I was born a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and a Person of Color (POC) in the good ole’ USA. My mother was a beautiful and caring ethnically mixed HSP, Josephine Valorie (French, Native American, and Caribbean) and my father was, unfortunately, a confused, Black, non –HSP, whom I will call Mr. Man. My Mom is 91 and living alone, but not lonely, in San Jose, California, near my caring and loving HSP sister and brother-in-law (Barb and Keith). Mr. Man is dancing with the devil six feet under.
When I was five years old, Mr. Man was abusive towards my Mom. After one of his binge drinking sessions, we caught him cheating on my Mom, and I was the snitch. As a result, a quarrel broke out. As he was on top of my Mom and beating her with his bare knuckles, I, not knowing what I was doing, tried to stab Mr. Man with a pair of my round-nose, arts and crafts scissors. I was unsuccessful! Soon after that episode, my Mom got him moved out of our home, thank God! Years later he finally got his–his HEART gave out! Physically for him and both physically and metaphorically for me.
Ok, eeeeeeeeenough! I will STOP the rant. I am just saying, so you know that I am a little broken from that episode in my life. As I matured, my Sensitive mechanism, D.O.E.S (Deep thinker, Overstimulated easily, Empathetic and Sensitive to subtleties) kicked in, and I tried to forgive him. However, it has been painfully hard. The aftershock is still nagging me. Even when I look in the mirror, I would sometimes see glimpses of his face agonizing. I am sure some of you can relate.
Guided by Martin Luthur King Jr.
Fortunately, I grew up under the voice and indirect tutelage of Martin Luther King Jr. His spoken words touched me deeply and must have awakened me to some extent. However, I searched for some truth to free me from the shackles of the Mr. Man prison I was still living in. I was also facing the RACE card that I was dealing with during my development. I began to understand that Mr. Man may have been livng in his own baggage of systemic racism from growing up in the good ole’ USA too. This may have caused him to be living in a manic state, Hmmm!!!!
I was raised in Monterey, California’s small seaside village, so I mostly saw the evil of racism on TV and felt the tension at my high school. My Mom never spoke poorly about other races; she never called names nor put others down. She always made my sister and I feel that we had BOUNDLESS potential. But I was still impacted! I was labeled many things, Colored, Coon, Negro, Ni**er, Boy, African American, Black and today, well, I am not sure what we are called today, don’t really care either.
Ok, moving along, the riots came and went, and we (POCs) thought maybe a change was finally in the making. Over the years Hank Aaron had knocked it out of the park, Mohammed Ali floated in like a butterfly and stung like a bee, South African leader Nelson Mandela became a global influence, Tiger Woods was a hole in one, the Williams sisters were doubling down in the tennis world, and then Barack Obama! For a while, “Yes, we can” became the new norm. He made me so PROUD, and like a healthy HSP, I cried for joy and thought to myself that Martin Luther King’s ‘I Have a Dream’ had finally come to fruition.
Learning from Elaine Aron
Then things changed again in the good ole’ USA four years ago. Clearly it will not be permanent. Another thing that changed that really is permanent is that I learned I was highly sensitive. And my high sensitivity has really helped during these times. Sometimes being an HSP can be awkward until you grasp the beauty of this powerful trait. Then you can unleash the positive and take control of your life, making a difference for many, as I hope I have done with our movies. Today and always, I am marching to the beat of a different drummer and proud of it. I am a registered HSP-POC and loving life. I have metamorphosized FOR THE BETTER. FANTASTIC! You will see what I mean below.
All this because I met an angel who truly understands the seat of consciousness. My cherished friend and creative collaborator in many film productions, she is the author of The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine Aron, Ph.D., researcher, psychologist, best-selling author, loving wife, mother, grandmother, and the godmother of us Highly Sensitive People. She orchestrated our movement (although she hates that term for it!) in concert with her NON-HIGHLY SENSITIVE and loving husband, Dr. Arthur Aron, the voice of intimate relations and love.
OKAY, now for the POINT OF NO RETURN – 2020, two significant crises have simultaneously touched down on Planet Earth amid the Climate Crisis. It seems it has taken one disaster, the CORONA VIRUS 19 pandemic, to keep the global community away from each other (social distancing). And another one, social injustice, to bring us together. What a total paradox, yet it is ‘Supercalifragilistic’ and beyond me. The oddity is now we have the world’s attention. First, you get their attention, then you educate!
My Goal—Educating the Public about HSPs, Especially HS POCs!
My goal is to become an advocate for educating the public with what I have learned from embracing my Highly Sensitive gift. I have already done that with three films, beginning with Sensitive, the Untold Story and there will be more. Now I will also do it with short films on YouTube@WillHarperG2G_HSM.
Again my inspiration is MLK. He was known by many as a sensitive soul. His friends and family told me he was a deep, deep thinker, empathetic towards all, and cried easily. He lived in an overstimulated state, yet he was a real visionary, feeling and reading the state of affairs–affairs that needed immediate attention, not a blind eye. He witnessed systemic racism first hand in the USA. MLK said, “True education doesn’t result in the simple ability to spit out memorized facts and score well on standardized tests. Education should enable the student to learn how to reason, how to determine the false from fact. The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character is the goal of true education.”
Through my new YouTube vlog and my association with the Arons and all my collaborators, HSP and not, we will engage, embrace, and educate. I like to call it edutainment, utilizing mass communication through music, film, and digital applications. I will introduce you to my sensitive and non-sensitive friends of color and share their unique stories about the innate trait of high sensitivity. Don’t forget that 1.4 billion people (20%) of the world population are HSPs and represent various genders, races, and nationalities. We have so much enlightenment to share as we continue on this trajectory of repairing our broken country and our world.
It is the time to stay on the highway to success as we are currently on a roll. It is an exciting time; electrifying is what I would call it. I have come a long way since Mr. Man kicked me and my mom’s spirit around. I have forgiven my father for the most part. Thank you, Elaine Aron, for the bailout, I will take it from here. ☺
I am a highly sensitive person. I am a highly sensitive person of color. I am proud to be who I am and what I am, and I am looking forward because the future is now. Hopefully, we can one day say these words, “Free at Last, Free at Last, thank God almighty we’re free at last.” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. August 28, 1963
Will Harper
K. Wow. No words. Is it coincidental I’m here reading this on August 28th? No, this is the norm in my life, the coincidence aren’t mere coincidences. What a wonderful read, i can’t wait to explore your work further. Thank you, friend. I have so much to give and trying to discover how to take action and positively contribute to those in need, to spread the LOVE and do good work.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am in my 40’s and today I just figured out me. I’m sure there’s more work to be done and I have already ordered Dr. Aron’s book which I will read this weekend.
To feel not alone especially as a woman of color and to belong somewhere is huge. To know there are people who understand is such a relief.
I feel like I’m onto something. A way to help me really engage and make an impact in a way that is authentic to me.
Wow, today is such a good day…
Thank you so much for sharing. I am an HSP-POC. I can relate
We are all precious children of God. God bless and guide you.
I heard soo much self hate I got overwhelmed and couldn’t continue to read it . Smfh
I just found out I am HSP! From what I can tell so far, I am an extroverted Sensory Seeking HSP. I always thought I had to keep it a secret that I interpret my experiences through films and music. Words and tone carry so much more weight for me than most people and I always thought it was because I am the child of immigrants from the Caribbean.
I identify as mixed race, since all Caribbean people are mixed race and the Black Lives Matter movement has moved me in ways that I never expected. It physically hurts to be so scared of COVID to go outside and march!
I’m so grateful to Dr. Elaine Aron and to you for publishing this! I am struggling to find others like me in northern Virginia–too close to DC. I feel like half of my family consists of closeted HSP’s and I am now highly aware of the damage societal norms pose on HSP’s, especially when it comes to gender roles, LGBTQ issues, mental health, racism, homelessness, etc., etc., etc., etc.
Please keep doing what you do. I wish I could contribute to raising awareness too.
Dear HSP community, Mr. Harper, and Dr. Aron,
Will Harper’s words are such a beautiful thing to witness right now in this moment of world pandemic, police brutality in the USA, election coming up, etc etc etc.
I just found out about this trait, and am starting to really identify with it. It seems like its a missing puzzle peice in my life, but specifically in the context of being a POC right now in the “good ole USA.” Especially when you throw class and socio economic status into the mix.
One of my closest friends is a low-income, HSP of color… who has been struggling with house-lessness after being heavily impacted by the pandemic, and left displaced and unable to work.
Martin Luther King was fighting for a world where white supremacy and capitalism would come to their knees, so that there could be more peace for all folks, HSP, or not, POC, or not, wealthy or not.
I do not know how aware the HSP community is aware of the oppression that faces sex workers, especially women of color. I invite fellow HSPs who are interested, to learn more by reading the description of my friend’s GoFundMe page. https://gf.me/u/yjqyfs
I hope that those who read and have the resources, could also donate a few dollars to my dear friend.
Sincerely,
Lekha
Phew. Honestly, I do not wanna write a long winded comment or essay, so I’ll try make this brief. I’m a 21 year old black man and I’ve been searching for answers for a long time about why I am the way I am. (I know im only 21 which may be quite young in comparison to others) But growing up in London,England (an inner city environment harsh, unforgiving, prided on the lack of care and sensitivity) you MUST grow up fast & I always felt I had to conform to fit in. I struggle with other things (BPD&Bipolar) and this has just given me huge insight into my life the realisations were genuinely surreal, it was like I was standing in a dark room and someone switched on the light.. and it keeps on getting brighter, adjusting to my perfect ambience. There’s a whole lot more I could get into but I do not wish to divulge. So a massive massive thank you to you for speaking up as a black man and Dr.Aron ( she is genuinely one of my heroes now).
Finally! I am a 59 year old black man and martial arts teacher from a very tough area of New Jersey. I had all the love a kid could ask for as a child and for as long as I can remember, in spite of always being seen as an “alpha male”, no one could figure out why I would cry at the sight of a homeless person, or take the side of the most maligned person in the family no matter what they did. To this day, a student will do a good job sparring and half way through telling him how proud I am, the tears start flowing because I know the work he put in to get better. In relationships, I was always thinking I could have done more and took far longer than I should have to move on emotionally even when the person was not the best fit for me. I never thought I would see someone who actually did the research on people like me and write books that helped me feel normal and even embrace my personality. I say “better late than never”. I cannot thank the people involved enough for their work. God bless, Darryl Carman
I stumbled on this web site by chance. I can’t even remember what I was initially looking for. I’m a 76 year old white man. Married one time, two grown kids. Homosexual. I hate the term GAY. I don’t identify with it at all. But I am a proud and happy homosexual.
But for years told by others “You’re too sensitive.” “You can’t take a joke”. Oh, and a successful clinical social worker. But I’m glad to be done with that. Colleagues tended to simplify me as someone a simpleton who cared too much…and just couldn’t get it all together.
But after reading a number of comments to the effect that people wished they could care less, I’ve decided to take a second look at myself. Cause I’ve gotten really good at not caring. It doesn’t get you anything really, People want to just suck you dry and walk away not able to formulate what I just gave them.
But maybe I don’t have to not care. There may be another way through all this from what little I have read here. I am curious now.
Thanks
Dear ones, I have read Will´s article and your comments while crying. I feel that since we have the same inherited trait, humankind is only one big family. We are brothers and sisters and I love each one of you very deeply. We are in different colours and shape. We are art and beauty. The Martin Luther King dream will become a reality when God´s kingdom comes. https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/questions/what-is-gods-kingdom/
I have been taught to love everyone equally. I enjoy diversity and what everyone can offer. Thank you for that.
Love this post, Will — thank you for your transparency.
Now, how do I contribute to the Sensitive Men movie?
I’m sorry that one of the things that you deemed “unfortunate” about your father was that he was black. I get it being “unfortunate” that he was confused, but as a POC, it was deeply triggering to read your experience of him being black as part of what you found unfortunate.