Although I have been asked many times to write something for “older HSPs,” how we in particular may experience aging and the problems that come with it, I have resisted, resisted, resisted. So many people my age are obsessed with this stuff. Honestly, I have always thought the subject boring. We are all getting older. So what?
However, I am about to turn eighty and that does feel like a noticeable change in status. Further, I just spent some time (three different full days, one night) in a hospital, new for me, which ended with a procedure that turned out fine, but did involve a week of pain afterwards. I repeat, I am fine. Better than ever. No rumors, please. But I know age means more of this sort of thing.
So is there anything I have learned from my medical journey that might help other HSPs when they find they are dealing with illness, medical stuff, or just losses due to aging?
(Note, I have nothing to say for the moment about retirement, loss of loved ones as we grow older, the positive side of aging—all the other things you may wish I would write about. This is all I can muster. And as with the pandemic, aging may be the same storm for all HSPs, but we are in different boats, meaning very different situations. So I do not wish to generalize too much.)
This will be short, but I can say the following:
- Figure out what you need medically and ask for it until you get it. This is a time when you must speak up.
- Be unfailingly kind and interested in the medical personnel helping you. Ask about their kids, their hobbies, what they will do when they get off their shift. These new friends will be your allies when you have to ask for something you need. Be interested in them and they will be interested in you.
- Watch for signs of their being an HSP—many medical personnel are. Bring it up and they usually will be interested, even if it doesn’t fit them. Maybe they have a child or parent who is highly sensitive. It’s a great topic of conversation if you do not make it entirely about your needs. Still, they will associate you with sensitivity and you want that.
- Life has two aspects, the relative and the absolute (call it God, nirvana, pure Being, the transcendent, the beyond-personal-self). I hope you know both aspects. I especially hope you can experience the absolute, as a brain state, not just an idea. This will probably be through a meditation practice that has regularly taken you to the absolute. If you have not begun such a practice yet, it is never too late. This is important because there is nothing like body issues, pain, medical stuff, and all the rest to pull you into the relative until it seems like that is all you are. Fight back. Go to the Absolute as often as you can, for solace and simply for the bigger picture. Fall asleep turning to it. Wake up remembering it. You are more than this thing you are being treated for. Way more than this.
- About the losses due to aging: Accept them gracefully. What choice do you have? You can be sour, bitter, envious of the young, or sad, but that’s not a good place to linger. Feel these feelings if they have come to visit, but then show them the door. Be grateful for what you still can do. Role model grace and gratitude for everyone coming behind you, who will be where you are soon enough.
- About death: As an HSP, you have naturally processed deeply the fact of your mortality. But here is my personal advice: Don’t give it much more thought. Have reasons to live. Death will take care of itself.
Older HSPs Have Better Balance That Those Without the Trait
Just before I wrote this blog, the following very timely research study came through.
Casanova, L. H., Luhr, J. H., Aguilar, M. A. C., Chacón, A., Chacón, M. P., King, K. H., … & Espinosa, C. N. (2024). The High Sensitivity of Sensory Processing and its relationship with postural balance in older people. Retos: nuevas tendencias en educación física, deporte y recreación, (58), 308-314.
It was done in Chili, with 77 persons over age 60. This age group is important because of the greater danger from falls as we get older. There was a significant association between scores on the HSP Scale and ability to maintain one’s balance while eyes were closed. Participants stood on a special platform for measuring their balance, told to stand looking straight ahead for 10 seconds, then to close their eyes and do the same. This was repeated with an unstable platform of foam. There was no difference when eyes were open, suggesting that eyes closed is especially tricky. You don’t have their fancy platform, but try standing on one foot, beside something you can grab onto if you start to fall. You will see that keeping your balance with your eyes closed is especially difficult. You need all your ability to sense subtleties in your body, part of the gift of being highly sensitive as we age.
This post is chock full of wonderful advice- and thoughtful, original ideas, which I have always admired about you, Elaine. I am really glad you are doing so well after the hospital stay. I am one of those “coming behind you” by around 30 years- but old enough to think that getting to 80 and beyond with enthusiasm is one of my biggest personal goals. I hope you have more to say about your stage of life, I’m sure I’m not the only HSP who is curious to hear more about it. Thank you so much for all you do, and take care!
Please, PLEASE edit your post to correct the spelling of the name of the beautiful, progressive country of Chile, where I was privileged to live and work for three years. “Chili” is soup. 😊
Good point. Guess they didn’t hear you. :-) It still says “Chili” as of Dec 4, 24. Reminds me of the other S.American country usually spelled wrong: “Columbia” instead of Colombia. :-)
Thanks for all your insight over the years I certainly appreciate you. I found out about my sensitivity through your first book. It answered so many questions I had. I thought something was wrong with me. Now, I embrace my sensitive trait and actually enjoy it. Peace and blessings to you always.
Maureen
Maureen, I have felt the same way most of my life, like something is wrong with me…And for many years so did my husband haha. Understanding my high sensitivity not only healed a lot of the shame I’ve carried, but also saved my marriage in a lot of ways. Just wondering if you had that experience as well?
Yes Laura!! Reading the book and scoring so high was life changing. I realized I was of course the easiest one for my siblings to scapegoat because I seemed to hold all the family pain , I was even acutely aware of subtle things my siblings didn’t know! And I always felt like I had to take care of everyone. Also the family historian, remembering every detail of events and our many houses . What a relief to realize I am not just “thin-skinned” as my dad called me but amazingly sensitive, creative and multi-talented if I do say so myself! My 60s were my best decade yet. I’m so happy to be who I am.
Thank you Dr Aron!
Beautiful. Concise. Helpful. Thank you! Enjoy your travels.
Excellent. I’m not old at all but I really enjoyed reading this. Maybe a book one day? So friendly and helpful. Thank you.
Elaine,
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I am an HSP and have appreciated your work since it was first published. I turned 80 last year and have been blessed with good health generally, but have had a few major events (a rare adrenal tumor, a blood clot due to a genetic factor that causes my blood to clot more easily), and of course I have friends and family who have dealt with illness and death.
I appreciated all six of your points, and particularly resonate with #2 (Being kind and interested in those who are helping us, not only connects us more deeply with our helpers, but takes a lot of the fears of the unknown away) and #6 (I’ve had a life-long fear of those closest to me dying since my father took an overdose of sleeping pills when I was a child), but as I’ve gotten older I’ve found that living fully ever day makes life more fun and causes fears of death to be much less bothersome.
Hope your trips are wonderful. Live On!
I am happy that I can still put pants on while standing up…LOL! I am in good physical condition considering the life I have experienced. I chalk it up to constitution. However, I am processing so much mentally and spiritually these days. Humanity is in need of those of us who understand to remain balanced emotionally as all of the energies being sent earths way are wreaking havoc on the emotional state of the world. We see this evidently every day, read it everyday and feel it every day.
Have a wonderful trip in the natural world, Elaine, as it is the balancer we all will be guided to as change takes us into the unknown.
Thank you Elaine.
I am am HSP extrovert living in California and met with a new counselor yesterday and introduced her to your website and the idea of HSP. I am sure I am not the first to say this and perhaps it is a bit crude, but in order not to take ourselves too seriously me and my best friend who are both HSPs sometimes will say “it was very hard for my HSP-ness” or, “your HSP-ness is showing” and it will bring us back to the moment and helps us connect over this super power that we have. When I first read your book, it was such a relief! I just thought I was a pain in the butt! When falling asleep- no sound, no light, don’t touch me, turn my socks inside out, tagless clothes, I had to wear my clothes down under my little belly when I was a little girl and so on and so forth. The way I explain being an HSP to others is that I am downloading ALL OF THE INFORMATION around me ALL OF THE TIME. So living in a city – while I LOVE it- is too over stimulating- going to a party or a restaurant or concert- good to do every once in a while. And I LOVE the idea of us HSPs being the shamans and the folks who would smell a fire in our sleep and wake up the rest of the family or that there are certain peoples who are warriors! Who can just run toward the fight without having to think too much in it. Thanks again for all that you do and happy 80th!
I became 78 years old on Tuesday. I discovered your first book on HSP in my favourite local bookstore in 1991 at age 45. It was an epiphany and made great sense and cohesion of my confused life up to that point.
This is very timely for me -almost telepathic! I was musing just last week if there is any research published or in progress on HSP and aging. Your posting here seems eminently sensible and pragmatic. Still, the question in my mind at the moment is:
Does the intensity of SPS vary with age?
Thank you for this timely writing. I agree wholeheartedly about the hospital experience. You get more bees with honey than vinegar as the saying goes. Medical staff try their best, they work hard & I have no idea what goes on in their personal lives. Showing kindness & interest is easy & goes a long way to making any situation more pleasant.
After a short hospital stay last year I admit to finding the noise and lights an issue. Because it was an unplanned stay I had nothing with me. I now keep an emergency bag in my car with pjs, phone/ipad cords, soap, eye-mask, a book & earplugs. Being able to block out the 3 tvs going in the room would have helped immensely! I try to always have an audio book or 3 on the go, it helps in any noisy situation.
I’m fortunate to have great older role models, this inspires me to be one as well. I live alone & appreciate my solitude, as I said to a friend “I get along really well with myself!”
I’m also aware that as my time on this earth gets less, I want to spend it with company I enjoy, and doing things that feel good.
I feel blessed that these heightened senses, which can sometimes be so frustrating can also bring incredible contentment. Watching & hearing bees on a flower, the rain pouring onto my thirsty garden. Delighting in nature can bring me to tears. Good tears!
“Life is what you make it, always has been and always will be”. Grama Moses I was told.
Thank you Elaine for your very wise words, they have touched me deeply. Blessings to you and your family.
“… is there anything I have learned from my medical journey that might help other HSPs when they find they are dealing with illness, medical stuff, or just losses due to aging?”
Illness… Medical Issues… Losses due to Aging… are just sign-posts along the way to our intended destination – a destination deliberately hard-wired into the very fabric of material life and our given amount of time spent on Planet Earth.
All persons – whether of HSP nature or not – need to ‘prepare’ ourselves for our ever-approaching transition off of Planet Earth. It is critical to actually take time to fearlessly contemplate our nearing destination with courage and boldness. This makes one’s quest for preparation much easier than for someone who fears death and thus is caught completely unprepared in body and mind and spirit when death is imminent. Failing to get ready for our long ‘voyage’ ahead and making no mental or other preparations when the time comes for you to leave on that trip is not a good recipe to enjoy the ride.
Spiritual people have a much easier time with this anticipation of life-transition because we know that we are ‘not’ our physical bodies (even as we occupy them during Earthly life) but that we are souls spun directly from Divine Consciousness. Consciousness is incapable of ‘death’. What Consciousness does is change perspective and one’s scope of understanding as well as one’s grasp of our quantum cosmos in which we’ve taken our unique place. This is often called becoming ‘Enlightened’. This is the process of growing our minds beyond the enslaving limitations of a base human life lived without spiritual awareness and missing the energy and insight that Spirit provides.
I am not saying that one become consumed with thinking about ‘death’ to the exclusion of living a full and happy and enjoyable life. This is not an either-or situation. You can live a full and joyous life all your days and still find time for contemplation and meditation about the important transition that you are destined to go through.
And persons who have had Near-Death Experiences come back with greater joy and understanding than what they had before these profound and life-changing experiences. This tells us that Death is not to be feared – nor is it to be rushed. ‘To everything their is a Season’… the sage words advise us.
Death will find us at it’s own time and place. We don’t have to go out looking for it.
But it is our job to have our spiritual bags packed and ready – have all our Earthly accounts settled – and then boldly step with joy and confidence into the next phase of what our amazing Quantum Universe has readied for us.
A Joy Ride like no other.
@Roundball Shaman
None of us have any idea what death involves personally. We can’t prepare, we may lose our mind, speech, faculties, and so therefore cannot go with awareness into death. “Failing to prepare is not a good recipe…”?? Far too much pressure. “A joy ride”?? Far too much conjecture.
I think Roundball Shaman is speaking in metaphor.
Fantastic words of wisdom from a fantastic aging wise lady. Many thanks, Elaine. Good advice all around!
Thank you, Elaine, for these beautifully accurate insights about HSPs. I am 60 years old, and all you said resonates with me. I did not learn about how I am an HSP until just a year ago when a nutrionist i was seeing (a fellow HSP) told me about your research. This knowledge has profoundly changed my life for the better, and I am so very thankful for all you have shared with the world, Elaine. You are a beautiful soul that has made such a hugely positive difference in this oftentimes too harsh world that we live in. Your work is a clarion call to society to recognize, understand and embrace the significant role and contributions we HSPs make to a chaotic world.
Laura – I just turned 61 and learned about HSP a week ago. I am currently reading Elaine’s book. I had never heard the term… I just Googled “people who are highly sensitive” and I came across a YouTube video and learned about Elaine’s book. Many things have happened over the last year or so that lead me to realize that I am unusally sensitive, and thus why I Googled it. I am beyond excited to have learned this about myself. It has helped bring into focus so many things in my life that I chalked up to insecurity, anxiety and weakness. I’m looking so forward to learning more. I only wish I had come across the 40 years ago!
Hi, I never heard of HSP before last night. I saw a program about it and I was blown away by what I heard. My whole life I always felt different than others. I tried hard to fit in,
out going, & friendly but I could always feel other peoples feelings. It made me so uncomfortable. I always felt like I was being exposed for something that was wrong with me. What I saw and read since yesterday on HSP makes me feel like I could possibly have
a reason for my life being the way it has been.
I can’t wait to get the books I hope it’s not too late for me,
I believe my children are HSP too and not realizing it so long ago, harmed them with my relationship with them. Please pray for me.
Thank you, Kathy
Thank you so much for these wise insights and comforting perspectives. I think often about death and legacy, about priorities and about the world I am impacting and how to leave it in a better place. Thank you especially for the reminder about life having both a relative and an absolute aspect. They exist together and the more we try to hold them in our mind as one, the more evolved our decisions may become.
It is just mind boggling, this life experience. From every angle examined, from every corner unturned, it only shows up as a deeper and deeper, and ultimately fathomless mystery.
Blessings & Gratitude!
Perimenopause, Menopause and Post Menopause are very real for ALL women. As an hsp, all my symptoms were heightened. Women don’t talk about it with other women and Drs gaslight and dismiss. I found Dr Mary Clair Haver who is getting a wealth of info out about menopause. However, I have not heard from an hsp who’s been thru it or smack dab in it. Would welcome talk from hsps on menopause .
I agree that perimenopause, menopause and menopause are heightened for HSP. When I talk to my nonHSP female friends I am surprised at how quick their hot flashes were or their mood swings. Their experiences with HRT are very different than mine. I found that I could not tolerate HRT and thank goodness I found a doctor who understood my HSP. He listened when I asked to completely go through all of my meds and supplements to help me find the right blend for my needs. He really jumped in and learned about herbal therapies and truly helped.
I realized too that as I was Croning, I needed more time outside walking in the woods, sitting on the beach and laying on the ground to organize my thoughts and plug back into my peace. My creativity also leveled up. I found myself making more time for painting and sewing.
Regarding work life, I found myself seeking leadership roles. It seems like my insight into complex problems and how to solve them has broadened. It is easier for me to see multiple outcomes and work out the fastest and easiest way forward in our project management at work. I am being asked more to take over projects that have stalled out and they are finally getting finished.
I have also noticed that I am less tolerant of people’s drama in the workplace. I see the games and provocations so quickly now which I call out as soon as I see it. I am also hypersensitive to the burnout of others more so than I used to be.
I think it would be interesting to hear how other HSP women in the Croning of the life cope and bring insight into this life experience.
Thanks for mentioning the menopause. Although it can be hard to tease things out (what’s causing what), the change in life has not been easy for me. Or simply aging in general.
Regrettably, I have become much less engaged in life, not more (in reference to your leadership pursuits).
I, too have less tolerance for bullying in the workplace. Unfortunately, those who carry out the bullying have been as incorrigible as I’ve been less tolerant.
As a HSP (now 65), I had severe reactions to antibiotics in my early 30’s. My mother, in her wisdom, sent me to a Homeopath, who assured me that any future infection, illness or experience in my life could be treated succesfully with homeopathy and I shouldn’t worry or feel scared. This turned out to be true and successful.
Fortunately, as my experience of the menopause rolled out, I was working alongside a homeopath at an educational project. As each symptom showed up, which can be different for everyone, I would explain it to him, he would give me a remedy and the symptom would fade away, sometimes returning weeks or months later, when he would give me the same or a different remedy.
I can honestly say that I sailed through it with his expertise and found an innner, different strength and wisdom of my own in the process. I cannot recommend highly enough to all women embarking on the journey of menopause to go find yourself a very good homeopath.
You are worth every penny it costs and with no side effects from homeopathy the menopause just becomes the next, natural process of your life.
I’m very grateful to my mother for sharing her wisdom with me since childhood; when I first became aware of being a HSP and loved my ‘Human Super Power’. With my mother’s love and care I had been taught to use it to my own and other people’s benefit. I love being a highly sensitive person.
Very best wishes and good luck to all women transitioning through their own journey of being human and divine.
I tried homeopathy years ago and felt like I was dying. As a severe HSP, I wouldn’t hastily recommend it to anyone just because it worked for you. We’re all different.
I agree. As a former RN, we need to realize that our bodies and brains respond differently to interventions. Best to talk to your doctor who knows you and your history.
Having just broken a hip three weeks ago, medical experience is right up there in my consciousness. One more item to add: we HSPs are gifted, even when in uncomfortable, unfamiliar and scary situations involving pain and embarrassment, to show compassion towards medical personnel. We have the ability to go beyond focusing just on ourselves. A great book to read is The Inner Work of Age by Connie Zelig. I truly appreciate your insights and agree fully. They were helpful to me and substantiated my experience.
The author is Connie Zweig, yes?
Hi Elaine, I really enjoy reading your blog and regular emails.
I wish you have a beautiful summer and all your super plans goes well.!
One question please : I have not read all your books as yet but, wondering about your thoughts about the link between neurodiversity and being a HSP. I am also interested in your thoughts about the challenges of being a HSP older parent.
I really would like to hear from you.
Any time in London soon?
Kind regards,
Ina
Thank you for this! I am one of the weird HSPs who love ageing. Simply because as I get older I understand more, stress less about nonsense, have greater compassion for all plus myself, appreciate every day more, etc. I have had some considerable health issues, so if I am pain free I celebrate, if I can walk I celebrate – if my mind is good I am happy, etc. My family also lost both the dads last year, so every morning I am still here I am grateful. Yes, my kids all battle, sadly – all neurodiverse, so I will look after 2 of them to the end. Meantime I learn so much every day about various mental conditions and challenges, all which feeds into my work as life and couples coach. When I can make a difference I am blessed. Love to you all special people!
Thanks for your thoughts and info. Good, grounded perspective.
Dr. Aron, thank you for sharing the benefits of your earned wisdom, including as an older person. I was touched by the poeticness of this phrase, “Go to the Absolute as often as you can, for solace and simply for the bigger picture.” And also by how true it has been in my own experience of how much better my life experience has been made by meditation, and turning often throughout the day to be in union with the Absolute– to,”Fall asleep turning to it. Wake up remembering it.”
Wishing you easy good healing. Thank you for this article. As a 66 year old woman, I appreciate your insights.
Thank you, Dr. Aron, for continuing to write and host this website. My HSP friend introduced me to your first book about 15 years ago and it completely reframed my past experience and guides my daily choices:). Thank you for the reminder to accept gracefully and be grateful for what we can still do (which ends up being a lot!). I am in my 49th year and aging has been an unpleasant sensory experience, in particular with late perimenopause (no reliable source of estrogen!). This reminds me to become aware of what I am thinking and doing that makes it unpleasant. What balances my HSP experience as I am aging is the knowing who I am, loving myself as I am in this moment (practice!!) and confident choices, especially speaking up in social situations. I have so much to share and finally able to do so! My connection to Higher Self is growing and listening to the guidance of my heart makes life flow more beautifully. I believe we are multi-dimensional beings capable to experience both the lesson of the 3D human (the relative) AND the connection to Higher Divine Self (the absolute). Bless you for sharing your wisdom and experiences.
It is important to notice that HSP do not disappear with age. It is not something you will grow away from. :).
I think aging is natural and let it be so. Age in a natural way. And we know how it is going to end, no surprise for us.
Support your health as much as possible and do what you can too be in good fit. Even when you are very old you can have a wonderful life.
Today I stumbled upon the documentary with Dr. Aron and Alanis Morrissette. I teared up almost immediately, and later I felt a bit over-stimulated, so I did not watch to the end. I began to research the subject online. I am 70, black, and female. I have withdrawn for many years into my own safe spaces and have managed to map out a decent life along with self-acceptance and some resignation about who I am in this world. I cannot help but think about how my life might have been easier with knowledge of, and help understanding myself as an HSP. Thanks to the documentary, I do feel a sense of peace today, knowing that the story of us is identifiable, and lives will become better as a result of research and greater understanding of the “20 percent”. What a relief it is to feel that I am not being “overly sensitive” or “anti-social” or “depressed” or sometimes ‘nuts”. A therapist once told me that I was “too intense and Just need to tone it down a bit” and I would be fine. I am, and always have been clearly, complex and highly sensitive from as far back as I can remember. Crowded spaces, loud voices, many other stimuli can be overwhelming. The suffering of others is difficult still to process but with age I have been able to gain perspective through measured acceptance of myself and my purpose in the world. Thank you Dr. Elaine Aron and all professionals working to shine a light on this thing called HSP !! What I am taking away at this time, is that I have two daughters, ages 39 and 49, both of whom I now believe to be HSP’s as well. We have often been joked about by other family and friends as being “all 3 just alike”. It’s true. We are eerily similar in how we live our lives. If I am right about them being HSP’s, it will be easier to understand and interact with them going forward. At least I hope so. I am also relieved and hopeful for the futures of all HSP’s.
Hi –
The tips on being a hospital patient i’ve been living out for years outside of hospitals.
As a HSP child I learned to self nurture in order to survive and maintain my private self. As an adult, I continue to use healthy self nurturing tools to heal and become assertive and free, more cheerful inside.
The books are a helpful validation and encouragement. I look forward to learning how to create harmony within and with others as a highly sensitive person. Thank you all🪷