I do not have to tell HSPs that we are now mired in personal and global uncertainty, because we hate uncertainty. We always process decisions deeply (e.g., struggle), and it’s hardest when there are so many uncertainties and future influences that we can think of all too well but cannot control.
Right now, almost everything requires our depth of processing. How much risk to take? Should I enter into this activity, situation, store, visit with a friend–or stay safe? What about my mask—is it right or do I need a better one? How will this affect me financially? What should I do about that part of it? What information should I trust? What supplements or foods should I increase now? Should I avoid grandchildren, elderly parents, or friends who want to get together and say it will be safe? Should I get that overdue medical exam or check out this health problem, or not? Should I send my desperately restless, hungry-for-learning-and-friends child back to school? When there is a vaccine, how safe will it be? Floating over it all: How long will this go on? Will I or someone I love get it? Will I/they be permanently damaged by it? Will I/they die from it?
I have written before about making decisions if you are an HSP, but so much of what I wrote does not apply here, such as looking for how you could undo your decision if it turns out to be wrong, or appreciate that a wrong decision will not be so bad in the long run. With covid-19, you cannot undo most decisions if wrong, and I don’t have to tell you that a single wrong one could be very bad. Eeks.
So here is my admittedly feeble advice. First, view this tsunami of uncertainty as an opportunity to develop your skill and tolerance. If we HSPs struggle with uncertainty, face into it, become an expert at riding it out. Use what you know as of now, apply some intuition about the situation, and act.
Next step: Listen to that old guy Buddha. Change is the essence of the relative. Everything around us is impermanent and so are we. If you cling to now, or to the pre-covid past, you are going to be unhappy. Stay as safe as you can, of course, but be a Buddha about it too.
Accept that the human brain also changes, daily. Sometimes being Buddha-like is totally impossible. Clinging to your best moods, happy self, or wise ego will not work. No matter how much you try to train yourself, you will not be at your best every day. That does not mean you should not do all you can to stay peaceful—meditate, spend time with nature, avoid over-stimulation, stay rested, get the social contact and support you need, but above all, remember that no feeling lasts forever. So be patient and kind to yourself when you can’t regulate your feelings.
Buddha, Christ, Lao Tzu, Rumi, and many others said that the solution to the changing nature of everything is to open to the unchanging, which is beyond all names or descriptors, yet hidden in everything like the sap in the trees, and with the right instruction easily found within you also, as your underlying, unchanging state of consciousness-by-itself. Your experience of the “kingdom of God is within you,” if you like.
So define what for you is unchanging. (Hint, this is probably ultimately a spiritual answer!) Stay with your unchanging as much as you can. That will not be always. But knowing it is there and touching base with it when you think to will really help.
By the way, I am pretty sure we HSPs and those close to us will account for a high number of those who do not catch the virus! We come with instincts (think of them: D.O.E.S.) perfectly designed for surviving this kind of threat.
Yes, our instincts (D.O .E.S) are really very precious.
A few days ago, on a beautiful morning, I went out and walking under the sunshine. Then I saw some people were jogging, I began to jog too, although I knew walking is better for me now, because I haven’t gone out for several weeks.
The result is, afterwards, I felt headache, out of breath, and can’t sleep well. I think that’s due to the over-stimulation.
So, I think we as HSP need to check with our body constantly, and respect our true feelings.
I have known since I was a young child that I was ‘extremely’ a highly sensitive person. I was the youngest of 4, all girls. I never felt heard, and always talked over. I had a difficult time in school, being around so many people. Always afraid to answer questions in class for fear of being wrong or being embarrassed.
I feel overall that I was sad in my adolescence years. I got lost in drugs, so easy to escape until it came crashing down.
1979 I met my husband. He helped me find myself, get confidence and I went back to college. I ended up with good jobs, but social anxiety never really went away.
Years ago people didn’t understand HSP, always called a baby.
So COVID hits, I was so happy that I didn’t have to leave my house. My husband and I spent our time outside having bonfires and just enjoying each other.
In the last year a lost my oldest sister to cancer, my second oldest sister, her husband was killed in a horrific car accident. And two weeks ago we lost my husbands brother, golfing one day, two days later on a ventilator. Never came home. I have a hard time with death, and the family left behind. My poor sister whose husband was killed, she went into shock, ended up in hospital. I was afraid to call my sister-in-law, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it together. I felt terrible and I kept apologizing to her.
Last week my husband ended up in hospital via ambulance. I know I lost myself… he has not been well and I’ve had to be main caretaker. I know I’ve been short with him and I don’t mean to be. I love him, and I want to help him. With that said he is doing much better.
I know I’m not the same person I was two years ago, so much has changed. I try like heck to do the right thing but I know I’m screwing up left & right.
I bought. Puppy, thinking it would had joy, happiness to both my husband and I.
Well oh my goodness the work involved with this little girl… I just added more stress/work for myself. She will be 7 months and I love her so there is no way I could give her to another family.
With all this said and I apologize, but HSP can be a struggle. Ukrain, my god someone help these poor people.
I spend a lot of time hiking in our woods down to the creek. Luna my pup always goes with me. Definitely my happy place. Today outside all day getting my garden beds in order. I am an artist, I use to paint on canvas all the time. With all the sadness in the world I cannot seem to get back into it.
I have two cats as well, so I will go with them for my quiet time in my bedroom. I like spending time alone. I know my family does not understand this, I wish they did.
Because I love them.
This is a touching post, Karen. I relate to a lot of it. I’m only 30 but spent most of my twenties escaping with drugs like you mentioned, and a sober stable life is still a relatively new thing for me. Sometimes it’s hard to accept the newfound peace and order and sometimes I find myself wanting to go back to the chaos. I’m an artist too and I do hope you return to your practice. I know you said it’s hard for you with all the sadness in the world–I get that, but for me making art helps me deal with it all. Not implying that you’ll have the same experience as me though. The world is a lot. No wonder I tried to resist separation from my mom at all costs…
But maybe that’s what’s unchanging for me–maybe I can continue to tap into that love and security I know she can provide whenever I need it. Hopefully even long after she’s gone. I fear losing my parents more than anything.
Thanks Elaine! That helps me a lot to put into perspective so much of the overwhelm, fear and anxiety I’ve been feeling. This entire COVID situation pushes differently on our 20% of the population and it can be exhausting. Having someone else validate our HSP experience really helps. Thanks for all of your work in this area and for this blog post. Hang in there!
Beautifully articulated- couldn’t have said it better!!!
Hope you, and those you care about are…. and stay safe.
So true…. it makes me realize how essential it is that we have partners that respect us as we do them—- knowing more and being concerned and informed, but constantly being fought because you do know more and having to conquer that as well as handle your own stuff- that has been my battle w an HSS partner- as well as with a family that is themselves like this , but has chosen me to be their scapegoat. I have never get this way before, but the degree of making fun or feelings and way of processing this year truly got me to understand the reason why some people think of suicide… Shame and not being “gotten,” rejection of the self… can cut deep.
Stay strong Roya,
You are not alone.
Take first and foremost good care of your self.
Thank you Elaine, for your care for all of us HSPs! I’m going to put two thoughts on notecards and leave them out to remember regularly. 1. Be patient and kind to myself when I can’t regulate my feelings.
2. Hold on to the unchanging (spiritual) aspects of my life.
Such a good idea, Lisa. I’m going to do that myself. Important reminders of how to take care of ourselves are often overlooked if you don’t keep them present like with simple, good notes.
Thank you, Elaine. I often find that if I can just accept my lack of control over a situation (especially this one), I feel better and less responsible (less like I have to “fix it”).
Also remembering that “the only constant is change.”
Thanks Elaine for sharing a good advice for the HSP community. I truly believe, spiritual intelligence helps us cope with uncertainty.
I have been practicing meditation for some time now, and it has helped me a lot with fears, doubts and even uncertainty.
“So define what for you is unchanging. (Hint, this is probably ultimately a spiritual answer!) Stay with your unchanging as much as you can.” – I’m on this journey, and hope to find it one day.
Thank you for this. I highly identify, and the weight of decision making has been incredibly emotionally taxing. I followed it up with a lot of self flagellation for ‘having such a hard time,’ when others seemed to be coping better. The uncertainty as a trigger was an ah ha a few days ago, and I’ve found a lot of comfort in sacred geometry, and the idea that things are constantly forming, falling apart, and coming together again in an unchanging cycle. I love that this so much coincides with your writing 🙂 So very nice to know others are experiencing t hi s similarly, when it seems I’ve been experiencing it so differently than the others in my life. Wonderful writing, thank you!
“What information should I trust?”
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That is a big one. So much of what we hear is polluted by somebody’s self-serving agenda that the so-called information is bogus at its heart. This is where our already well-developed Hidden Guidance System comes into play even more than usual. Trusting your gut is way to navigate the dangerous waters of Covid Info Nonsense.
.
“Everything around us is impermanent and so are we.”
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Our personal essence is permanent. Our bodies are not. We need to remember this all the more today. “We” will survive, regardless of any virus.
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“So define what for you is unchanging.”
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For HSPs, what is unchanging is our High Sensitivity Nature. Everything must be viewed through this lens. Life was already a challenge. Post-Covid, it’s just a different form of challenge. We’re already used to dealing with that. We need to treat ourselves gently and with understanding just as we would treat someone else. The HSP Nature is a gift from the Divine. It should be celebrated every day and not be used as a source for worry.
This is beautiful insight. Thank you for helping me realize this – “Our personal essence is permanent” and that what may be unchanging for us is our high sensitivity nature. I so agree. Thank you for giving me definition. Now, I can always go back to this truth when I am shaken with uncertainty again.
Please excuse my long post – I don’t know where else to put this, but needed to get it out..
I am a nurse and newly graduated AGACNP. I was all set to begin my new career path in March at the hospital of my dreams when the pandemic descended on the world. My internship in emergency medicine was revoked due to financial strains and in the midst of uncertainty and fear, I broke. I was committed and received inpatient psychiatric treatment where I was given a shocking diagnosis of PTSD. This label shook me to the core as I thought only veterans were deserving of such a title. How ignorant I was to the world of mental health before my own unraveling!
While inpatient, I contracted covid and had to leave early, placed in quarantine for weeks – I found myself fighting for both my mental and physical well-being at a time when I had completely abandoned any hope of recovery. It was during this desperate time that I found Dr. Aaon’s work on The Highly Sensitive Person. I felt seen in a way I never had before!!
I had always considered my sensitive, empathic nature to be a weakness – something to be ashamed of and hide behind a bravado of self-deprecating humor and a white lie of self-assurdness. My decision to become a nurse was an attempt to put my seemingly weak, sensitive nature to “good use” as a compassionate caregiver. But now I am unsure of my path – I have lost myself and do not know where I would be of most use to others..
The pandemic has stripped me of all my self-imposed armors and past defense mechanisms and I find myself unequivocally raw, emotionally naked, and afraid in a world fraught by uncertainty. I desperately wish to return to work and rid myself of the guilt and shame I have felt since my breakdown and abandoning my post in the healthcare world, but the thought of returning makes me physically ill with anxiety. I do not know what the future has in store for me, but I somehow remain hopeful that something good will come of all this.
I am working hard on self-awareness and self-advocacy and slowly learning how to cultivate healthy boundaries with others as it is especially difficult for me to avoid taking on other peoples’ emotions as my own. I am coming to the realization that this may be a lifelong struggle, but one worth fighting for..
This is all to say: THANK YOU, Dr. Aron, for your courage and wisdom. Thank you for helping broken HSP’s like me find the words to help explain our big feelings. Thank you for showing me that my sensitive nature is not something to be ashamed of or hide away from the world. Thank you for all that you do. Your work has saved me, body and soul and I am forever grateful.
Dear Ashleigh, So good to hear that with all your sensitivities, challenges and traumas, you have found Dr. Elaine Aron. Your Soul is now getting honor and support. I remember something I was told: this is not your shame. Give this shame back to the person where it belongs. They can deal with their shame; not for you to do. This may take some of “their” burden off of your shoulders. Awareness is the first step. Keep on keeping on your way to feeling “ok-ness.”
Your words “Your soul is now getting honor and support; this is not your shame.” This resonated deeply with me. I have known for quite some time I am HSP, but something about those words has lightened my burden even more. Thank-you. Christine
Ashleigh, thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities. I respect you for that. I am also in the healthcare profession. I recognized myself as an HSP years ago. I do believe it is a strength in this field but painfully it can be detrimental to our own health. The pandemic has affected me in deep ways as well. I have so far been able to keep safe from the virus while doing my work but have found myself more isolated from colleagues as I have been one of the more cautious types. I am also going through midlife changes during this and have had significant relationship struggles with my immediate family because of covid. I do believe in my intuition but every day is challenging because most other HCPs don’t take the precautions and awareness as I or other HSPs do. It is exhausting to fake “being ok” in this setting. I am so depleted by the end of my day. I try to rest, escape in a tv show, exercise. Now more than ever do I feel so alone. Dogs and nature are my escape. Being so sensitive, I have not figured out how to just accept constant change. It brings much anxiety. I fear career loss or change, lack of income, illness or death, shattered reputation. Its much to bear. Feeling so much feels like a curse to oneself. How does one become numb but remain aware?
“It is exhausting to fake “being okay” in this setting. Thank-you for those words. I have never done well at playing pretend about how I am feeling. I am a retired high school teacher, and I have great empathy for those of you who are working in the “caring” professions. I hope you are taking good care of yourself and going as slowly through your days as possible. My respites are nature, my cats and music. Take care. Christine
I know that this is counter intuative – but i also have a feeling that this might make sense to you – you cannot be aware and numb. You must feel what you feel. Take it in. BE it. Scream if you have to. Break something even. And then let it pass. If it will not pass, break something else. To be empowered is to learn how to BE the emotion and bring it into rational space so that it can be dealt with. We have to deal with things that the others cannot. This is our role. I hope this helps somebody.
Thank you for writing this Ashleigh, I connected with so much of what you said.
So much has been changing for me lately, ever since March, and I have felt so overwhelmed and drained of energy throughout this pandemic, so disconnected from myself and from the world.
I just found this site this evening and it has really helped, reading this post and these comments following– I see there are quite a few people out there who are going through the same things that I am, having very similar feelings and experiences . It helps a lot, makes me think I am not as “crazy“ as I often feel.. thank you all for your relatable comments and thank you Dr. Aron for your work and this post especially.
I guess I needed to see this tn and I didn’t even know it.
Take care all.
Thank you for this. Very wise woman told me once in my early mothering years to ask myself this question:
“what is the worst thing that could happen? Do I have a plan for that worst thing? Is that worst thing out of my hands? If it is what is my plan to deal with that?“
I asked that question about Covid because it was causing me a lot of stress. My response was to learn as much as possible about coronavirus is and what they are doing. I found my stress highly relieved. I’m sure many of you took to study to inform yourselves and relieve yourselves of this kind of self torture. Learning, dissecting, and then developing a plan has always been my favorite set of coping skills.
Thank you for all you do and for all of your help and research into something so important to so many HSP that do not understand themselves, or what they’re feeling and why they can’t explain why they feel so differently.
As a young child, I am now in my 50’s, I knew I was different, but didn’t have a “label” even though I am not a huge fan of that word, but it’s really what it is. When we have something tangible it helps us feel like we’ve been found, after feeling lost for so long.
The biggest issue I still have till this day is deciphering what I feel and what others feel. In other words, when I feel something impact-full, I honestly feel that others feel it too but many times this is not the case. I almost feel like I am living in another universe or dimension and that human connection seems to move further away from me.
I have a hard time fathoming why others do not think or feel the way that I do. I can instantly tell if someone likes me, someone is authentic, someone is good or not good, etc…I can also tell if someone is developing feelings for me and Immediately feel uncomfortable. I am not sure if I sense it in their aura, their eyes, body language…all the above, etc? Most people are drawn to me, as are babies, animals etc…the issue is how Can one be themselves But not feel so overwhelmed by so much energy?
I don’t know how to be anyone else but me, but being me and thinking others think like me…only to find out they don’t seem to come close to what I am thinking can be exhausting. I hope this makes sense. 🙂
Elaine, your wisdom and gentleness with HSP’s have completely changed my life for the better. I cant’t imagine what going through the last few months would have been like for me if I hadn’t read your book constantly for the past two years. On top of dealing with the COVID situation, I’m dealing with my family being literally split down the middle by our political beliefs. And the knowledge and deep sense of helplessness that I can’t change either of those situations.
I’m one of those HSP’s that is an introvert – the only introvert and the only HSP in a large, vocal family. Fortunately, I became an enthusiastic gardener years ago, which truly has helped me not feel the effect of the COVID restrictions, since I spend as much time as possible in my garden.
But I’ve had all the fears you mention in your blog. My biggest fear is that my bright, only-child granddaughter will physically return to school, and although she is very conscientious, I know that there will be others there who won’t be.
My approach has been to sustain myself with the HSP materials, get outside as much as possible, and do my best to let go and try to believe that this massive change in our world will result in some improvements in our culture in the long run.
Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge of HSP’s. I truly believe that you have saved lives with your writings.
I just started exploring this website and golly am I thankful. My therapist recommended I check the site out and take the test. I am definitely a highly sensitive person. I’ve seen a few posts here or there on Instagram and the like about HSP, but I didn’t fully realize the extent of how much it affects my daily life. I’m “happy” to see that I’m not alone and to learn more about what I can do to help myself be okay with how I naturally am! That said, this season of COVID-19 has been a wild journey for me and bringing up sensitivities I never knew I had.
Elaine,
Thank you so much for reaching out to all the HSPs and giving them something to lean on during a time when we all feel like we are “turned on” full power. COVID-19 has been the most challenging and debilitating time of my life. So much, I developed physically pain in my stomach. Thank you for giving me a way to turn off and finally Sleep peacefully. I also wanted to add, that your words are far from feeble. They are a beacon for many who are suffering… thank you for your light! Much love 💕 Vittoria
THANK YOU Elaine,
your article – and reading the expression “pre-covid past” – insinuated my aspiration for normality that was hidden till now and, at the same time, showed me how to cope with.
For me being like Buddha means observing the ambience but also the inner impulses and needs, the last ones more than ever. Now is the time for getting to the core of our self, and since HSP often know others better than themselves, it is even more fundamental for us right now. Thanks for bringing this back to my mind! 🙂
Thanks Elaine, as an HSP my fear of uncertainity is quite great. Yes, spirituallity offers hope and meaning when we face the hard truth that life is uncertain at it’s most basic and profound level and that it is human to sense disconfort and fear, nevertheless we should try to reach calmness and self control.
Thanks again for the supporting community!
With all due respect, I would like to offer some unsolicited advice:
1) Try to ignore the mainstream media’s fear-inducing reporting of this ‘alleged’ pandemic. I say ‘alleged’ because, despite the WHO’s declaration of such, it falls to meet their own stated criteria for pandemics. In fact, many have referred to it as an epidemic of panic.
2) Seek out more rational explanations. Two of the best I’ve found are:
1. The Swiss Policy Research website, and
2. Lockdownsceptics dot org.
Administrator, please delete this Gary’s post. This stupidity has no place here.
ADMINISTRATOR, please delete Gary’s comment, it does not belong on this blog and refers to websites which have nothing to do with HSPs
Thank you
Tears rolling down as I read along the post and comments. This is my first time in the site and I feel so well understood, finally. And to my surprise, so many like-minded people out there who also struggle to fathom themselves, and feel strange about why they understand the others much more than themselves… often I react precisely to the situation before I understand why. I had a habit of bursting into tears whenever I felt truly understood since young…I also cry when I feel very happy, and I am easily excited about the others achievement, more than my own…for so many years I have no idea why. Am I sick? Do I have depression? Was i too polite?
I find that HSP traits really the perfect explanation to my behaviour. It settles my mind…
This year is turbulent… I am from Hong Kong…apart from the covid I am also overwhelmed and heartbroken by the nonsense in society…I tried to not watch so many news now, but sometimes I can’t help it, the injustice, the unfairness, the nonsense, the bully, the nonchalance of govt….all these challenges the sanity of many normal people, let alone HSPs. I hope to find peace eventually…
Thank you Elaine for your kind words…it soothes me as I read along.
I found out about HSPs late yesterday from the film Sensitive. Thank you, Elaine and your colleagues for focusing your research on HSP.
For most of my life I was told I was too sensitive, quit wearing your feelings on your sleeve plus the many other comments HSP have had thrown at them like stones. Each hit bruises to the core. I’m an introvert and pre-Covid I would “people” on my terms, which means gathering up my writing bag for a trip to Starbucks and write. When places are too crowded I feel like I’m suffocating and that brings the possibility of a panic attack.
Elaine, all of the fears and feelings you wrote about in the post could have been pulled from me.
Being chronically ill I take extra precautions when I have to go out and my fears are intense. My immune system is delicate: asthma and asthma related COPD, inflammatory arthritis (RA jr.) are two of a laundry list of medical conditions I face.
I don’t want to become sicker. I’m doing my best to control the physical problems I already have. I want to live. There are books to write, art to be drawn, new people to help on their writing journey.
Staying home to write my genre fiction and nonfiction, research, and do art crafts is my happy place. Being locked down is probably driving extroverts crazy.
Thank God for my fiction writing, research, online teaching, learning digital art and crafting. Those activities keep me happy and in turn, help others. I started a blog for my dog and we, I mean, he has author interviews to introduce people to their books. The Doggy Bloggy of Smudge Alpin MacRuff is a bit silly and I hope it gives someone a chance to laugh, to reduce their stress (at least for a few minutes).
Smudge loves people. All people. Young, old, kids, babies. All he wants is for you to pet him. He’s sweet, stubborn, intelligent, and a little gnawty. The Bloggy is our contribution by using laughter to promote healing.
I have so much to catch up on in your research/books Elaine. For the first time I felt like someone understood me and I was being punished for being HSP. Once I have a better understanding of HSP I know my creativity will benefit which in turn, will boost my spiritual and mental health.
After watching the film and reading this article I felt a sense of peace come over me. It’s a relief to know that 20% of the population “gets me.”
If anyone needs a laugh stop by the Doggy Bloggy of my opinionated Cairn terrier. You can find Smudge here: smudgemacruff.wordpress.com
Thank you, Elaine and everyone for your comments. I have found my tribe and am content.
Hugs to all,
Tambra Nicole Kendall (and Smudge Alpin MacRuff)
I came up with this quote that I think might apply….
“It may be hard only FOR YOU (and other people like us), but it’ll still be HARD for you. Don’t hide your thoughts and feelings away.”
(The adjective “hard” is interchangeable for another adjective…..and the all caps words are meant for an emphasis, but I would’ve done italics or underlined if I could.)
Hello. I am a Frenchman, 55, now resident of Cambodia, happy to live my life mostly alone these days in a countryside environment south of the country. I have had a previous life, very different, now behind me. I finally discovered few years back thru vast reading and on a long path of (self) knowledge-improvement that ‘my difference’ that I had been able to sense for quite a long time but could not precisely grasp, let alone name, was exactly this : hypersensitivity, this trait of personality shared by many human beings. Elaine Aron and her many writings have been of great help to me on this journey. And while I have been following this website/blog for the last 3-4 years now, I must say, and this is essentially what I wanted to express here, I have been struck by how exact what Elaine says about us/me is. It happens with this text above which I have been reading just before, it happened with few previous posts, I read and I say to myself : wouaou, this is the precise, exact, right description of how I feel, sense, think, behave. It makes for a very positive inner emotion. I never got this clear understanding of ‘who I am’ from anybody before, parents, closed ones, loved ones, never. I get it increasingly for myself, inside me, and it has certainly participated to giving me more and more peace, I with I, and I with others (along with the spiritual practice on my own which I have started over 10 years now after an encounter ’by chance’ with the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh and later tibetan buddhism, and pursue daily to this day).
Thank you Elaine
I just came across this site today. I knew I was empathic, different and more sensitive to things more so than others for some reason, for a long time but could never pinpoint how to explain it besides my anxiety and traumas I’ve experienced and suffered throughout my life. I have felt shame and guilt for this for so long. I feel like a horrible human, like I’m doing it wrong or something is wrong with me.
This explains me.
Since Covid, I’ve felt so fearful. On high alert constantly. I stopped doing what I love and have worked so hard for. And even though I’ve always considered myself introverted, I miss feeling safe to leave my house to get a change of scenery for a few hours and seeing clients in person for an hour Jeep and there throughout my day. The extreme changes this past year has brought already, in so many ways for me and many, this past month has been even harder because we had to move. So I had to leave my comfort and am currently trying to make this new home comfortable and leave a home that held many good and bad memories, including our Son dying and our Daughter getting married. I feel like things have gotten ripped away from me, things that brought me happiness. I had to get help moving and that sparked my anxiety and what I now know as my sensitivity even more and I constantly felt a doom. I’ve felt I’ve been fighting depression this past week especially, feeling lost, so confused seeing so many living normal lives in midst of this pandemic and it’s really sent chaos to my mind. Questioning myself. Someone in an above comment mentioned being conscientious, but that many others aren’t, and that’s where I get stuck. I don’t trust and it keeps me hiding and afraid and on high alert with my Husband who owns a business and has to be out in this world among the less conscientious. I have overcome so much in my life. Trauma, child loss, parent abandonment due to indoctrination, addictions, suicide attempts, rapes, physical and emotional abuse and a made complete life transformation, but this year, although doesn’t have me feeling like I want to run back to my past addictions, does have me feeling hopeless and empty. Like I’ve completely lost what I’ve worked so hard for these past 10 years.
Life always seems to show you things when you need to see them the most. I believe this is why I came across this site this morning. I needed to see it so I can learn how to deal with this world that just seems so different for me than others, especially these days.
I’m glad I found it. Thank you.
Tears rolling down as I read along the post and comments. This is my first time in the site and I feel so well understood, finally. And to my surprise, so many like-minded people out there who also struggle to fathom themselves, and feel strange about why they understand the others much more than themselves… often I react precisely to the situation before I understand why. I had a habit of bursting into tears whenever I felt truly understood since young…I also cry when I feel very happy, and I am easily excited about the others achievement, more than my own…for so many years I have no idea why. Am I sick? Do I have depression? Was i too polite?
I find that HSP traits really the perfect explanation to my behaviour. It settles my mind…
This year is turbulent shilajit… I am from Hong Kong…apart from the covid I am also overwhelmed and heartbroken by the nonsense in society…I tried to not watch so many news now, but sometimes I can’t help it, the injustice, the unfairness, the nonsense, the bully, the nonchalance of govt….all these challenges the sanity of many normal people, let alone HSPs. I hope to find peace eventually…
Thank you Elaine for your kind words…it soothes me as I read alo
I cry and cry not knowing who I am and now I know. Is there anyone out there who cares cuz I have lived my whole life not understanding why know one cares about me. I lhave lived the past 21 yrs with RSD and two other chronic illnesses and living with never ending 24 hr a day pain. I have nearly died in 2012 and I was admitted to the hospital to die but I refused to lose and tho I live with overwhelming 24hr a day pain, I am alive but my heart aches and hurts so bad. I am 63 and been married for nearly 42yrs now and i have told my wife why doesn’t anyone love me or care who I am. I ask my wife why she doesn’t love me and why she does the things she does to me and why do I catch so so many people in lies? I used to work all levels of some kind of middle level security and have I caught so many people in lies so easily? FBI agents, all levels of executives to evey day people who have done wrong. Especially my wife whom I have asked a million times, “Why are you lying to me” She has turned her back on me a million times and just left me standing there all alone without understanding why she does this to me. I hate violence in movies of any kind and I can not be in crowds for more than 10 mins before everything and everyone comes crashing in on me and I just want to escape some place of peace. I have cried literally over a thousand times in my life needing some one who understand and will touch me with real love and compassion. I have so many times wanted to just drive till I ran out of gas some place where no will ever find me and just die in peace with myself cuz I am the only one who knows me. I just wish I could be with people or some one who really truly understands.. I would like to post a url of songs I have written. People always comment why I don’t write the traditional un happy songs. Now I know why I write happy songs cuz I hope a pretty girl will recognize the signs and find me and say, “I understand Jim I will never turn my back on you” and just hold me so I could feel an honest compassionate heart. Ami alone or have I found a place where there are others like me. http://www.broadjam.com/jimburns Please listen to my songs and tell what you think. Merry Christmas, Jim
I liked your music. It calmed me down. Thanks.
I just saw the movie, “Sensitive – The Untold Story.” I was blown away. I cried because I saw myself for the first time. It explained so much to me. I watched HSP videos and read the responses from people. I am 68 years old and the truth has set me free. 2020 has been a rough year for us all and coping has been a challenged. The pandemic has afforded me the opportunity to be alone which has enabled me to face undealt issues. Staying home with minimal distractions has been a boon. I have been talking to a therapist this year to deal with a load of unresolved events in my life. What a help that has been. Now that I know I am an HSP, the blocks fit together! Black Lives Matter movement, attack on minorities, Covid-19, political fighting, lost of our economy and more have been such an overload of stimulation that I felt “crazy.” I felt all the sorrow, anger, fear, hatred, vindictiveness, hopelessness, and yes, I also felt hope, love, caring, kindness, dreams too. It makes me so sad to see how Covid-19 has separated families by politics. This year has been overwhelming and that I now know why I feel the way I do. It has bought out the worst in some people, which I feel when I am out and about. So I cope with nature, which I love, watching positive videos, loving my cat, praying according to my belief, and helping others when the opportunity arises. I am practicing self-care which I have been negligent in doing. Knowing I am HSP is the icing on the cake. Now I wish to meet others like me, especially since I have been learning to set boundaries to keep the negative energies in their place. I am extremely hopeful for 2021 now. I know who I am! Thank you Dr. Aron for the work you have done in bringing light to many people who need it.
Thank you.
I was sitting alone in my car after a particularly difficult emotional experience today when I found this website. What a gift, this website and the support of you kindly people who share this wonderful/challenging gift of being a HSP.
I grew up with intense trauma and, coupled with what I now know was being an HSP, I developed unhealthy coping strategies to get through life. But as I’ve faced the death of a child and marriage issues I had to deal with myself before I could begin to heal from those hurts.
Just this year, in the midst of the great challenges we all have faced, I have made great personal progress in realizing that I am a HSP and that I don’t have to live in constant self-hatred but can, instead, embrace this gift of sensitivity and love the gift of life that God created me to be! I have a lovely counselor who is helping me to discover my value and learn how to care for myself and self-calm when I cannot escape the external stressors.
My living children are most like both HSPrs (they are 11 & 2) and my husband very emotional and a verbal processor. Just daily life can simply overwhelm me – and this year with the added stress of COVID and the political issues I have been in a constant state of duress and overload.
Thank you for your work! And thank you to the brave people who share their stories! God designed us to need community and what a gift it is to feel understood and valued – especially for the areas of ourselves that feel weak or unpleasant.
Dr Aron,
Do you see any significant correlation between HSP and addiction? Are there any programs available for identifying HSP during the course of recovery?
Thank you for your work.
Cindy
Thank you HSP community! I also just found out about HSP’s after starting therapy this week because I have been feeling so overwhelmed, wanting to withdraw, letting go of vices, feeling all of the atrocities around the world and needing to deal with past traumas. Finding this community and others like myself is so unbelievably healing. Now I want to dig into all of this information and find a way to harness our superpower for good.
In addition, it’s nice to know that I am not alone in my desire to protect myself and my family from this virus. It is hard for me to understand why others (those that have the choice to protect others and do not) do not want to protect the others around them and those that have to be out in the community to keep our world, businesses and lives going.
So thanks HSP community! I feel heard and seen.
Love, Melissa 🙂
thanks a lot
During COVID I have been fortunate that I could do most of my work from home. I am grateful for the people who worked to keep the grocery stores and take-out food shops open. Otherwise, I would be a complete hermit. The ability to stay home confirmed that I am highly sensitive. I dread having to go back to my office work. It has been almost a year since the pandemic prompted stay-at-home orders. Over the next months, there will be ambiguity and change. Orders to go “back to normal” and, yet, not enough people vaccinated.
Do you have advice for this re-entry process for HP’s?
la verdad encontre el termino en una pelicula y empece a investigar…
soy Artesana… y siempre he tenido problemas con el entendimento creativo… las ideas creativas de sabores conseptualizados en artesanias…
siembargo toda la vida tuve despierto el sexto sentido… una forma extraña de ver las cosas que otros no ven… y con tono burlón ser llamada bruja… por saber cosas que las personas no dices… secretos personales…
empesaba a sentirme tonta… pero esta teoria habre la posibilidad de no sentirme rara… y saberme un poco mas normal…
mi hija me dice que psicoanalizo todo.. y atodos a donde voy… y dudo de mi cordura… siembargo cuando no me equivoco en mis apreciaciones no puedo saber como sentirme…
se dice que mi abuela materna era igual… y me aferraba a esa idea… pero su teoria me da un poco de mas seguridad… sobre mi misma y que hay mas personas como yo…
GRACIAS…
I apologise in advance for the long comment.
I am a HSP living in the UK.
I left my family, and my Country when barely an adult, having had a childhood in which I experience trauma and I saw first hand the devastating effects the lies of governments and the media have on people and society.
How fear is used to control people.
I suffer with PTSD, underlining health conditions, some genetic, some due to childhood trauma, and some apparently were caused by a bad reactions to a series of vaccinations I had during a very stressful time twelve years ago.
As a result, my already overwhelming fear and distrust of the medical professionals, the media in general, and the majority of autoritarian, fear mongering governments and their agenda – means I lived this last year more and more isolated from fellow humans, as their fear didn’t make sense to me in my guts, and the more I read about the pandemic and the virus the more it wouldn’t answer my logical questions.
What scares me is that even within my closest circles of friends who I thought understood my nature, my logical mind, and my intelligence – the moment I question things I have been labelled as a conspiracy theorist. Just for asking questions.
So to have seen someone respond on here to a post that doesn’t agree with the general belief about vaccines and the pandemic and asking it to be removed, I was surprised, but glad it wasn’t removed.
It is ok to question, isn’t this the whole point of being a HSP? I am highly sensitive and something about all this doesn’t feel right.
Am I ok to question?
If not, I really don’t see a place in this world for those that like me, will not be vaccinated, and are already worried they will be completely shut out of society and seen as the enemy.
Just because in our heart something doesn’t feel right.
I hope at least some of you will understand.
Thank you for your time reading my experience.
Jess
I overtake my meds. Stims for adhd. Only time im happy. Dopamine starved brain craves the chemical release. Ahhhh. Then Im out. I dont care. I worked all thru covid on a hospital floor where bullies are cited for their professionalism. I am being evicted by bf of 4 plus yrs who’s mentally bipolar unmedicated and has an oedipial complex for his mother who just wont die because hatred and snobby entitled persona. Ugh. I cant afford home purchase or rental bc Im on disability 20 yrs. Ugh I cry daily and hate a lot of folks today. Rageful hatred. Venting thx.
aah, the part about connecting to the unchanging… this is soooo good, thank you so much!
i never saw it expressed anywhere in this way, yet this is exactly what i need to be reminded of so often lately.
much love to you <3
~ Alexandra
Great article – and glad I found this blog.
Now that it has been over 18 months into this covid crisis began, I am finding myself becoming (habitually) more of a hermit – not really wanting to go out much at all anymore. I use to enjoy camping and traveling around doing this – across many states. But I feel more afraid to do so these days.
I have come to a place where I choose not to watch any news anymore bc it just puts me into overwhelm and fear – in many areas of the news (e.g., politics, world events/crisis; decaying morality; hate crimes; etc, etc.). This is so strange for me. I just turned 59 and seem to be more sensitive than ever. I still do spend a lot of time in nature as my apartment complex is on a beautiful piece of property on a lake. I am grateful for this.
Does HSP’s become more sensitive as we age? This seems to be true for me at least.