My plan for at least a while is to report on some of the latest research—a few studies that are well done and might be interesting to you—and then in the same blog write something more helpful and personal. In this case, it is probably more personal than helpful! And long. So I start with the research.
I am providing the formal citation for each article so that you can look it up on Google Scholar, for example, if you want. In most cases the pdf is available if you want to read or download it. You see that link to the right of the Google Scholar citation. So here they are, four studies.
Sperati, A., Acevedo, B. P., Dellagiulia, A., Fasolo, M., Spinelli, M., D’Urso, G., & Lionetti, F. (2024). The contribution of Sensory Processing Sensitivity and internalized attachment representations on emotion regulation competencies in school-age children. Frontiers in Psychology, 15, 1357808.
In this study the researchers wanted to know, once again, how highly sensitive children, compared to other children, are affected by parenting—specifically, how feeling securely attached and loved affected their emotional regulation. Roughly speaking, emotional regulation means the ability to have the right emotion, in the right amount and at the right time. If you have ever been around children, you know they differ widely in how well they do this, and how old they need to be to be good at it, and of course how tired and hungry they are.
The study, done in Italy, involved 118 children, 6-8 years old, and their mothers. The quality of the mother-child attachment was measured in individual videotaped playtimes at school, where the researcher had the children play with a doll, responding to four story stems that relate to specific attachment stressors (i.e., nightmare, hurt knee, illness, lost in a shopping center). In the process of telling the story, the child describes the mother’s or caregiver’s response in the story, presumably reflecting the child’s experience of Mother (e.g. warm, sensitive, cold, unresponsive). The quality of the attachment itself was not statistically different according to scores on the HS measure. Nor was emotional regulation. That is, compared to other children in the study, HSCs were not more or less positively attached to their mothers, and they were not more or less emotionally regulated.
However, exactly as differential susceptibility would predict, HSCs with better attachments to their mothers showed better than average emotional regulation. Those with poor attachments showed worse than average emotional regulation. (I wrote much more about differential susceptibility in the April blog on depth of processing, because it is our depth of processing that causes our differential susceptibility). Presumably the HSCs were attending to and processing very carefully their mother’s caregiving behaviors.
Bottom Line: Our sensitivity to everything, especially to our parents in our childhood, determines so much about us that it really defines who we are—varied, malleable, and unique, even among other HSPs, because we each had different childhoods that we attended to so carefully. Happily, remember that we also respond well to helpful interventions. These HSCS with poor emotional regulation will hopefully—probably–learn it elsewhere, maybe from a doting relative, teacher, or therapist.
Dong, Q., Ma, Q., Wang, W., Wang, J., Pluess, M., & Ma, X. (2024). Environmental sensitivity moderates the longitudinal effect of fathers’ positive parenting on mental disorders in Chinese adolescents. Journal of Affective Disorders, 366, 153-161.
This study, in China, looked at whether better relationships with one’s mother, father, or both reduced depression, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) symptoms, suicidal ideation and increased well-being in Chinese adolescents, and whether being an HSC affected this. They found that the effect of fathers’ positive parenting more than mother’s was tended to alleviate mental problems in adolescents, and this was especially true for HS teens.
Bottom Line: This should be no surprise—all teenagers, but especially the highly sensitive ones, benefit from the special effect of a father’s attention, warmth, and acceptance.
Williams, J. M., & Blagrove, M. (2024). An investigation testing the perceptual advantage of Sensory Processing Sensitivity and its associations with the Big Five personality traits. Journal of Research in Personality, 104539.
For this study, 222 participants in Wales were tested on detection and identification of visually degraded words at three levels of difficulty and completed the Highly Sensitive Person Scale (HSPS). The positive aspects of the HSP Scale in particular were associated with better detection. None of the Big Five personality traits (Introversion, Neuroticism, Consciousness, Agreeableness, and Openness) showed a relation to this ability.
This replicates results in an earlier study by Williams and Blagrove: Williams, J. M., Carr, M., & Blagrove, M., 2021, Sensory processing sensitivity: Associations with the detection of real degraded stimuli, and reporting of illusory stimuli and paranormal experiences. Personality and Individual Differences, 177. You can download both of these studies as pdfs by finding them on Google Scholar and entering just the title of the article.
Bottom Line: The authors hope that by describing the perceptual advantages of the trait, this will help the general public as well as HSPs in psychotherapy to realize that there are clear advantages to the trait. In this case, HSPs can outperform others perceptually.
Tabak, B. A., Gupta, D., Sunahara, C. S., Alvi, T., Wallmark, Z., Lee, J., … & Chmielewski, M. (2022). Environmental sensitivity predicts interpersonal sensitivity above and beyond Big Five personality traits. Journal of Research in Personality, 98, 104210.
The researchers reported two studies, finding roughly the same results. In the first study, with 1,377 participants, the researchers first reduced the HSP Scale to just two factors, positive and negative. (I think this is a good move.) They found both factors were associated with better performance in three areas of interpersonal sensitivity–empathy (correlated with the positive factor), social anxiety (correlated with the negative factor), and theory of mind, a social cognitive ability, associated with both. In Study 2 (N = 1240), they replicated most of these findings after statistically controlling for all Big Five personality traits (with its factors of neuroticism, extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, and openness). That is, the HSP Scale “explained unique variance” above and beyond the Big Five, meaning high sensitivity is not just one or even just a combination of them.
Bottom Line: Once again we see that HSPs are better at something, this time social skills—empathy and understanding what others are thinking, plus being more anxious to please others.
The Battle of the Temperaments, the European Theater
(“theater” as in an area in which important military events occurred or are in progress)
As I wrote in my last blog, I was heading off for five weeks “vacation” in Europe. Some of my friends, especially the HSPs, shook their heads in amazement. I suppose partly because of my age, and just successfully completing some medical stuff. They saw five weeks as an awful lot at once. But they do not understand my ongoing Battle of the Temperaments.
“Battle” is probably too strong. It is more like a family feud, this thing between my traits of high sensitivity and high sensation seeking, which we know now are statistically—and in reality—independent of each other. And I do mean independent, You can have one, the other, both or neither. I am definitely both. And that has well-known consequences. (See Tracy Cooper’s Thrill: The High Sensation Seeking Highly Sensitive Person.
It took me some time to realize how much I am a high sensation seeker (HSS) because, like most HSPs with the trait, I do not take risks and do not tolerate much discomfort. So there are always compromises going on. In this case, the HSS loves to travel. See new things. But the HSP insists on only safe places, like Europe. And not cities. So the idea of travelling has been settled for a while. Too much for someone my age? The HSS loves to say, “Use it or lose it.” Even the HSP can relate to “lose it.” She does not want to do that.
Nine Hours Jet Lag, Four Foreign Countries?
The serious negotiations start around the nine-hour time change from California to Europe, so the HSP reluctantly agrees that we should go for long enough to make the 9 days of jet lag (one day for every hour) not dominate the trip. But let’s face it. Three weeks would have been enough. The five weeks was for the HSS. The longer, the better.
The real question was, why did I even want to go to Europe? I’ve gone to speak there to HSPs, but to go just for fun? I know many HSPs who have no motivation at all to go anywhere except maybe to a vacation spot they visit every year. Certainly no foreign countries. But I have finally come to appreciate that that the HSS needs to have a trip every year, always to new places, and she has seen all of the U.S. The HSP won’t go anywhere that she feels is unsafe. No developing countries. But new parts of Europe? Well, she’s willing. Things are generally very clean, the food is safe, and she can usually figure out the language. The beds can be too hard for Goldilocks, so we bring along a rolled-up piece of foam that just fits in a carry-on suitcase and can be put under the mattress cover if the bed is too hard for me. Her. Seriously.
Walking Trips Are Another Compromise
But you might ask, why walking trips? Why not just stay in the same place a few nights, then maybe move on, going from city to city by train or car, like normal people? Well, the HSP does not like cities and the HSS is okay with anything as long as we are moving along, seeing new things. Walking allows you to get in there and see all the details, which makes them both happy.
For years my husband, Art, and I took “self-guided” walking trips, using the trails all over Europe, especially those in France, the Grande Randonnées. In Paris we would head for Au Vieux Campeur, something like REI, pick up a book describing a trail, then head for there. We took our chances on where we would spend the night, depending on where we reached. Sometimes we ended up in someone’s home. As you can imagine, after a while the HSP got really tired of that uncertainty.
Now, when Art and I plan a trip, the HSP emphasizes, we use a company called Inntravel, which is based in the UK. Among the different kinds of trips (cycling, driving tours, etc.), their primary offerings are self-guided walking trips in little known, uncrowded, beautiful areas (important to the HSP), spending the night in small towns or villages. You go on your own, or with friends or family (crucial for the introverted HSP), but Inntravel gives you maps and directions and they plan all your transportation, including a taxi ride on those days when the best spot to begin is not quite near your hotel. Meanwhile your luggage goes ahead by taxi to the next hotel, which of course they have reserved for you. It is always small and lovely with great food. (Or occasionally large, historic, scenic, and with great food.) The HSP loves having it all settled and so nicely. And if there’s any problem, there’s always someone at the company to call.
The only issue is that a full day of walking is tiring. Inntravel rates the walks according to difficulty—1, 2, or 3. Nowadays we stick to 1 or at most what they rate as a 1-2. But even a 1, with mostly flat terrain, involves walking all day, sometimes as much as 10 miles. I get pretty tired by the end of the day. You don’t walk between towns/hotels every day–there are days when you walk around the area you have arrived at, or rest. Of course the HSS has to walk on those days too, but sometimes the HSP puts our tired feet down and we just take a stroll.
Two, Really Three Walking Trips in one “Vacation”?
For this vacation, two of the four weeks were Inntravel walking trips. (Time away was five weeks if you add in travel days, and maybe another week’s worth of walking if we add in “self-guided walking trips” within airports.) The third vacation week turned out to be hiking plus canoeing and sailing!
The first week was in the Dordogne area of France, with our son, his wife, and their two teenage boys, our beloved grandsons. We had arranged in 2020 to take them on a walking trip in France, but that time just before we started they got Covid, in Paris, and we had to leave them behind. So this was making up for that, four years later/older. Four years older had different meanings for all of us. But one was now going straight to college afterwards, so this felt like our last chance with him. For us, four years later meant that it was even harder to keep up with teenagers!
The boys were politely patient. On an all-day hike, Art and I always take a 5-minute break every half hour all day, which we think allows us to go longer before we are beat. Plus we take a half-hour picnic break. The boys needed no breaks. Instead they used the time to show off their nifty calisthenics and physical feats! We had planned to take taxis if we got too tired along the way, but that never worked out. We just kept walking the full distance, every day.
At the end of that week, Art and I rented a car and drove to Switzerland to see two friends in different areas there, the Jura and a small town near Basle. Driving in Europe is pretty exhausting, I have to say. Being with our friends we had more free time, but our friends had plenty of plans for us if we were willing, and you know what part of me wanted the walking tour of the towns we were in (Yverdon-les-Bains, Wintersingen, and Basle), the ferry ride on Lac du Neuchatel, and so forth. What I did not realize yet was that my body was not catching up after the Dordogne walking trip. I needed more downtime.
At the end of the “rest” week in Switzerland, Art and I flew from Zurich to Oslo, then Oslo to Bergen, to start a new walking trip, of course. This time in Norway. This trip was rated 1-2 plus optional 2s. We did not notice the “2” and hence did some really hard hikes. (Actually I just checked and the Dordogne walk was also a 1-2). But we survived these hikes, too, and loved them, at least until the last hour or so of the day. The hotels were wonderful and of course the scenery in the fjords was amazing. We were there at apple harvest. One area we were in grows a huge quantity of the world’s apples, a dozen varieties, each row labeled, and we were encouraged to pick as much as we could eat along the way. Plus there were “cider trails,” where you could stop at cideries and taste different kinds of apple cider, all freshly made from local apples with no weird chemicals. This was a smart promotion of their area, just like the wine trails in the Wine Country near us, except the cider was much lower in alcohol content than wine is and the whole thing was without crowds or tipsy people. Very low-key and gentle.
At Last, a “Relaxing” Barge Trip
At the end of that week, we flew from Bergen to Amsterdam and Amsterdam to Inverness, Scotland (the best way we found to get from Bergen to Inverness), where we met two friends to spend a week on a barge traveling the breadth of Scotland on the Caledonia Canal, which includes big lakes like Loch Ness. That sounds restful, yes? Well, there were eight other people on the barge (lots of extraverted chatting) along with five crew. The sole job for one of the crew was to keep everyone busy all day long at the various stops, walking, cycling, canoeing, or sailing. Some of those walks were very long, up to waterfalls or along a lake to catch up with the boat. Of course it was all optional, but the HSS could not have people going off to see neat things without her. Rain or shine, party on!
Art and I meditated for an hour in the morning, meaning that since breakfast was at eight, no option, we had to be up at six. And we had to fit in another hour of meditation before dinner, at seven. Sometimes those meditations were a bit short! The cabin was quite “cozy.” We slept in bunk beds, not helping our sleep, because we were always aware when the other got up in the night. The HSS loved all this. The HSP, well, tolerated it all cheerfully.
From Inverness we flew to Heathrow airport in London (do not get me on the subject of Heathrow, an HSP nightmare), walked for an hour, with luggage, from Terminal 5 to check into an “airport” hotel at Terminal 2 and 3. Next we had to figure out the London metro, to spend an evening with Michael Pluess, our treasured collaborator, and his new (to us) wife and baby. That was delightful, but tiring. The next day we flew to Washington DC, taking over 7 hours, because we could not get a nonstop to San Francisco. We spent a night there and saw friends, more travel trials and adventures to get from the airport to Silver Springs and back in time for our evening flight. Then we flew home to San Francisco, another almost 7 hours, leaving in the evening and arriving the same evening!
After Five Weeks, Exhaustion and a Temporary Ceasefire
Yes, I was tired afterwards. But I did not expect to be tired for a month. I am still recovering. Take a long walk? Not interested. I was quite surprised that the recovery had gone on this long until a friend reminded me that when she did the Yosemite High Country one-week trip with us, fifteen years ago, for which she had not prepared, she spent months recovering from that. I guess the body can shut down while major repairs are being made.
In short, the HSS had her way, but the HSP demonstrated that the cost was high when you do not listen to your body. My body. I was especially surprised, however, by my flat mood and foggy brain afterwards. But I see now that it was not only physically demanding, but mentally. After all, the brain is part of the body. And there were so many mentally demanding details to figure out: Tight schedules to make or we would miss a train, plane, bus, or meal; plus numerous directions to follow; inevitable mistakes to correct; and searches for items that seemed to be lost until we found them at the bottom of our luggage, usually after looking a long time, taking up precious time, or giving up and finding them later, long after we needed them.
All of these daily urgent details meant the HSP was anxious most of the time–so much so that she actually did not enjoy large parts of the trip, except the collapsing in the hotel rooms at the end of a hike and the marvelous dinners she did not have to plan or cook. The HSS of course liked that all of this—hikes, hotels, meals, all the things to see–were different, new.
Yet, the HSS Fills My Life with Adventure
Looking back on those five weeks, however, the HSP thinks the whole thing was fabulous. Now she is sad it is over. All that makes the HSS smirk, of course. And begin to work her way back to being in control by looking at more lovely trips offered by Inntravel. There are new ones every year.
I finally accept these dynamics. I offer you no answers, really. I am simply reporting one skirmish in the ongoing battle, in case you are also both a HSS and an HSP and can learn something from all this. Maybe just knowing how it went for me will help you. Maybe knowing, too, that the combo seems to contribute to being more creative–all that new information to process.
I don’t know. I don’t fight it anymore. I look back over the years at the many times the HSP has been carried off by the HSS (this is not my husband’s doing). There have been some very difficult trips and I survived them all with happy memories. For example, the Yosemite five-day hike around the high country camps or the 15-day trip by oar boat down the Grand Canyon through terrifying (to the HSP) rapids. I think of that trip as the best I have ever done, and without the HSS I would never have dared it. I admit it. So I just observe the battle, smiling a little as I watch myself thinking about the next trip.
So happy you went to Bergen! I live in Bergen and was born and raised there. Lucky me!! I almost feel a bit guilty because I am so lucky. (I guess the latter typically is related to my HSP).
Thank you Elaine for sharing the excitment of your HSS and the needs and demands of the HSP part of you. I am truly amazed your stamina ! You are such a great role model for aging gracefully and the “use it or lose it” mentality! I am currently in Europe for one month — and THIS – your description ~~ is exactly what causes me so much anxiety …..
mentally demanding details to figure out: Tight schedules to make or we would miss a train, plane, bus, or meal; plus numerous directions to follow; inevitable mistakes to correct; and searches for items that seemed to be lost until we found them at the bottom of our luggage, usually after looking a long time, taking up precious time, or giving up and finding them later, long after we needed them.
I laughed because finding things at the bottom of luggage or in pockets or in places they don’t belong — so frustrating ….. Thankfully, I do have HSP colleagues and friends who are helping to alleviate many of those demanding details ~~ and my schedule of activity is MUCH less complicated than your experiences. I’ll think of you during my mild HSS / HSP adventures. I think your HSS is much greater than mine :-) with care, and love … Jacquelyn
So glad to hear about life as an HSP and HSS, and the wrestling between the two tendencies. I, too, am both, as well as somewhat extroverted. Trying to accept this, understand it, balance it all, and explain it to my husband (introverted, non-HSP) is challenging. The blog post may help him to “get” me.
I loved reading this because I can really relate to the HSS passion for traveling, and of course the HSP part of me needing to take things slow at times, recover, minimize the overwhelm, etc. My solution has been to try to be Mindful whenever possible, and go at my own pace (easiest if/when I’m traveling solo), listen to my body and my needs, and take in the little moments to make it as relaxing, focused, and meaningful as possible. I’m hoping to write a book at some point about traveling in a mindful way. Thanks again for your great article!
HSS and HSP, I can see that I have had both of them in my life. I would say HSS was in the ascendant until I turned 50, and from then on HSP has been running the show. Sometimes I humorously ask what happened to the other me, but I figure it’s probably mostly a function of aging, like a lot of other things. I am perfectly content to be at home, although I do wonder if this is a little too much of the HSP being in the ascendant. But like you said, I don’t know and I don’t fight it; I just accept it. Now in my 60s and semiretired, I am OK with indulging my HSP a little more. I’m happier that way. Thanks for the informative and interesting article. Happy journeys, even if you don’t travel far from home.
Thank you, Elaine, for this perfect description of the HSP (introvert) + HSS traveling experience!
I was recently in Italy and was so looking forward to going on my first trip in which someone else (individual friend) organized my private trip…with many discussions beforehand. The reality…way too much travel within travel; hours on trains and even more in the car, staying in too many places (never more than 2 nights anywhere, though we’d discussed having more of a ‘home base’ with less ongoing travel). There are just too many potential uncomfortable situations for HSPs if we don’t participate in the planning directly, unless we go with a tour company with the right focus, as you found in Inntravel.
My HSS side loved seeing so many different places, ever-changing scenery and people. My HSP side was exhausted by the near-constant checking in, checking out, driving to the next place, managing the train station, etc.
Previously I’d done a week on the coast and a week in the lake region on one trip, and a 10 day walking tour in Tuscany (in which, like your Inntravel trip, everything was taken care of between walks). These trips were much more doable for my HSP self and made the long travel times and jetlag manageable.
Thank you for your notes about Inntravel. I will start there while researching my next trip options 😊
Tammy
Hi! Your remarks about the overstimulation and annoyance connected to checking in/out during your Italy trip led me to think about a similar non-travel-related scenario. It pretty much describes a lot of tasks nowadays.
Because of fraud, identity theft and a host of other reasons, I, like others, find myself beset by all kinds of bells and whistles when I have to do something. Want to look at my work schedule? I need my user name, passcode, and two additional codes to do that. And mind you, I don’t work at any kind of secure facility.
Recently, I tried to set up an account on the IRS’ site. It involves so many steps, and with concurrent technical glitches, I gave up after a few minutes.
These types of details and steps, especially when they occur one after another, make me very irritable. Automated systems are another pet peeve. Too much effort just to connect with an operator.
Perhaps because I’m highly sensitive, I seem to be one of the few people who complain about such things.
I feel like I can see me a little clearer. HSP, yes, but I also do surprising things. I never thought of myself as HSS, but I did wonder at teeney manias. We work well together now, too. ‘‘Twas not always so. 🦋
We share the same traits… I’m also an HSP / HSS. I “hide out” in my studio most of the time (I own a media production studio and do ad placement, edit podcasts and movies), but also have a sports car and need to find twisty windy back roads to zoom around on. I went sky diving on my 60th. And I also love to travel (IF well planned and in rural places like Greece or Portugal … well away from big cities and in quaint pensione’s or small hotels). Was nice to share your adventure… reminded me I’m overdue. 8^)
Thank you very much Elaine for sharing your thoughts about the ongoing battle between HSP and HSS. I share this battlefield and it is very helpful to see your thoughts as a mirror of my own path.
It is very useful and very funny.
If you go to Norway again I do recommend Gålå and Rondane and Jotunheimen.
And if you come to Denmark again it is also very nice to walk along the coast of Northern Seeland (Sjælland) in Denmark. I have my summerhouse near Kikhavn. Liseleje and Hundested and it is very beautiful here. If you come around I would love to show you and your husband around.
Thanks for all your important work. I heard you speak in Copenhagen many years ago and hearing your words, reading your books, and reading your books have been very helpful for me
Kind Regards
Carina Botoft
P.S. Maybe this became more of a personal message rather than a comment to be shared.
Hello again
I hardly ever write comments online so I have little practice in this field.
I just would like to add to the comments I send earlier that Please do not upload the personal aspects and do not upload my name.
Kind Regards
Carina
Wonderful post, resonated with me as an HSP and HSS. Hiking is a wonderful way to balance the need for quiet reflection and the urge to explore new and exciting things. I live in Germany and love to hike our country’s many and varied long distance trails. Sometimes I hike alone, sometimes with a friend. Hours of being surrounded by nature, punctuated by visits to quaint towns, castles, museums and talking to fellow people one meets during the day leaves me very fullfilled without being overly taxed.
I loved reading this for the vicarious travel adventure and for your humor in relating the detente you’ve come to with these dueling and delightful parts of yourself!! Thank you!
I am smirking reading your post as I sit in the lodge by a fire sitting out the umpteenth day of polar bear viewing. After several days on the tundra in a buggy with a crowd of people and getting up in the middle of the night to see the aurora borealis and dog mushing yesterday. I need a break from people, from activities and from bears. As a HSS-extroverted HSP your description hits home to visit small towns, avoid cities, honor the HSS but in smaller bites and always have a dance between safer adventures where I feel comfortable and down time. If I’m going to countries outside of Europe, I use a private guide. No group tours for me. I need more control over my time and resting and alone time. It is most certainly one foot on the gas and one foot on the break as the dance shows itself daily during planning and execution. Sometimes the balance gets off, usuallly swerving towards HSS. With FOMO and then my body claps back and I get sick, forcing me to take a down day or several days. Thank you for sharing your experience.
LOVE your description of your trip! I can relate on a very deep level and it is so nice reading the “narrative “ that describes in real words my own journey and reactions as a newly discovered HSP/HSS. Thank you for sharing this! It is tremendously encouraging!
Thank-you so much for your wonderful travelogue. I am like you in so many ways, and hearing someone else describe how it feels to be both HSP and HSS is so reassuring. I’m not so crazy after all!!
“… researchers wanted to know… how highly sensitive children, compared to other children, are affected by parenting—specifically, how feeling securely attached and loved affected their emotional regulation… the ability to have the right emotion…”.
As HSP kids… we absorb more of the emotions of everyone that happens to be around us at any moment. We seek from our parents love and acceptance as any kid will. As young children, we are particularly sensitive as HSP Natures (even more so than ‘regular’ kids) and we are also by nature quite needy and dependent as kids on our adult figures. This means that we will be deeply affected by and will absorb the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of all these people from whom we need and seek so much. As kids, we do not yet have the maturity to understand that parents are not perfect people and they have their own flaws and weaknesses and problems. These personal frailties can and will come out either intentionally or unintentionally from adults in our ‘kid’ encounters with these authority figures. If your mother is insecure… we will pick up on that. If she is strong and confident… we will pick up on that. If our parents are unhappy or stressed… we will soak up some (or a lot) of that. If our father has been abused in his own life growing up as a child, he may (or likely will) carry those same wounds into adulthood and inflict that same pain upon his kids.
All of these factors and more – such as our own unique personality as one-of-a-kind individuals – will greatly affect how we are able to regulate our own emotions. And of course there is a wide range of reactive behaviors from having the ‘right’ emotions most of the time all the way to being deeply hurt and traumatized in our childhood which can result in negative and unpleasant reactions we might display as children. There is no one-size-fits-all here. Since we are all different, we will react differently to any and all growing-up circumstances.
Also, our peer group will have a great affect on us as HSP kids. Likewise to our parents… we will soak up the thoughts and emotions of our peers more so than kids who are not HSP. If we are in a nurturing group of peers we will have a greater chance to thrive among them and outside of them. If we are in a group that senses we are somehow different and perhaps more vulnerable then we can be subject to being bullied or kept ‘out of the group’. Again, since we are in the very vulnerable window of young age without full maturity to guide us – this can be quite challenging or even harmful to our developing personality that seeks group acceptance. Negative influences in our young years can affect us for a lifetime in our finding it hard to relate to and trust others. If our sensitive nature has been hurt by peers we may shy away from human contact and perhaps even have issues with dating and marriage.
One wonders how many divorces have happened if the non-HSP personality just couldn’t handle a life with an HSP person. Or the other way around.
Again, there is no one answer to this as we are all individuals who will react uniquely to our given circumstances – and changes in our lifestyle as we grow older.
It is therefore critically important for parents and caregivers to identify an HSP child early-on and always be mindful every moment of their need to provide an unambiguous strong support system of love and security for that child. Only in this way can an HSP kid have the best chance to grow up fully happy, healthy, and well-adjusted.
Being an HSP person is a great gift and privilege not experienced by everyone. All of us who are HSP know how our sensitive natures affect us personally everyday – every moment – and how it has greatly influenced us in our growing-up years.
Sometimes being HSP it is work – hard Work to provide for our unique needs 24/7. But it is worth every effort as we can get back so much more from Life in being ‘our’ way than our less-fortunate friends and neighbors who have to plod through Life without the great gifts of sensing and insight and compassion that being HSP brings with it. Our Source Creator has given us something really special.
In fact, I have come to the conclusion that Our Creator is probably HSP, too! So we are all in some pretty good company.
This is the first blog I have finally read and look forward to more. I didn’t realize till I read this that I am a HSS and HSP too. I did two trip this summer/early fall. The first one was very successful. I drove by myself from Vancouver to Saskatoon (the Canadian prairies). It’s a minimum 2 day drive. I gave myself 3 days on the way home for which I’m very thankful. The second trip was for a friends wedding flying from Vancouver to Toronto (Hamilton) and it was only a week and I got very sick half way thru the week. I’m still recovering. The HSP has told the HSS lets allow more time between trips. I had only 12 days between trips. That might be lots for some people but it didn’t feel like enough to me. I also wish I had worn a mask on the flight. I blame the illness on that but who really knows. I love travel mostly to different countries. There is one place I like to return to for short trips.
I am both HSP and HSS. I live in Bergen as I have mentioned previously in this post. It is a very peaceful and beautiful place. But I have a strong drive to go out as well. I need inspirations. One of my hobbies is playing piano which I do a lot. I need to go out to find inspirations for my music as well as I mostly find lot of energy for practicing. I usually go to London. It is almost absurd urban in relation to my hometown. Detached from wild nature. It is interesting and sometimes inspiring for me to see which impact this very urban and strongly multicultural society has on humans. I like unpredictable social settings at a certain amount.
My strategy is always to plan. I am always getting overwhelmed and I need to plan time for recovery every day and also when I come home. I have to escape to a a very silent place for sleep and recovery every day and I have places that give me small breaks during the day.
Thank you Elaine for sharing your experience! I have to say I’m exhausted reading about it and taking notes on places I’dike to visit! I moved to France 6 weeks ago, the Dordogne, from California. Besides the state of politics which greatly affects my HSP nature, I was bored, the HSS in me! Already I’m looking at booking an Airbnb in Paris Jan-Feb even though I hate big cities, but am craving more action, than the countryside of Bergerac provides. And I’m hoping, that time of year, I’ll have Paris “to myself”! It will also help me have things to do when the doldrums of winter get me down. We’ll see. My thought is, if I stay 2-3 months in various French towns, I’ll solve the overwhelm and need for downtime with the need for a new adventure. I wish I had a scout who can find me the perfect Airbnb for me and my two cats. We need a spot of sun every day! 😂
Thank you for this excellent article. Very helpful :-)
I’m curious if there has been any research on the effects of TMS on the HSP brain. Does TMS damage our ability to be perceptive and sensitive? Our ability to feel more deeply than other people? Or does it just help with depression and anxiety as advertised?
Hi Grandparents Elaine and Art ~
Out of all you dearly shared Elaine, your experiences with your Grandsons stand out the most for me.
Good Going Gramma! 👊🏼 And Grampa👍🏼
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