element of supernatural clairvoyance. Sometimes individuals describing themselves as an empaths are trying to promote themselves for fee based purposes, claiming they have special insights and abilities. That type of self-promotion usually makes me feel skeptical and suspicious of their motives. Ultimately, HSPs and empaths are not interchangeable terms and I wish others would refrain from using the terms incorrectly.
Finally, since I do not live in (or near) a large urban area, it seems more difficult to seek out others HSPs. There are no easily accessible or affordable retreats and no local HSP groups. So, given those constraints, any ideas for meeting other HSPs (in future posts) would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you Dr. Aron, for your posts, publications and research efforts. Please enjoy your sabbatical. 🙂
I agree that starting or joining activities that hsps like is helpful. I lead writing groups and have made some considerate, gentle, nature loving, reflective friends. A group about dreams would be good. Whatever you like to do will probably pan out. It’s been thrilling to introduce several people to the concept and watch them find more self acceptance, just as a friend did for me.
Thank you for noting the use of the word empath especially in relation to HSP’s. The use of this word has changed over time and now has almost the opposite meaning as what it was intended to describe. I feel that when people use this word, they are elevating some people above others, which makes me feel uncomfortable and irritated.
Just to be clear, this is the definition of an empath (Google): a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.
The “paranormal” part is the problem. Leave it out and you have empathy, but empath and empathy are quite different because of that one word.
I agree. I like this definition that I found on Elise Lebeau’s site:
Empaths are emotionally sensitive people who sponge up the emotions of others.
WE FEEL WHAT THEY FEEL.
But perhaps the correct word is Empathic versus Empath since the word Empath has taken on other meanings.
I LOVE the awareness that Elaine has brought to HSPs which has greatly helped my 9 year old son & I. I do wish, however, that she could touch on the topic of how HSPs can protect themselves from taking on energy from outside sources. It is great to know how to handle the emotions once you have them but it would be equally valuable (if not more) to learn how to block outside energy from ever attaching in the first place. This is simply a scientific energy thing and doesn’t have to be feared as being too spiritual.
Transcendental Meditation seems to be the only accepted method of holistic healing for HSPs in her writing but why not introduce methods that could also be of assistance including crystals. I just purchased a Black Tourmaline necklace for my son which is supposed to help keep the deflect negative energy away. Even if it had no real effect (which I believe it does) he feels incredibly empowered by this stone and it reminds him that he is protected. It have noticed that he is less exhausted after a long school day and more self confident about his HSP nature.
I, too, would like advice on how to avoid being so affected by other people’s moods or energy.
Annette
I’m glad I found a group of HSP. I am highly sensitive, empathetic and also an empath. I don’t believe being an empath should always be classified as someone with paranormal powers. When I feel someone’s pain and I react, I am being empathetic. When I feel a barrage of that pain coming at me with too much intensity, I’m being empathic and need to run for cover! It’s not “paranormal”, it’s just another degree of sensitivity. I am disappointed when people always separate the two. I feel like it’s more of the same continuum.
Exactly- I agree, it’s not supernatural, it’s super- NATURAL for someone who is this sensitve. I like your idea of a scale or spectrum. A lot. I am so pleasantly delighted to find this page and all of you amazingly articulate communicators! Love to all.
While I appreciate many of these points, I see it as a shame that it felt important to: 1) tell folks not to work with “unlicensed” practitioners – I think that simply reminding folks to use their intuition with whatever practitioner or healing modality they decide to use would suffice without inducing fear/mistrust/anxiety. And 2) control the way folks discuss their trait of high sensitivity… I think anyone should have the freedom to make their own “associations” with their trait of high sensitivity and their sense of being an “empath” or “psychic” or whatever else they’re saying. While I appreciate that perhaps it may have been an uphill battle for this research to be viewed as legitimate in the academy (?), the need to control how it’s being discussed in popular culture feels like approaching it from the old paradigm of the academy… meaning from the lens of authoritarianism/exclusion/elitism/fear/mistrust/etc. I don’t think anyone actually has control over what happens with their ideas once they’ve been published. I think it’s worth simply staying grounded in your research and reminding anyone who tries to delegitimize it that you have no control over this. In general, I don’t think you/we (the HSP community) need to be in a place of fear/control/fear mongering – and instead can just remain strong in the research and trust that things will unfold in popular culture the way that it needs to since it is obviously so useful to so many.
I completely agree. It is up to individuals how they view, understand and interpret their experiences and for some this may include the ‘paranormal’. There may be many HSP individuals who now feel as though they are being judged or criticised for having those beliefs, which for some may be spiritual or cultural. Ialso wonder whether some of the fear and resistance to the term ”paranormal’ stems from a misunderstanding. Paranormal could also be phrased as ‘unusual’, ‘out of the ordinary’ or more commonly as ‘anomalous experiences’ for which there is a vast amount of scientific research. For example, see this book published by the American Psychological Association http://www.apa.org/pubs/books/4316157.aspx.
I sincerely agree with what you’re saying. I had the same *feeling* when I read that.
I have always been highly sensitive and am so grateful that Elaine Aron authored such a defining book for the HSP … I wish I had found it when it first came out 20 years ago because it would have helped me understand myself much sooner.
However, I didn’t have this book as a resource and was led down a different path of self-discovery. One of my lessons … I have come to embrace the concept that the only thing I can count on is that there is constant change.
We humans are continually evolving and understanding things from a more conscious position.
As well, I believe that we are seeing more and more people are spiritually and consciously awakening. With this higher consciousness and spiritual awareness, we are seeing more and more innate intuitive and empathic gifts emerging in all populations.
When you see some of the highly sensitive community become more aware of their own awakening gifts of intuitiveness and empathic abilities, we see an opportunity for precious and unique gifts that can be shared with others. For example, these gifts can be shared in different healing modalities such as reiki, massage therapy, akashic record readings, etc…
In any industry I agree that unfortunately you will find dishonest people trying to hang a shingle, including those that promote having “intuitive” or “empathic” abilities. However, there are many legitimate intuitives and empaths, and many of them *shine* because they are also highly sensitive. I don’t believe we should disregard them as unseemly if they honestly share this part of themselves. In fact, I believe there is call for celebration because a highly sensitive person is embracing who she is while stepping into the spotlight of her unique gifts.
Like the archaic school systems that have not evolved with the higher consciousness and innate gifts of our children, we want to be careful about staying “stuck” in an “absolute” definition that does not embrace the benefits of our consciousness evolvement. Highly sensitive people have the potential to truly bloom as society starts to better understand the benefits and contributions that are possible.
I also agree that it is unfortunate that there is an industry diagnosis for someone who is “HSP” as if it is a negative connotation and is being viewed as a medical condition in need of “treatment”. To me, wouldn’t it therefore be fair to consider … hmmm … a Low Sensitive Person as an LSP in the opposite spectrum? This may not be the best example but I think you know what I mean.
Wow, this is the first HSP forum that I’ve found, and I don’t usually feel so compelled to debate an issue. I just couldn’t hold back from sharing another perspective. I so believe we can benefit from exploring new paths instead of staying on the same straightaway … new views, new wonders, new opportunities, new adventures! :))
Wait, now, is there an industry diagnosis of HSP? Not in the DSM I hope!!! I mean it is not seen as a deviation or anything like that is it?
Yes, LSP 🙂 We were thinking of names for the Other people, too. I suggested, PAS – People of Average Sensitivity… 🙂 hmm. If one is labelled, the other should be too.
Like, how white people are rarely described as white people, but if a black or aboriginal or brown or other kind of person is there, they’re more likely to be described by their colour/race. I’ve been thinking of writing things on facebook, like, “I met the cutest little white girl today – her name was Allie. She had a pretty dress and was walking with her Mom, and their dog.” 🙂 I’ve seen this type of thing written about immigrants and it makes me cringe and giggle at the same time.
Have a great night. Peace, Rachel.
That’s a very good point.
Very eloquent view Teri. In the back of my mind I had the same thoughts. Although actually until today I never knew that being a Highly Sensitive Introvert I also can decern things about people I chat with online. Notice I didn’t use the term empath. I understand also Elaine’s concerns about mixing the two especially after reading the definition of an empath. I don’t mess with the paranormal nor hear voices. I just happen to be old and have a lot of life experiences. Your point very well written, you must have been in a debate club in school?
Thank you, Talia for voicing my concern with two of Dr. Aron’s points regarding coaches and differentiating HSPs and empaths.
I am a coach and a HSP working toward my ACC accreditation, and I am mortified at the thought of people viewing my coaching work as anything less than an approach with high integrity.
I also understand Dr. Aron’s desire to differentiate research on HSPs from non-scientifically supported practices, and to protect people from unscrupulous coaches.
I don’t have any solutions, but I know that what triggers shame and anxiety requires further discussion and openness in among folks of integrity.
I have deep and immense respect for your scientific research and your work Dr. Aron, you provided the foundation and awareness upon which all other work in this field will be built. Reading your book four years ago led me to found a community of HSPs in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area and to pursue a very legitimate life coaching education so that I may role model my belief in our trait as a strength to help other HSPs to heal and step fully into their personal power.
As a someone who self identifies as both a highly sensitive person (exhibiting the trait of sensory processing sensitivity) as well as an empath (having a direct, but not paranormal, experience of other people’s emotions or physical sensations) I feel it important to share my own experiences. First, I would caution us to not be too quick to throw out a particular label just because there may be incorrect information or a definition being tossed about online. Or, because we cannot yet use science to prove that such a thing exists. It is true that being HSP and being an empath are two separate things, however they are also interrelated. Having a brain and central nervous system that is more open to stimuli means that we are not just more open to physical stimuli, but emotional stimuli as well. I could share countless experiences throughout my life where I had a direct experience of someone else and then without prompting, they verified it. Being secure in who I am means that a listing on Google does not define me.
My hope is that moving forward, we can have a open, global conversation about HSP that honors the fact that we represent a very diverse cross section of the human population and therefore going forward one single definition may not be able to encompass all of our experiences. Do we want to be misrepresented? No. Are there still many things about our trait that we do not yet understand? Absolutely. The sensitive movement is calling for greater solidarity and dialogue between researchers, authors, life coaches, counselors and anyone who is dedicating their career to this work. How can we support each other, to best honor our trait, to provide crucial and beneficial information, skills and resources to sensitive people, many of whom are going through life wondering why they don’t fit in, why it is a struggle?
I am in the process of developing a global cooperative called Honoring Sensitivity, a place to bring together HSP practitioners from across the globe to have these crucial conversations and to connect them with sensitive people who are seeking a better life. I invite anyone who feels strongly called to this work to collaborate and lend your voice to this ‘open source’ community. It will not be easy, sometimes messy, there will be disagreements about our trait, however creative conflict is healthy to help move us forward. We need to honor our diversity, we need to have challenging and respectful dialogue in order to realize a vision of a future world that honors a sensitive way of being.
Bevin
Wow Bevin!
I really resonate and respect what you have just written regarding a chess piece and your community project is fascinating to me because I’ve been thinking about doing the same thing here is where I am on the east coast of Florida I would love to connect with you be very grateful if you would be kind enough to give me a call I can be reached at 561-654-0437 thank you so much in advance I’m looking forward to connecting with you. Many blessings, tara
I feel sad this has caused so much confusion.
Yes, the HSP trait is being studied scientifically.
In my eyes, this does NOT discount the paranormal, it’s just outside of the range of their studies.
I feel feel free to talk about and identify with the empath description if I want to.
The way I’m reading it, she’s asking us to avoid equating it with the trait of High Sensitivity, because they’re not the same thing.
How generous of you to allow us to post our thoughts! I hope you have a wonderful and peaceful time on sabbatical. I have had your book for years but only recently listened to it on audible. At first, I thought you were sort of an AA sneaky contributer, getting me to ‘accept the things I cannot change…’ But NO.
I am pegged in this body of knowlege that you present SO well. I’ve dampened myself with alcohol and so I know the AA gig. I’m not completely undone by alcohol. If we put your work side by side with what AA claims, we could possibly see why AA ‘doesn’t work’ for some people. Me. I do not like being told what to do and/ or intimidated.
They talk about how the alcoholic goes to extra measures to ‘orchestrate’ the environment for others: It’s me feeling for others. That’s just one example for a small post.
I’m so unsettled until I know everyone else’s needs are met. I FEEL TOO MUCH. I smell and see too much. One day, living in NV, I saw and smelled a fire over the top of a nearby mt. range. It was 30 mins until my family got out. Have I served my purpose? If so, I’m happy I was there b//c NO ONE saw it coming. But now, I go around wondering…Am I the only one to see ‘X’ here?
My husband laughingly calls me Raw Nerve! I am SO delighted that Ms. Elaine wrote this book. I can deal with ME. I can handle my ‘raw nerve’ status. I must have read more than I thought, bc I’ve been using her tips for years. I really should have finished and used her knowledge saving me from using alcohol to undo my ‘upseted-ness’.
A help from Dr. Joy Browne, talk show host: Square breathing. Breathe in 30secs, hold 30secs Breathe out 30s, hold 30secs. repeat . Works like Xanax and quickly.
Thank you Thank you
I just want to say thanks to Dr. Elaine for her work and research because it has helped me a lot in discovering myself and therefore becoming more confident. I feel a connection with Dr. Elaine because she has helped me so much but I still feel a bit lonely tbh. I have feelings and ideas about this trait and I am still looking into my life and trying to analyse myself. I think we should spread Dr. Elaine’s research as much as we can because this can help many people.
Hammad –
I understand and empathize with your feelings of loneliness but remember we are 1.4 million strong and growing so that’s comforting anyway I just wanted to reach out to you as a sister and encourage you to call me if you want to talk anytime you can reach me at 561-654-0437 peace love and harmony to you many blessings love Tara
Thank you for all your work. Without your movie, I would still be in a world of pain and torment. So would my children, for that matter. Now that we know people are trying to understand us in a scientific way, it makes life much more tolerable.
I cried throughout your movie because it was like it was written with me as the example. It was my life, it is my life and unfortunately, has been the life of my two young adult children. Thank you so much for taking a stand and reaching out to the world. We’re not crazy, we’re not too sensitive, we’re the people everyone else wants to be and isn’t!
The Deep gratitude and profound appreciation that is emanating from not only my heart but every pore in my entire being I am so grateful Elaine I can’t begin to even tell you in words it’s so fortuitous that you have Alanis Morissette in your film as well because I have always loved her and resonated with her music and voice it’s just does not cease to amaze me how after reading the highly sensitive person book I started realizing that this indeed was the missing link and for me it’s like all the therapy and all the healing workshops and all the other work that I’ve been doing on myself since age 12 when I actually took myself to a therapist with my babysitting money and I just want to I’m sending you a big hug oh my God thank you thank you thank you thank you helping us ourselves and love ourselves and have more compassion for ourselves and our family members who may be suffering as well it’s helping me to understand not only myself but my family and many others this really is the missing link I think.lol Love, Peace & Harmony finally looks hopeful! I wish you and your hubby a happy holiday and vacation and I hope this brightens your day!
I am so appreciative of these suggestions and connections! I’m on my own personal second copy of the original book (having given copies to others, as well as the book on children). I would add a suggestion to other HSP’s to get and use the accompanying Workbook. Some may see it as unnecessary, but I find it of great help to correct years of wrong thinking many of us have absorbed from abuse, trauma of toxic relationships.
I have two dreams for us: 1) that we find strength in our increasing knowledge and connections. 2) I have “seen” what I perceive to be actual living environments, conscious community living incorporating the ecological tiny house movement on property that meets our needs for privacy, creativity, avoid toxicity, and an ability to grow organic food to nourish our bodies, and enjoy companions without being overwhelmed. It would have a separate building for communal gathering for shared meals, music, etc, where we could enter in or leave at will. Such communities are forming, but so far as I know, not yet by any HSP groups.
Does this resonate with anyone else reading this thread? I am struggling with the apartment housing I am currently in. I have problems with filtering the noise, smells, toxicity of building materials, and numbers of people in such close proximity. I once owned a house in a more conducive area, but now, as a working artist of low income, I cannot undertake solo purchase of a property to begin building such a community alone. Anyone else long for a community “alone together”?
I do. Did you ever find resources to help with the vision of such a community or even just resources to point you in the right direction? I’m in a very similar boat and am struggling to find a way to move forward.
How lovely, a sabbatical! Hope it goes well and you return full of thoughts and energy.
I just wanted to throw in my support for the separation of the terms Highly Sensitive People and Empath. I’m quite a faith-filled person who has experienced some odd things…but none of them had to do with being HSP as defined by you. I think if people want to call themselves highly sensitive to paranormal/extra-sensory things, that’s fine, but it’s quite obviously not the same as being HSP. There’s no reason they can’t be both at the same time, but I’m not sure what people are missing about the fact that “Highly Sensitive Person” with capital letters stands for an already-defined theory and they can’t modify it to suit their beliefs.
Also, there are many who could call me an “Empath” based on my seemingly impossible ability to read others: I would be happy to give them a play-by-play of how my intuition is actually fueled by my brain’s lightning-fast processing of other people’s subtle body language, phrasing, or tone of voice. It takes practice, but I believe most people can eventually pinpoint the moment they felt scared or joyful or wary of another person and what (usually non-verbal) cue triggered such intuition. If most “empaths” took the time to analyze *why* they felt they were feeling others’ emotions and tried to slow down to pick apart their intuitive response, they would see the same. It’s rooted in the observable and in our past experiences with similar people, not anything paranormal. And I think that’s a unique feature of our brains that should be celebrated and studied, not relegated to some mysterious woo-woo ability nobody can figure out.
Hear, hear! I think we owe Dr. Aron the respect to allow her to caution us on the use of the term “empath,” because of all the fuzziness around the word. I like your explanation very much and feel that it is true in my experience as well: that I am just very observant and self-aware. Thanks for your post.
Hi
Are there any HSP’s out there from Canterbury, NZ. Having a no luck in finding any groups or contacts even through the all knowing eye that is google. Like some of you, I have found myself with this new sense of who I am and why. I have been unable to talk about it with another HSP, not that there may be too much to say. I am principle acting on Dr Aron saying it is a good idea to meet or talk with others with the trait
Ta
Ray
I’m so happy to be becoming knowledged on things I’ve faced my whole life but not truly understood. It’s so interesting to be able to encounter such a well-put explanation of how I, and others, am and are. Amazing research. So thrilled; so in love with life.
Hello,
This is very new to me. I’m not quite sure if I fit the description of a HSP but I strongly believe I am. I am 50 years old and I have been married to the same person for 28 years.I do feel all alone and always have.
Even at a early age I was alone and connected with very few people. I was kept back a year in first grade because they believed I wasn’t understanding it. In high school, to fit in, I took classes my friends took and never tried to out do them because of the fear of showing them up. Usually I discovered that these friends were just users and most times I was the person they took jokes out on. I graduated 97 out of 109. I was bullied and picked on throughout school, boy scouts, little league, and my adult life. The funny thing is that each college class I take now I receive A’s and B’s and if I am so stupid why is it I excel at most things from athletics to academics. In sports I played volley ball, softball, baseball, golf, and basket ball. I wasn’t the best at any sport but I was always good. I was the last to be put in to play usually because the popular kids go in first. One time in gym the coach said there wasn’t enough room for everyone to play flag football so another guy and myself was forced to play field hockey with the girls.
As I became older I loved hiking and playing music. But for some reason this always attracted drinking. The combination of being a musician with like minded people and drinking soothed my mind. It was always exploding with ideas and concepts. I did seem to always reach a point where I looked at where I was and stopped being in those situations. The path they guided me to I could see would not turn out good. This went on for 25 years.
I have had good friends or just people that shared a similar situation over the years. The problem was I would develop a love for each friend. I would hug everyone out of a sign of that love. In many cases it was rejected and I was told it was odd. Growing up in my family I always hugged and kissed my mother, father, and other people close to me so this did not seem odd to me. In some cases people would yell “what are you gay!”. I am absolutely not gay. I have nothing at all against it. I’m just not.
It wasn’t until I was 45 when I had a traumatizing work experience. Through out my life I trusted almost everyone without a question. I never understood people to lie or to mislead. I believe I was subtly mislead to make some bad choices and this resulted in me being fired. Until this point I was doing very well and thought I had the respect of many people. I have letters of recommendation and letters from groups showing deep respect. That is all gone now. A life of work and 23 years at the same job. Needless to say I have lost all of my friends, my job, my family is indifferent to me, and I am still married but our marriage is hurt. I look back and I can see throughout my life I have been used for my no how, my labor, and to put blame on. I also understand this happens to many people like me. We can be picked out. Our emotions are used against us continually. We are guilted into making decisions, making donations, we are influenced and falsely inspired to move forward, and we are taken advantage of because people know we have a hard time standing up for ourselves not because we can’t validate what we believe but because we don’t understand why we have to battle to explain what is fact. It doesn’t make sense.
Currently I work for and engineering firm in a very fast pace environment. The work is very easy but the communications and interaction with the other engineers and architects is terrifying to nearly impossible. They can see I rattle me very easily and they try to dump massive amounts of conflicting information on me. This will be the reason I leave this job. I am unable to meet dead lines and take good notes because I need time to digest and understand concepts fully before I agree to them. Also I want things perfect in what I do and they tell me things will always be incomplete and not perfect.
I apologize for going on, fragmented sentences, and scattered thoughts, but it is hard to explain a life in a few paragraphs. Unfortunately I believe many phobia’s and modern so called mental illnesses are used for blame and money making. With my limited knowledge of the subject, I do believe it is all a matter of the mental spectrum and where you fall. It is our inability to understand, accept, and adapt that makes everything so difficult. I do believe it is difficult and challenging to find your spot in life. I also believe people see us and know how to use and influence us. I am at the lowest point of my life. I am heart broken and permanently scarred and exhausted mentally. I do not know how to move forward without feeling I am being used and mislead. I have no trust.
I am fine. I look forward to comments, input, criticism, and perhaps advise. I know I am not weak. I am as strong as anyone.
Steve
You have a whole world of stuff here. I am in no position to advise. However, I have recently found out I am HSP also. I have to say that is has been very positive if a little unsettling, especially reframing my childhood and I am learning and growing from it. I am 48, so no spring chicken to be changing lifestyles – though we simply have to in response to the information. Have you watched the three separate clips on You tube from Elaine Aron at a convention? They are short but absolutely to the point about who we are, what we are and what we can/need to do. They are not the total answer by any means but an excellent place to start. My wife watched both the movie and these clips with me and everything fell into place for her also. Maybe sit down with your partner if possible and watch the clips and movie and go from there.
One thing is for sure Steve your life, as mine and all the other people I read or hear about will change after this discovery. Usually it a change with huge positive benefits.
Kia Kaha (Stay Strong)
Ray
Steve, I just want to say hang in there! Sometimes when life is falling apart it’s really coming together. Don’t fight it. Being alone has helped me to value myself more. It wasn’t easy I’m 62 and it’s kinda scary thinking about the people I have lost in my life exactly for the same reason you explained. Blame never solves anything after seeing the consistency of the loses pretty soon you have to turn inwards and own up to your part you played in it. That’s when the growth and change begins. I find I’m very excited about being the new powerful me. It’s all good! Best wishes! ✌🏼️👍🏼
Hi Steve,
You are extremely articulate and spot on in your descriptions of what can happen to us types in life, in fact while reading your story it reflected my own so closely except im a female . Thank you for sharing your lived experience as i now don’t feel so alone ! It is almost relaxing to read as i can nod and think yes i had that treatment too.
It is like ive had so much trauma and feeling so used up by others who were not as loyal or committed as i was in relating ivr come to a dead end, it cant continue on this way. I am researching and calmly accessing how to proceed in life with my interactions with others. This could be the beginning of being a new way to look at and live life. To be gentle with myself, take care of my emotional and nervous systems needs, and to know that I know things damn it and not second guess or doubt myself. We are as worth while as all other wild spirits that roam this earth. Best wishes.
Steve,
I am 51 and can relate. I feel our journey in life have been very similar. I have been on Leave Without Pay for 9 months now putting my emotional and physical health back together. I have finally found peace by accepting who I am. My heart aches for you because I do understand the journey. Follow your heart.
Steven,
I feel so much for everything you have written here. I hope you do come back and read people’s responses to what you wrote. I relate so much to your story and growing up — especially the part where you love so much! I spent the first 20 years of my life loving so much and being completely confused by why people would hurt each other and be mean to one another. I couldn’t figure out why people lie and cheat and are dishonest or selfish. All I ever wanted to do was love and be kind and help others everywhere I went. And yet I grew up in a family full of narcissists and a world full of people who are trying to get ahead and often not concerned with stepping on each other on the way to the top. I had to learn how to deal with unkindness and manipulativeness so that I wasn’t crushed by all of it. I had to learn how to be assertive and speak up. I had to learn how to recognize manipulative or toxic people and how to change my behavior in their presence so I wouldn’t be taken advantage of and be so vulnerable. I was very naive and had to learn about the ways of the world so I could learn how to be in it successful. I did this through a lot of self-help books and also a lot of therapy. I am now a therapist and this is what I teach others!! It is the best. HSPs are the bulk of the wonderful people who seek therapy with me. I love what I do and I love teaching them how to stand up for themselves and how to have boundaries and mostly how to recognize all the complex behaviors going on around them in all their relationships so they can learn how to ultimately be themselves and thrive. It is all about finding “your people” and creating a life full of support and love for yourself. There are great people out there and you also have to learn how to recognize them too – so you can have them be your support “team” – whether it is the right job, the right town to live in, the right friend/s. It could change your life to find a therapist in your area who can help you. You can look for a therapist who maybe works with HSPs or at least specializes in helping people become empowered and recover from trauma. I find that trauma therapists are most often better trained and experienced.
Best to you!
Warmly,
Carol
Hi there
Even though I’ve known about (but not fully respected) my sensitivity for years, at age 42 I’ve now found and am reading up on HSP (since yesterday). My ears pricked when the 6 month time out was mentioned, as I’ve just left a 5 year relationship (possibly temporarily) and signed a lease in a very ‘un-stimulating’, peaceful, uncluttered and private environment, deciding on 6 months as the time I needed (minimum).
You can all guess why I might have needed to get away; I’m happy to explain too but what I’d really like is any tips or advice for this time out; I’d like to make the most of it while I have it. I’m 2 weeks in.
I am very sensitive, overly emotional my husband would say. He feels this is a mental health issue and I should learn to totally tone down my feels and keep my emotions under control at all times.
My husband does, too. His family ridicules me (but then my family did as well). I’ve actually spoken with a psychologist. He told me high sensitivity is not mental illness. My situation is different (surrounded by people with personality disorders like narcissism, OCD), but I think it’s probably pretty common for sensitive people to be told that they are abnormal in someway because it makes other people uncomfortable.
i don´t feel abnormal, i think there always were more sensorically sensitive people within the NORMAL human range.
I just discovered this blog. I took the test and my score was 100% for all criteria. Eye-opening. I have been told to ” stop being overly sensitive” my entire life. Ridiculed as a child, and ridiculed us an adult for being overly sensitive . I’ve been called “thin-skinned” when calling out unkindness or bullying ( such as ridicule, jokes at another’s expense). My guess is that HSPs are deeply intuitive which is why the word empath is so often misused. In this context, others may think it means it “empathetic.” In my own experience (as an HSP), I believe I am highly intuitive, and can quickly detect strong emotional currents within other people ( because I have experience with intense emotions and can relate to it). I tend to like everyone I meet at first, but within a very short period of time, I know the people I cannot be around. For me, these are the “toxic” individuals with personality disorders like narcissism, OCD, or manipulative personalities. If I’m around a bully, my heart races. I engage in conflict when I have to, but my first instinct is to run away and avoid aggressive people forever. I grew up with people like this, so I can spot them a mile away. Interestingly, I think HSPs are in danger of being used by these people because of our high level of sensitivity. I’m glad I found this blog post. I don’t feel as bad about myself is I did… conditioned as I have been by people who don’t understand what it’s like to be made this way.
I know the feeling, that someone is „toxic“. I feel his/hers emptiness behind pretended emotions, dangerous coldness. I can’t bear his/her presence. I want to say to concerned people that this person might be dangerous for them. But I don’t have evidence, substantive reason. Can I believe what I feel?
Hi Tru and Petra, I was very happy to find your comments because I’ve had the exactly same experience! It’s been like that all my life. “Can’t you see how cold this person is? How can you possibly think s/he is cool? Didn’t you hear what s/he said?” And exactly: these people were narcissists, control freaks or manipulative. I think we HSP’s are very good at sensing disorders, lack of genuine feelings and hidden fear or anger. But we need to be careful not to overdo it. My sister says I’m like the guard groundhog, the one that sits upright and watches out for predators while the other groundhogs are grazing. Many times, when it gives the signal for the others to hide, it’s justified, but sometimes it isn’t. We aren’t mind-readers, we sense that something is wrong with the person but we don’t know, for example, if the hidden anger is just a temporary thing or not. It’s very difficult to warn others about somebody, especially if you might not be 100% right. I still haven’t figured this out.
I am a clinical psychologist in my late 50’s and was interested in the online HSP ‘test’ and so I took it. I was shocked to see that I fit the HSP category – especially in terms of being overstimulated/overwhelmed with auditory stimulation. There are times when I can’t stand certain commercial jingles on television, or certain tv announcers (their voices are so bad they can, I swear, peel paint). Also, the question about not going to horror movies for fun – that was something that was spot on.
However, I am known as a boisterous extrovert. I lecture far and wide, I have done both television and radio educational events, and am not nervous at all in that format. Ask me to sing a solo or play the violin alone in front of a crowd – that’s a different story, but except for that, I’m not an introvert. So, perhaps I don’t fit this label? I can (and often do) multi-task but it has to be on my terms (not being pecked to death by phone calls, other demands etc) – so I’m not sure if I fit. I have never been shy. Ever. I enjoy people and my practice has thrived for many years – and it’s been a forensic practice that has some amount of high wire risk to it. I am not afraid to enter a large and loud party and meet others.
But the sound issue – and the intensity part – when I am home I want to play on the computer or watch PBS. Something calm and quiet with nothing of the hint of drama or peril. Just cakes and other mild things. I scored a 16 on the little test. I wonder if I would overwhelm and bother others in an HSP group?
Recently, I stopped doing the most intense form of my forensic work – it paid well but it killed me. Interestingly – at least to me, I found I had to take a month to six weeks off in a row each year in order to survive in the past when I was doing active testimony and expert witness work. I couldn’t afford to go anywhere during that time, but I did do that. Now I don’t do that intense level of forensics, I don’t make that level of money, so I can’t take the month off – but I work less during the week now too. It’s working OK. How do people take off 6 months a year? I wish that were realistic for many people but I cannot imagine how it would be.
Anyway, back to the original question: Boisterous extroverted social people loving (for the most part and then I want them to go away) HSP People? Is that a thing?
Thanks – any feedback would be appreciated.
Claudia,
Hey – I hear you! Your label, girl, may be the one I just found here online under which I also fall: the HSS/HSP. Read about it. The boisterous, outgoing, social, funloving but strangely reluctant, nervous, overwhelmed HSP — not necessarily a contradiction in terms. As the explanation read “I feel as if I live with one foot on the brake and one on the gas”!! That’s me!
About sound, I absolutely cannot stand a car radio being left on just below the level of comprehension, giving it no purpose. I crave the stimulation of sound & hearing, but it must be with purpose and not the droning or attacking sounds lurking everywhere around us. Our TV is never turned on at our house ‘just for noise’ nor is a radio or anything else. We only listen to specifically chosen music or sounds which fit our mood or needs. And yet, standing close to a rushing train, sitting in a live performance of the 1812 Overture, hearing a hawk’s call in the woods — these render me helpless because sound is completely amazing.
Ha ha! Yes, I, too, love being social and around crazy friends having a good time or just talking. Then I just want them to go away.
I hear you — you’re not alone and you’re not totally weird — you’re good. There’s more of us out there.
Becky
Claudia & Becky,
I realize I am responding months later but I wanted to let you know that I am an extroverted HSP! I think sensitivity is often viewed as going hand in hand with shyness, but that is not always the case. This poses a greater challenge sometimes because as an extrovert, I energize by being in social situations and I love socializing, but sometimes it can prove to be overwhelming. It also is tough because extroverts can sometimes get the bad rap of being “dramatic” or “drama queens” if you’re female and trying to not be dramatic when you’re highly sensitive is difficult!
I have a sensitivity to light, smells, and volumes. I also get “hangry” and feel extremes when I don’t feel well. I’ve also been diagnosed with IBS which some believe can be related to being an HSP (as with other chronic illnesses like chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia etc.) In addition to physical sensitivities, I have emotional sensitivity as well (duh, I’m an HSP!). It wasn’t until I came across Elaine Aron’s research that it came “full circle” and explained the physical and emotional aspects together!
I love the analogy of “one foot on the brake and one on the gas”! It can be tough trying to navigate relationships and social situations when you’re so outgoing but have reservations with your sensitivity but I always tell myself I’d rather feel the lowest lows and the highest highs than feel nothing at all!
Best,
Brianne
I am thinking about being an HSP and aging. At 68 years old, I realize I am getting more sensitive to noise, activity, and stimulation in general-yes, even political stuff. A close friend who is also HSP has observed the same thing. As a former geriatric nurse practitioner, I am well aware of the changes of aging, and it is not clear if I am experiencing primarily aging, although intuition tells me otherwise. Any insights? Has Elaine researched or written anything on this yet? If not, I think it could be fertile territory for us boomer-HSPers. Thanks much for all you do.
I ran across a Tedx talk on Highly Sensitive People, Sep 2016 and I was intrigued because that was me. I started researching the term and listened to as much info that was scientific and clinical from Dr. Elaine Aron. I never knew there was a name for my personality. I just knew that I felt misunderstood! I had people in my life to tell me to toughen up, I was too sensitive, my feelings got hurt and I would cry easy. I just felt that everyone pretty much summed me up as being weird. I’m now 59 and I’m so sad that I’m just now finding out about myself. I’ve had a lot on my plate and have been in therapy periodically throughout my life beginning in my later 20’s. Ironically, I’m married to a retired airline pilot. Without going into detail, I insisted he go to a psychiatrist. I saw the patient summary and diagnosis of my husband was Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The diagnosis was from a credited geriatrics psychiatrist who practices at Emory Hospital. I can’t begin to explain how I felt being validated, finally! My life hasn’t been what I would have dreamed for myself, I’m stuck, drained. My relationships to my adult kids are not healthy. They disrespect, have no regard for me and my feelings. I asked my adult kids to listen to one of the videos that explains HSP’s. They blow me off! However, with all of that being said, I’m so very grateful for finding out and understanding more about me. In fact, I’m so proud of who I am as a person with great character, morals and I am very loving. I am going to send my therapist the info that helped me to understand myself. I honestly don’t think she is aware of this HSP. Thank you for letting me rattle on! Thank you for explaining this confirming trait, that doesn’t make me feel weird or odd! Again Thanks, Dianne Van V
p.s. When I would get upset with my older sister, she would always say to me… Oh, Dianne… you need to get some help…but that was after I would start crying. So her analogy was if you cried you needed help! So so SAD for her! She is clueless!
Thank you,
Dianne
HI Claudia,
I hope others respond to your question about not being an introvert and being loud and boisterous. I recall from the movie Dr. Elaine explaining she first thought being HSP meant being introverted but discovered that many HSP’s are extroverted – according to her 30%.
I am happily one of those and also what she has termed as SS – Sensation Seeking. As many people have expressed coming to an understanding of this knowledge has been life altering in terms of embracing ourselves with the love, compassion, and understanding we have always given so freely to others – we now give to ourselves! How liberating it has been to discover that I am perfectly ok, there is nothing wrong with me feeling so deeply…I can wear my HSP “label” as a badge of honor and do just that – honor myself AND of course, this must mean I need to do the same for the LSP – Low Sensitive Person or the HLP – Highly Logical Person instead of calling my sister a “refrigerator” when it comes to expressing herself 🙂
Dr. Elaine Aaron – quote from this site
“This trait is not a new discovery, but it has been misunderstood. Because HSPs prefer to look before entering new situations, they are often called “shy.” But shyness is learned, not innate. In fact, 30% of HSPs are extroverts, although the trait is often mislabeled as introversion. It has also been called inhibitedness, fearfulness, or neuroticism. Some HSPs behave in these ways, but it is not innate to do so and not the basic trait.
She also has a description for Sensation Seeking – https://hsperson.com/test/high-sensation-seeking-test/ or just search on her site. and this link from her old newsletter:
https://www.hsperson.com/pages/1May06.htm
excerpt
Being an HSP/HSS almost sounds like the best of all possible worlds, doesn’t it? And I think it can be. But most HSS/HSPs will tell you it’s also rough going.
The Trouble With Being An HSP/HSS
I have always used the analogy one HSP/HSS gave me, which was that she felt like she lived with one foot on the gas, one foot on the brake. But in fact, both parts are drivers, with human concerns and strategies for getting their way. Hence HSP/HSSs more often feel like two people in a constant argument. And the HSS part often wins because in this culture, at least, the combination of curiosity, competitiveness (more typical of HSSs), and risk taking are all admired more than the HSP combination of traits. Hence the HSP part often feels it has less power and is more often dominated by the HSS part.
Wishing you a blast in all your self-discoveries!
Debra
Hi Elaine,
We are very much looking forward to your return next month. Have a wonderful holiday!
Amy
Until a few days ago, i thought i was the only person who felt this way. i thought i was going crazy. Then my research led me here. i am very touched and so glad. i don’t know if id meet others like me here in Accra,Ghana.I’d be glad if anyone can help with that. And hoping to hear from you soon Elaine!
Only just found your HSP book and what a relief!
My 6 year old son is just the same as me (if not more so) and an amazing imaginative artist also.
I feel relief to understand him more as well as myself, only into the first few pages but so glad to have found your book. Thank you.
Hello everyone I’m Tin from Thailand I’m sixteen years old nice to meet you all (I’m quite weak in English because it is not my native language) I’m really delightful that I found this helpful blog .I want to hear every single story from everyone here and thank you for reading this post 🙂
Hi!
I live in South Florida and haven’t seen any meet up groups listed for my area, but I’m so happy to have discovered this site and I ordered the workbook to try and help myself. I was widowed a year ago and it’s been extremely difficult, as I have very little help and the “help ” I did have came in the form of relatives who attempted to control my life and became verbally abusive when I would stand up for myself. I do have a question: when I was in therapy years ago–I”m 58 now—I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia and Social Phobia. I’ve been plagued with anxiety my entire life and now, after taking the Self Test for HSPs and scoring very high, I wonder if that might be what has caused my anxiety. I’ve never been understood, even by my own family, and I was abused physically, verbally and emotionally at times throughout my life, from childhood on, because of the way I am. They would tell me I was “abnormal”, “overly dramatic” or “overly sensitive and selfish” and to “snap out of it”. Can HSP co-exist with an anxiety disorder or could being a HSP predispose one to developing one? I guess it could be like the “chicken and the egg”—which came first? Or does that even matter? I suppose I was rather fortunate to have a husband who loved me enough to learn what made me tick. He didn’t always “get” me and we had rough patches early on, but he ended up being the ONLY one who knew me inside and out. Having grief on top of everything else has been overwhelming for me. There’s an understatement.
I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and the comments from other HSPs. It helps me to know how many insightful, kind people share my traits. I’m looking forward to receiving my workbook to take steps to, hopefully, help myself adapt to the next chapter of my life.
“[T]wo hours a day of rest and meditation… Aim for one week off a month and one month off a year.”
Oooooh yeah! That sounds great to me! 🙂
Now to find a way to convince the wife and the boss that this is a great idea. 😉
By the way, since this is my first post to the site, I’m an HSP/HSS man who has of recent months reluctantly accepted the “gifted” label (always one of the top academic achievers at school, with relatively little effort).
Thanks Dr Aron for your work. Until someone put your original book into my hands and recommended that I read it, I thought I was bordering on insane, and all my life I had been feeling incredibly alone. Now I know I’m not alone, and I’m simply chronically over-stimulated. There are solutions to make my life better: I just have to find what works best for me, and implement it. 🙂
Thank You for all Your research and advice!
My life had nearly fallen apart (fired for not being able to handle open-space, weird reactions to coffee, weird behaviour at parties because I’m afraid of balloons exploding, etc.) and I was labelled as neurotic, and was seriously starting to think I am mentally ill. I’ve been visiting a therapist but she doesn’t really know what’s wrong with me and how to help me.
Then I found the Wikipedia page and this website and checked all the boxes in Your test.
I guess it’s all the more intense because I’m a strong extravert (not the sensation seeker, though) and an ESFP according to MBTI, which makes me all about the senses. I never understood why I sooo need and love the world I can see and hear, and at the same time become so easily startled or overwhelmed by it.
But when I learned I’m probably HSP, I started working from home as a freelance translator and I’m much happier now 🙂 Most people around me accepted it without problems. It feels almost like being resurrected 🙂
Thank You so much and wish You all the best and a happy year 2017!
Hello, I linked your site to my article on HSP. Thank you.
https://mysociopath.wordpress.com/2017/01/07/do-highly-sensitive-people-sabotage-healthy-relationships/
I’m sorry that I’m going to write something unrelated to this text, but… I wonder if there’s a link between high sensitivity and Schizoid Personality Disorder in some cases. I’m undiagnosed, but the description of this disorder suits me perfectly, so does a lot of what’s written on this site, positive or negative.
Elaine was talking about avoidant attachment style and being overwhelmed by those emotions of intimacy or empathy in some of her articles. Those ”unlimitless” emotions seem odd even to highly sensitive people who are non-spd as I noticed in my social interactions. Also Elaine said that there’s a correlation between troubled childhood and anxiety plus other mental health issues. I was pathologically daydreaming since childhood, as long as I can remember myself. So it seems to be ”it”, seems like I was developing this disorder since childhood. Don’t know what to think, also because this personality disorder seems to be linked to creativity, being ”overly sensitive” etc
I just gave it a second thought and I know that you can have any disorder and still be an HSP. That the HSP are affected by troubled childhood more than others, but others are still affected by it. It’s maybe that I had this rather positive vision of myself as just an introverted HSP and when I got to know that I’m most likely schyzoid I became afraid to loose this perception of myself… I don’t know, but I still hope I was right about being an HSP too. Sorry for taking your time.
🙂 OK !
Dear Mrs. Aron,
A lot of your knowledge makes perfect sense to me. I live in The Netherlands and I am interested in seeking counseling. I understand your point 4. about finding the correct therapist, but I find it difficult to make a choice. On your site, there are three therapists listed in The Netherlands, neither of whom are based in my vicinity. is the list up to date?
There is a Dutch website (http://www.hooggevoelig.nl/drupal6/vraag-het-een-coach) listing more therapists, but I don’t know to what degree they are qualified in high-sensitivity. Could you please enlighten me?
Hi and thanks for asking this important question.
Here on the HSPerson website, they are licensed therapists and counselors who have completed a program with Elaine on psychotherapy with HSPs.
I’m not familiar with the other website that you’re mentioning, so I can’t say much about them.
But if you’re unable to find a therapist from Elaine’s list, you might also be interested in reading an article she wrote about finding a good therapist: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elaine-aron-phd/personal-development-how_b_580537.html
Much luck to you in your search!
I just have to say that nr 8 was so nice to hear from you. I’m from Sweden myself and while I defenetly can relate as an HSP I notice that the great psychiatrist we have are having a hard time to accept it, and those who accept it are often into the spirital/unearthly idéas. It’s so frustrating! I’m always after the scientifical reaserches and perspecitives, and I hope we’ll catch on soon. <3
Thanks Doctor Elaine! I figured a lot of this out on my own at a very early age- due to the need and desire to not only survive, but en-“joy” the ride. I was born with some serious illnesses,( cancer and other “stuff”) suffered many injuries, have continually faced and survived abuse, and know fear, part of the sensitivity package for some. I’ve beaten too many odds not to believe in divine intervention, seen and lived via bona fide miracles. Our greatest perceived weaknesses, can become our greatest strengths if we believe. For me- the greatest gift my HSP, vulnerable, brilliant, traumatized, perfectionist parents gave me was indeed supernatural. They gave me Christ! They also gave me a rich genetic mix of European, Native American and African American genes.. wow. I use my empathic strengths to connect as a social worker. Look at the Heartmath website for amazing science and research about our hearts. In the old church some of these gifts are considered Supernatural Charisms, Gifts of the Holy Spirit, to be used as such for the good of all. Remember what often seems super- natural, is simply something just beyond our grasp. The wondrous variety of the people we know and the world in which we we live remains largely misunderstood and seemingly hidden. We use so very little of our brain capacity, there is so much more to come. Like the oceans and space, we a universe of traits and gifts yet to be explored, much less explained. Wondrous puzzles created by the Divine! Thank you so much for sharing your gifts with us! You are AWSOME!! You are living the LOVE!!
Dear Dr. Elain N. Aron,
Well, First to all, we all HSPs must give thanks to you and others who came up with this great documentary and awareness campaign. I think it is a service to mankind.
Watching this documentary is a kind of self-discovery for me. Finding your true self is the first step to self management. Like all other HSPs, I always thought that I was somewhat different or flawed compared to others and no-one understood me. My life has been very painful so far due to the fact that I am an HSP and I was unable to manage it.
When someone is an HSP and he/she does not know it; is like adding insult to the injury. Because unless you avoid all kind of unfavorable situations/conditions, you cannot manage yourself. The negative effect on me was much more stronger because I was born in to a less-privileged family in a third-world country, Pakistan.
Therefore, I think this documentary must be dubbed/subtitled in Urdu/Hindi language for the South Asian audience. Here many HSPs themselves and even doctors, therapists, Neurologists and Psychologist are yet not aware of this trait.
If someone wants discuss this idea with me, please feel free to contact me. – Ali (ali@inbox.com / 00971502019087)
Wile I don’t think of myself having a “media condition” I understand what she was saying, people that “sell” the gift as an emphath set the entire cause up for failure in the scientific community. It would put us in the same boat as mediums and spiritualist! While I believe in them (a small few), most main stream scientist will laugh u out of the room when it comes to it! As she said, you can think whatever you wish, and know what you know, but its just not the time to brag about it just yet!
Hello, I am from Germany (Europe), when I first heard about “high sensitivity” in the early 1990s during my studies it did not interest me very much because there seemed not to be a clear thread in the concept (C.G. Jung, introversion, high intelligence etc.). But the concept was “reborn” in Germany around 2010 when German psychotherapists more and more seemed to integrate the concept into their work. Actually at that time the generation after me inspired me to see myself as hsp. Shortly after that I joined the “Informations- und Forschungsverband Hochsensibilität e.V.) and started to lead groups for HSP. Now, years later, there is a huge interest – many people come to visit our group every month. There is also al lot of research going on on hs in Germany. And many books are produced and YouTube-Videos. I recently started a Facebook-page in German. I am amazed how things are going. And I really hope that we hsp will more and more learn how to contribute to society. At the moment many of us are self-employed, hopfully companies and organizations become more flexible in the future and start to understand and integrate more the capacities of hsp. If ther is new research on hsp I would be interested to receive the information Felizitas Conrath, July 2017
Hello, Elaine,
I discovered your research and books about a year ago, and will be attending the upcoming Sept weekend retreat for HSPs at Kripalu. Your work has helped me better appreciate and take care of myself, as well as have more compassion for the way others may be “wired”. I am so grateful! Besides reading several of your books over the past year – HSP In Love, The Undervalued Self, and HSP Workbook – I’ve also been exploring The Enneagram. I was wondering if you had any thoughts to offer about The Enneagram, its benefits, and whether there are any Enneagram Type(s) which tend to be HSP also?
Thank you for all you do!
Hello, I am 60 years old and have Bi-polar, depression ,and a few others mixed in , plus a very strong HSP (my grandma,moms side , my mom, and myself)my mom always told me i was special. but nothing more. as kid i was hated, Idid not know it but i used my HSP as a shield, but it also broadcast my feelings and fears, hence making my life worse still. yes my dad told me i was too sensitive . sound famular?Sorry spelling bad)finally in 1999 after i tried to blow my head off with a shot gun (my luck, round was punched just did not go off) i started seeing therapist one after another,4 years ago i had a new therapist she knew me better then i knew my self ,she knew what was eating me deep down, 8 months ago she told me i was strong with HSP, but totally untrained and useless (she knew i broadcast as kid) about 6 months ago i focused my hsp on her, she also has HSP, but in her job it is a powerful tool ok that is my back ground , 3 weeks ago something happened new to her and my self . I had to attend a funeral of my mother in laws sister , and for those of use strong with HSP it is bad at best. i was showing her pictures on my phone and as i pulled my hand away her hand gentle caressed the top of my left hand , I gave it no thought till that night , next day was funeral when i started to tence out , i got a calming effect and i knew in me heart it was her touch that didi it , it lasted 3 days i had meeting this past tuesday with her and told her it surprised her also , has anyone else run in to this ? but remember i am bi-polar and she is grounded ?next visit i am going to ask if she willing to experiment , by me laying my hand on her desk and her covering my hand with her then see what happeneds
I’m new here and to the concept of HSP. I appear to be an HSP according to the test but I am not an introvert, and I don’t feel like it’s been an asset for me; probably the reverse. It’s been painful to feel the pain of the world so much and to be so sensitive generally. Not knowing I had HSP, I just got on with life and did the best possible. I do think it’s contributed to my experiencing severe depression (late in life but there have also been other contributing factors) and feeling overwhelmed with life. However I’m doing the best I can, all in all. I’ve had a professional life (nurse & midwife, now retired from that and doing other things), and now enjoying doing things for me.
Barbara in Australia
Hello everyone
I am a HSP – I have been called “highly strung” (by teachers at school, aged 6 – 10 years old), “neurotic” (my mother, fed up with my sensitivity) and “anxious” (my husband, who although he loves me has never understood how I perceive things). It was only when I read Dr. Aron’s first book at age 47 years old I realised that it is how I am, it’s a unique part of me, rather than there being something wrong with me……
I am in England and I wish there were some groups here so I could meet other HSP’s. Perhaps we should set up an online group. Or is there one already?
Hi, I am reading your post while recovering from a severe burnout for a little over two months now.
After I crashed both a friend and my wife pointed me in the direction of HSP, thanks to a woman from our country who has recently published a book about her life as an HSP.
I find your posts very helpful as they affirm a long neglected gut feeling and they encourage me to take care of myself in a way that I believed was neither normal nor permitted.
Due to the long distrust of my own senses the road to recovery still seems a long one, and relapses of anxiety, fatigue, hyperventilation, etc. sometimes frighten me, luring me into thinking that things might not get better.
Yet when I read your posts (along with the help I get from other professionals and friends), I get to breath again, feel ok and regain trust in who I am and what I am capable of.
Thanks for speaking up.
I am so thankful there are sites like this. I wish I had known years ago that I was an empath and an HSP. For years I would become so ill I would be in bed for a week at a time at least twice a year. Not realizing it was because I had absorbed so much energy from others. How wonderful for younger people to learn and understand themselves at a deeper level as well as their relationship with others. They can then set up boundaries to protect themselves and protect their energy. Understandable that is why I work with women in empowering them and clearing out limiting beliefs. It is as though all my experiences in life were stepping stones to this but honestly, it was not until I truly understood that I was an HSP and an empath that I know my passion was also my purpose. I hope anyone watching this will put it to use and find their purpose as well. In addition, I joined an HSP group of women and it is wonderful being able to share with women who truly understand at a deep level. I highly suggest finding a group that you can join or starting a group. Best wishes to all.
Good web site you’ve got here.. It’s difficult to find quality writing like yours nowadays.
I really appreciate people like you! Take
care!!