Welcome to our revised hsperson.com website and new format for Comfort Zone as a blog. We hope it pleases you. The theme of this first post is stretching and changing, for sure. We all need to change when it is time, but HSPs generally do not like risks, and therefore do not like change. Even the high sensation seeking HSPs, who like something new and exciting to try out, probably quiver at making a permanent big change.
As for the website, it had been unchanged since the beginning of the internet. Marcia Norris, who set it up, did a great job or it would not have been flexible and functional for so long. But as we grow, we need more room for tabs and “drop downs.”
Stretched by a Film called “Sensitive”
Speaking of growing, as you can sense from my first email about the film, I am being stretched to the max, and in the process you will be to some degree as well. Most of you saw that first email asking for money for a “sizzle” to put up on Kickstarter for you to see and to show other potential donors. The filming of the sizzle is almost completed, thanks to some large donations from some of you (and many other generous offers of somewhat lesser amounts and of help). Much of what we did for that can be used for the movie, too. This is really happening.
When I said you will be stretched as well, of course we’ll be asking for donations. You will be helping to fund this film about all of us, if you decide to. And if the film happens, you’ll be seeing a real movie about HSPs, as will, we hope, millions of non-HSPs and HSPs who do not yet know they are. That means we will all grow—be stretched—in unexpected ways.
I had no idea how serious this was going to be. Will and Diana Harper are just my neighbors, right? If they do it all themselves, how Big Time could they be? But suddenly there was a crew, lots of lights, three cameras, and real directing. Will is a fine director and cinematographer with twenty-five years of experience. Will and Diana have made many films, and when I called their references just to check them out, the raves never stopped. One former CEO said the only problem with Will was that “He’s too nice.” Typical HSP. He’s also very artistic, of course, and I can’t wait to see what the sizzle and the final film will be like when he has edited all this footage and made a story from it. We discuss it as we go along, and I will give the final approval for the film itself, but the sizzle is going to be a surprise.
Hollywood Meets Highly Sensitive People and Horse
It’s been, well, shocking for me to be in front of these lights and cameras. It began Thursday July 3, out at the stables where I ride once a week. Will was coaching me on what to do and Diana interviewing me from off camera. Shari Dyer was behind the second camera. John, not sure of his last name, operated a camera attached to a tiny camera that could fly overhead and film looking down from above, making for impressive shots. (This is not your ordinary movie.) Larry assisted everyone. Besides it feeling odd, it has been challenging, thinking every word I say is so important. But they try to keep me loose. They are all HSPs, so they understand.
It’s been fun being part of the film, too. They must have known how to relax me, because the first day was entirely outdoors, most of it beside a horse. We began at the stable, where I ride Holly, a Rocky Mountain Trail Horse. (I don’t own Holly, but “sponsor” her—that is, pay a monthly fee to share her with her owner.) I answered questions about sensitive animals while standing beside Holly, a definite HSH, and compared her to another, non-HSH horse, Dancer. Next I led Holly around for some nice scenic shots.
Holly behaved like a seasoned actress until she realized that buzzing little white camera/helicopter was actually following us every place I led her. Then she pranced like an anxious racehorse. Mostly, however, she just stood and dozed while I was interviewed on camera, or she was fed carrots and petted by the crew. The real star. Until five o’clock, when the horses in the pastures are given their nightly allotment of hay. Suddenly, although we were a half mile from the stable, she started snorting and stamping her feet. It was dinner time! She was saying, “My Animal Actor’s Union contract says I must be brought home promptly for dinner! That means NOW.”
They also filmed me looking at the Golden Gate Bridge, and at a beautiful beach, in that glowing hour before sunset. We had plenty of laughs as we drove around, sharing stories about our sensitivity. Each of us is very different, yet we have that common experience.
Of course the film is not all about me standing on the beach looking nice. Will and Diana are interviewing all sorts of people—not only HSPs of all types, but researchers and those who are not HSPs but have experiences with them. The film is going in many directions, including an effort to make it multi-racial and multi-national. Fortunately, all the footage taken for the sizzle can be used in the larger film as well, so we have really begun that, too, with the hope that as we move forward it will continue to be funded by HSPs and their loved ones. It’s a gamble, but I am very excited about what a high quality movie might do for us.
Stretched Even More
As I write this, we are doing the paperwork to start a foundation, so that all donations can be tax deductible (retroactively—it takes months to get such a foundation set up). What excites me about the idea of a foundation is that it could also fund research. We could describe the next study that we think should be done, or a graduate student or post doctorate fellow who would like to do research on HSPs, and if we do not already have some money (hoped-for profits from the movie), then perhaps HSPs will want to support that research as well through crowd funding. Scientists are doing that more and more now.
Speaking of research, the brain study of HSPs and empathy that I described in the last mini-CZ email received quite a bit of media coverage after a press release was sent out by the State University of New York, Stony Brook, where the research was done. In particular, it was on the CBS evening news in New York City (millions watch it every night).
You might find it fun to see some of the other places where the story was covered.
- New York Daily News: Do Sad Movies Make You Cry? Blame Your Brain
- Laboratory Equipment: Empathy May Be Genetic
- Business Standard: Empathy may lie in your genes
- Daily Mail: Cry at films? Blame your genes: Scientists say 20% of people are affected by ‘sensory processing sensitivity’ that makes them more emotional
- Device Space: Sensitive? Emotional? Empathetic? It Could Be In Your Genes, Stony Brook University Study
- FARS News Agency: Sensitive? Empathetic? Could be in Your Genes
- IAfrica.com: Being Sensitive Could be in Your Genes
- International Business Times: Why Some People Are Genetically More Sensitive or Empathetic than Others
- Malaysian Digest.com: Do Sad Songs Make You Cry? Study Identifies Sensitivity in the Brain
- Medical News Today: ‘Sensitive people’ show heightened activity in empathy-related brain regions
- Medical Daily: Are You a Cry Baby? You May be Part of the 20% of the Population Affected by Sensory Processing Sensitivity
- Nature World News Empathy: Being a “Softy” Might be Genetic
- Science Alert: Some People Do Feel More than Others, and It’s All in Their Genes
- Science Daily: Sensitive? Emotional? Empathetic? It could be in your genes
- UK Newsday: Scientists say 20% of People Are ‘Highly Sensitive’ and Predisposed to Cry at Films
- Yahoo: Why Some People Are Genetically More Sensitive or Empathetic than Others
- Yahoo News (UK & Ireland): Why Some People Are Genetically More Sensitive or Empathetic than Others
- Yahoo News Singapore: Do sad songs make you cry? Study identifies sensitivity in the brain
- Yahoo Philippines News: Do Sad Songs Make You Cry? Study Identifies Sensitivity in the Brain
Another treat was to find that the journal in which it is being published, Brain and Behavior, chose a brain image from our study as its cover art. The caption is “Sensory processing sensitivity scores correlated with activation in multiple brain systems.”
I joke that these days, with all the emails and complicated plans, I am a civil servant in the HSP Empire. Even my husband feels that way, as he completes the methods and results section of our research paper on HS parents and turns to other HS research that has been stalled until summer because of his teaching and other research demands. Being a creative person, I would like to be working on entirely new subjects, or retire to a hermitage in the forest to meditate out my days. But I have “submitted to my fate,” as it were, and it is a sweet one, really. There’s a reason I was given this opportunity/responsibility, and when such things happen, it is wise to accept it rather than turn away. It’s just that it keeps stretching me.
More Stretches
I had a dream that I wrote about in the November 2012 Comfort Zone about taking the next step as HSPs, an authentic next step. You might enjoy reading it if you missed it at the time. However, we also can fear our next steps, and sometimes the psyche tells us why in a dream, even if it doesn’t say what to do about it. What to do about it is the task of our waking-state ego. (Remember, Joseph was warned in a dream about the coming famine, but not what to do about it.)
I had a dream after the first day filming that I told you about above, that brought up what I think might be my deeper fear of stretching, and it may be yours as well. The first part involved a huge flood, which I am sure symbolizes my fear of being overwhelmed. Although I enjoyed the filming, it is still highly stimulating. I know what to do about this, although as I write this today, I wonder. I am ridiculously busy, as there is so much like this blog to do, and even a little more filming tonight (being neighbors, Will can grab me any time for a little more footage). Only after that can I finish packing to leave tomorrow on a two-week rafting trip down the Grand Canyon. That’s another huge stretch, as I have always feared white water rafting, and another story. But I will meditate and do all those good things.
In the second part of the dream the Devil drove up in a huge green truck (green for envy—as a child I suffered due to another’s envy, so I fear it still). Then he levitated me gleefully as I protested. I’m think the appearance of the Devil refers to the Devil tempting Jesus when he was in the wilderness, a Bible story that always impressed me. Levitation is of course a sign of exalted spiritual development, attributed to saints and to the enlightened. This second part of the dream almost surely symbolizes my second fear, of “inflation,” of thinking I am a big deal—hey, even a movie star even. In the dream I don’t like what the Devil is doing—probably a good sign—but the fear is real.
I suppose I handle this fear by being hyper aware of it, thanks to my knowledge from social psychology on the effects of ranking, power, and influence on anyone who is looked up to by others for anything. When we HSPs become more “empowered,” as Jacquelyn Strickland likes to talk about, we are going to become leaders in various areas of life, or so I hope. But having been down so long, we may not know how to handle being “up.” Remember, it is not about ranking, but linking!
Stretching, change, next steps—they do not come without fears, at least for the highly sensitive. What are your fears?
Hello Elaine,
I discovered your book The Highly Sensitive Person, and while reading it I thought many times “How does she KNOW me so well!” I have grown so much in the past few months because of that book and the others you have written. I thank you from the bottom of my soul for all you do, as your work has helped me to understand what I am, and to start to embrace it, or to re-frame the past into something that works better, or is more positive. I wanted to say, after reading today’s newsletter, that I am a HSP/HSS person to the core, and while this offer scares me some, I want to help others as much as I can to come to know themselves and embrace the HSP they are, SO if I can ever help by being part of a study, being interviewed, filling out a test, or anything else really, PLEASE feel free to contact me. I have helped a few in my area to realize their HSP’ness, and I hope to start an HSP group to allow others to have a place to go and feel safe to be themselves. I really am here to help if you ever need it. Thank you for all you do, I can’t tell you how excited I am for the movie!!!
I like the new website. It is aesthetically pleasing. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your experience and strength because it gives me hope. I resonate with your CZ article on The Next Step, and I took some suggested steps that you indicated.
I think my fear is not reaching my goals in time to feel the love and gratitude you get from being the person that thought out of the box and addressed an important problem. Not so much a fear of not being first (that ship has sailed but) more a fear of all the hard work and dedication that I’ve put into something being rendered null and void. Who doesn’t enjoy being acknowledged for hard work. Congratulations on your most recent HSP developments! I’m excited to see the movie! And love the new website! I think I’m still advocating for you to add downloads as opposed to only vhs/dvd for many of your store offerings but it hasn’t kept me from reading/watching/listening more about being an HSP. I wish you continued success!
Maybe I should have added that this project I am working on is me stretching. ; )
Dear Elaine
Congratulations on your fabulous new website. I’m finding it to be so easy to navigate through and highly informative. I am so excited to read about your many new projects currently underway and freshly completed, including your highly anticipated new book, the film, the certification for therapists and the ongoing research by yourself and Art. THANK YOU for the enormous contribution you have made to our world and to my life. Kindest regards, Janine
Wow, this rebuit site, film production and research in the news stories are a like a bold, bright spotlight on our trait. It feels like an emergence! Exciting and meaningful. Thanks, Elaine, for being a guide to so many.
Hello Dr. Aron,
I just want to thank you for making the tremendous personal sacrifice in being the “civil servant” for us all. Most of us HSPs become very uncomfortable in the spotlight (I know I do!) but what you are doing is so important to so many of us, especially those who have not yet discovered that they are HSPs.
For myself, your book has been life-changing. The challenge now for me personally is convincing everyone I love that this trait is real and it is not a disorder or syndrome. Funny story, a close family member of mine with a laymen’s understanding of psychology is convinced I have Asperger’s syndrome based solely on the fact that I am introverted and enjoy topics such as history- but when I told her about Sensory Processing Sensitivity she just brushed it off as though not real because she hadn’t heard of it. I just laughed and did not take offense. So for me I feel this movie has the potential not only to increase awareness among HSPs but to help their loved ones, coworkers, and friends understand that while there are trade-offs this is not a disability but a trait can indeed be a sort of gentile strength that can help enact positive change in the world.
Thank you again, and please be sure to take care of yourself in this time of many changes,
Nikki
Hi Elaine,
Congratulations on your new blog! It will be interesting to see how things may stretch as a result of this format. That said, I am going to take this opportunity to express a thought I’ve had for some time now, in regard to a couple of common (yet often misdiagnosed or undiagnosed) health issues, and being HSP. I am going to keep this as short as possible…
First I should mention that I have identified myself as HSP upon reading your book when it first came out back in the 90’s…and with that declaration out of the way, next I will share that I seem to cross paths with HSP’s all the time (most have not heard of HSP), so much so, that I feel like it is somehow my duty to spread the word so that these people can reap the benefits of reading your book and learning more in general about being HSP, just like I did. Thank you!
Moving on………
I have a handful of very close friends who are all HSP’s…….and every one of them has hypothyroidism (diagnosed or undiagnosed) and/or adrenal fatigue/adrenal insufficiency (again, diagnosed or undiagnosed). Being HSP myself and also having both hypothyroidism and adrenal insufficiency, I can speak from personal experience, and also the experience of my close friends….and also from having crossed paths and shared stories briefly with many other HSP’s over the years.
I can say this: A fair number of symptoms of hypothyroidism and adrenal fatigue/adrenal insufficiency appear to overlap with “traits” of being HSP. With Adrenal fatigue/adrenal insufficiency for example, symptoms may include sensitivity to sounds, light, smells, chemicals, even being around people. Sound familiar? With that in mind, and having spent many years studying both what it means to be HSP and researching/studying hypothyroidism and adrenal fatigue/insufficiency, I cannot help but wonder……is there a link between being HSP and having less than optimal thyroid and/or adrenal function? I personally strongly suspect that there is a connection. But even assuming there is a connection, the question would remain…..which comes first? Would endocrine issues cause a person to be an HSP?…..due to less than optimal hormone levels and the symptoms (“traits”?) that this could cause?…..OR could being an HSP stress the endocrine system to the point of “disease”, resulting in less than optimal function and the resulting symptoms, some of which are very similar to traits of being an HSP. Regardless, one
thing is clear to me: If one is an HSP and also has the misfortune of having hypothyroidism and/or adrenal issues, it is a vicious circle.
All that said, I would love to see a study done on this! Elaine…do you know anyone who would be interested in stretching to pursue this?
Disclaimer: The above is all speculation and just my personal opinion.
Thank you Elaine for everything you do. Looking forward to the HSP movie! Can’t wait. 🙂
Very interesting Pam! I have also suffered with hypothyroidism and adrenal fatigue. I find my symptoms worsen when I am overwhelmed and have done a lot of things to make sure that when I begin to feel that way I take some time to myself.
Hypothyroidism worsens with stress, and I think that as HSPs we are more prone to stress because of the expectations of multitasking and busy-ness in our culture.
Things that have helped me cope as a self-employed artistic person:
Taking time for self-care and reminding myself that that is a part of my work day. (For me this includes yoga, journaling, and meditation).
Using my Bose noise-canceling headphones sometimes with white noise, sometimes without. (Well worth the cost!)
Being clear with others about when I need alone time. We are a house of HSPs but I do a lot of collaborative work and need to set limits – something I am sure Dr. Aron is finding out about with this exciting film process!
Loving the new blog look, and am interested to know if there are other HSPs with thyroid/adrenal issues.
Hi Lia!
Sorry to hear that you also suffer from Hypo and Adrenal issues. I empathize!
As you, I am a self-employed artistic person as well! I too have utilized noise cancelling headphones, as well as ear plugs, noise machines, playing nature sounds on the stereo, and other means of trying to mask unwanted noise and creating a more peaceful environment.
Unfortunately for me, my roommate now works at home too…and he is not very conscientious, is prone to bursts of anger about his job, and is just an intense kind of guy. He used to travel for work all the time and was rarely home before, so this has been a huge and unwelcome change….but I digress.
I am pretty sure that there is a link between thyroid/adrenal and HSP. I know/have come across so many HSP’s who have these issues, there just has to be a connection….and it just makes sense too.
Would love to see a study done on this!
Interesting discussion! Elaine had some interesting things to say about this in a newsletter article she wrote in 2012, and I thought it might be helpful: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/2May12.htm
Pam’s theory about hypothyroidism is interesting. I have been wondering if there is a connection between fibromyalgia and being an HSP. There does seem to be a connection between hypothyroidism and fibromyalgia so why not hypothyroidism and being an HSP? Perhaps our highly sensitive natures make us more vulnerable to the stresses that can lead to and exacerbate these conditions, which usually don’t appear until well into our adult lives. But our sensitivity is something we are born with. I have struggled with feeling different and “abnormal” somehow since my earliest memories and it’s only since reading The Highly Sensitive Person and becoming aware of the HSP trait (thank you so much, Elaine) that I have been learning to accept and embrace this part of myself. So what if I cry easily? So what if I don’t like loud and crowded parties? That is who I am and if others don’t understand … well, then the problem should be theirs, not mine. I’ve been more vocal about it lately and am discovering more acceptance and understanding among some non-HSP’s. It has also been rewarding to share my knowledge with other HSP’s who have then read the book and been grateful to find that they too are not alone.
Hi Elaine..I would think, in my experience, being a HSP came first. There were many years when although undiagnosed felt as if I had the symptoms of adrenal fatique, and tested myself for other things such as hypothyroidism etc..I even feared that I was getting Fibromyalgia like my mum! It as times was so horrendously exhausting, depressing and anxiety provoking, and motivation was mostly absent. I have had a stressful chaotic life which has been emotionally draining and all that with being a HSP led me to really falter..my usual spiritual practices and rest did nothing to help. We took on a house move and my daughter was struggling with anxiety and is a HSP..finally I broke and as I’m a nurse looked into everything and then a chance trial of a drug called Gabapentin, used for anxiety off label began to work wonders..it works on the nervous system, and somehow it settled my whole body..the relief was huge and in time my exhaustion went and I felt like my old self..still a HSP..I know also that the move to the country with the peace and completely different lifestyle helped in combination, but that drug kick started it. They prescribe Lyrica for Fibro and that is the same drug virtually. I have reduced the dose down slowly. Drugs are not our first choice but I was desperate and as I’m not a doctor couldn’t. Possibly say it would be right for you and you may have even tried it. I still stand by the fact your HSP and maybe your lifestyle, particularly if you’ve had emotional stress (most stress for HSP’s I think is emotional due to their empathic traits particularl) anyway Thought I’d share my experience, you just never know when it could help..pass on my regards to the other lady who has similar problems~blessings~Hayley
So sorry for calling you Elaine! I got confused as you said ‘Hi Elaine’
Hello from the netherlands, thanks for your books that helped me recognize that I’m a HSP. You are talking about Holly being a HSH, and shame shame I forgot that animals can also be highly sensitive.
My cat Carlito is a HSC, I saved him from an sylum 8 years ago, where he was very unhappy and not capable to be with a lot of other cats. Fortunately his caregiver recognised this and placed Carlito in a room for himself, but she could not find a good home for him. Untill a friend of mine pointed on him so I drove 200 kilometers to meet Carlito. At that time I could not express in words what it was but I recognized something in him from myself. The decision was made, I could offer him what he needed, a quit place, no other animals, no children, a garden and few incentives. It took 5 years untill Carlito felt really comfortable, but nowadays he is a lovely companion and very wise soul.
Dear Elaine
I first heard about HSPs more than ten years ago, and have read most of your books. On the self-test questionnaire I score 27 out of a possible 28, so I think I definitely qualify as an HSP. I want to thank you for all the work and education you do on our behalf! The idea that being an HSP did not mean there was anything ‘wrong’ with me was a relevation, and has helped me greatly.
I live in Melbourne, Australia, and am keen to link up with any HSPs, and any HSP therapists, in my area.
Good luck with the film;it sounds like a wonderful project.
Regards
Teresa
I discovered I was a HSP many years ago, and through studying, reading, practicing and then finally embracing this trait, I live a rich and fulfilling life. I do still have my ‘totalling ignoring my high sensitivity’ times, and this is where this site and all that Elaine has done is my salve. My 19 year old daughter (a HSP) has been very quick to embrace her trait, but has problems with anxiety at the moment, luckily she has linked with other young HSP’s online, which helps to nuture her trait. I don’t like to wonder how we both would be without Elaine’s work~my old therapist never stops thanking me for introducing her to the world of high sensitivity, as you may guess she and most of her clients are HSP…I believe with the work here there will be far less people needing therapy, or at least to lessen the time they are in it.I am a Mental Health Nurse and counsellor, but now 50 have moved to the country to a 300yr old house with large gardens, chickens and vegetable plot. I don’t practice at the moment and am loving my time being a true country bumpkin. I reiterate all the other posts and words really can’t say how thankful I am to be linked to you and this site, they really can’t.
Much Love ~ Hayley
Reading your comment made me wonder about city life vs. country life for us HSPs… When I was younger, in my 20s-30s, I loved living in a large city… There were times when I still needed to be alone – to take a breath.
However, now, in my mid 50s, I live in the “sticks” and I truly enjoy the QUIET and solitude! I do not even like to go to a nearby large city for just a shopping trip… I do however, as I love IKEA!!! 🙂
Just wondered who among us live in the city ? And how you cope with the noise? Traffic? Crowds?
Thanks to Elaine and you all !!! Nice to have a “name” for how I have felt for years – but just thought I was weird or too sensitive or nervous.
Congratulations on the new film and the blog! The new site is is visually pleasing and calming. Love the soft green! I continue growing in comfort with myself, exploring new ideas and gaining insights as an HSP, largely thanks to your books and articles. As I get older, I am fortunate to be able to slow dow enough to be AWARE of my needs. Generally, I raced through life, catching glimpses of deep connection and awareness. You have increased worldwide awareness of HSPs and that is a global stretch the world needs to be reminded of. ~ I am generally very fearful. For me fear has been masked by alot of scattered activity. I have learned to stop, acknowledge and feel fear in my body. Through mynwriting practice and meditation I know fear moves and changes. Befriending fear, with a willingness to be curious about it has been very helpful.
Dear Dr. Aron,
I’m sure you get this all the time but I’m still going to say it: you’ve changed our lives! We were blessed with a Highly Sensitive Child four and half years ago, and even though I myself am an HSP, I had no idea my child was an HSC. He always stood out, and not always in a good way, especially when he was much younger. We looked desperately for answered and for years we thought we were alone. We were accused of having ruined our son and eventually we started to believe it. Until I discovered your book. That’s when everything changed. We, as parents, have changed. Our HSC has grown into an incredible little boy. And all thanks to you and your helping us understand what we were dealing with and to nurture it.
Last October I started blogging about our experiences with our HSC (www.sensitiveandextraordinary.com) for two reasons: (1) to reach out to parents who are currently going through what we went through a few years ago and reassure them they are not alone, and (2) to help spread the word on High Sensitivity and let parents, teachers, caregivers, HSPs and non-HSPs what being Highly Sensitive is all about. I want to the world to see that this is an extraordinary thing, even if it may not seem so sometimes.
And thanks to you (and to my HSC who was my inspiration), I am also working on a series of children’s books that are written and illustrated with the HSC in mind. I hope that these books will touch HSCs everywhere and help them thrive in a world that can be insensitive at times.
So Dr. Aron, thank you, thank you, thank you!
I can’t wait for this movie to come out!
Leila Boukarim
http://www.sensitiveandextraordinary.com
Thanks for sharing Leila! I am not a parent, but as a child (and I’m sure this is the experience of many HSCs) there was a lot of speculation about what was causing all my anxiety. I had one teacher who believed I was ADD (I had trouble concentrating in class. In retrospect I know it was more likely because of the noise of the other students.) My parents for a time thought perhaps I had social anxiety disorder because one of my friends who had similar problems as me was diagnosed with the disorder at 9 years old (I personally beleive this friend was an HSC and that may be why we bonded). Anyway, I’m really happy to see that parents such as you are listening to their children rather than focusing on labeling the child as having a disorder. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of disorders need to be addressed, but it has a potential to deeply affect children’s psyches when the implication is made that something is disfunctional about them. That’s one reason I really love the approach to High Sensativity- instead of being a condition, it’s a trait with draw-backs and advantages 🙂 Anyway, parents like you give us hope for the future. Best of luck to you and your family.
Nikki, your message brought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much for your kind words. I was also an HSC growing up and it was really rough. And now being the mother of an HSC, I can see how bringing one up can be such a delicate process. The good thing is when you finally understand that your child is Highly Sensitive, it becomes much easier to filter out the negatives and focus on the wonderful positives. Before Dr. Aron’s book, we thought it could be anything, and mind you, only because other people were throwing labels at us. We knew our son was different, but that was it. We didn’t think more of it. But when you are exposed to opinions and advice and labels and blame every single day, it starts to get to you.
The biggest challenge now is getting through to teachers who just don’t get it. “He should be able to do this at his age” they say, completely disregarding all the wonderful things he CAN do that most other kids can’t at this age. It’s really sad. It just makes growing up that much harder. Our little HSC’s have to go through so much already, and when they have to do it in a world where most people don’t understand, it can be quite damaging.
I’m really looking forward to this movie. If anything I just want the “you’re crazy” looks from teachers to stop when I explain to them that this is actually a “thing”!
I know you’re not a mom, but I wanted to share a post I wrote some time back about labels and society’s rigid standards, in case you’re interested (http://www.sensitiveandextraordinary.com/we-know-our-children-best/).
Thanks so much again Nikki. You made me day!
Hi Leila,
I’m so happy I helped make your day! Knowing that makes my day! Thanks for sharing your blog post. It was lovely and I enjoyed it very much! I do agree that so many teachers and professionals (most with good intentions of course) are so quick to diagnose the latest label everyone is buzzing about onto kids that we miss the point that children are different and beautiful beings that are still discovering who they are on this planet. Kids have a lot of novel feelings they can’t identify or describe— often I wonder how can we know what’s going on with them if they don’t always have the language or self-understanding yet to describe how they’re feeling to us. I worried when I first heard of “Highly Sensative People” that it would end up being another label like the ones it was suggested I was when I was a kid. But when I read the title of the intro “a celebration” I was happily shocked. It was like a breath of fresh air to finally reframe my life story from flawed to beutifully different.
It’s difficult trying to even describe being an HSP to non-HSPs, because if you’ve never experienced how overwhelming it can be just being in an emotionally charged crowd of people (my experience with kindergarden comes to my mind) or if you’ve never experienced the feeling of being moved to tears simply by the beauty of the ocean or the colors in the center of a small flower, the concept seems so foriegn. And on top of that, add in cultural gender expectations into the mix, you’ve got a big potential for social stigmatism.
Sometimes, I put it in terms like this for Non-HSPs, “Has there been a time when you experience the breaking point of too much going on in your life that you are emotionally and intellectually drained? Ok, now imagine that happening just from being at a large noisey party for four hours or taking a particularly daunting quiz, ect.. That’s what happens with HSC/HSPs” It doesn’t always work, but it can be a start 🙂 Anyway, hopefully your child’s teachers will gain some understanding, and I hope this film will help with that.
Have a great day!
Hello Dr. Elaine.
I didn’t have the opportunity to read your entire book, yet, but for what I’ve searched about it, I automatically know I am HSP. And I’m proud of it. Finally I understand myself! I live in Portugal and only knew about your researches and book this year… Sadly, here in Portugal, I can’t find a translated copy (not even used ones). Or even an institution ready to deal with HSP persons. Anyway, I know that when I read it, it’s going to be a life changer. I’ve been for so long thinking I wasn’t from this world… and at the same time I couldn’d find anything wrong with my thoughts. Most of the comments i’ve read here trully translate my feelings so, without disrespect, I’d like to copy all the greetings on the new HSP site and “thank you’s” for all your effort and your husband and friends as well. You deserve them all. Regarding the movie, i’m only affraid that it won’t be well accepted on general non-HSP’s population because we live in a society that premiers agressive people. And for my experience, society does not deal well when confronted with a truth that they just don’t understand. Sensitivity is a sign of weakness for most people and we know it isn’t. Nowadays if we are not ready to “kill” our neighbours we are wimps. It’s really sad… Anyway, I’m sure you won’t let my fears get in the way of your project. I really want to see the movie. It’s just that i’m seeing a lot of excitement about the movie but i still think it’s going to take a while to general population to understand it’s true meaning.
P.S. – please forgive my english.
Hello Elaine… Thank you for all your efforts to educate HSP and non HSP people. I too, have always felt something was wrong with me. I was raised in a very large family and I suspect my mother beat me so much because I am HSP and she wasn’t. I , today, have a terrible self esteem, and feel that I annoy people with my personality traits, and constantly misunderstood. I have never had a real career, and have struggled with employment and just day to day survival my entire life. Your book helped me to realize I was not a bad person and that I should be proud of who I am. I have too much empathy, and feel this was not channelled in the right way. Both my daughters, 12 and 14 are too highly sensitive in their own ways, very creative and struggle with school. I am doing my best to try and give them coping skills for life.
I am looking forward to this film, as I have told my older daughters’ teachers that she is highly sensitive. They all looked at me like I was crazy, except for the English teacher. She is very smart and was failing all subjects, even the ones she loved, art. She managed to pass, but i am worried about her future in high school.
Regards, Mary Fisher
Sayville, NY
With the warmest of appreciation, Elaine
Your work has changed my life…. I am no longer “alone” in the world. It re-connected me with myself and opened the door to re-connect with my husband. You gave our community/family of HSP’s a language, we can now communicate with the rest of the world. I have two sons, and with the self-knowledge I have now….there is hope for an easier life for them and fellow hsp’s to come.
Blessings for your continued work and you are a GIFT to us all.
My big thanks to Elaine, and I really love reading everyone’s comments!
For those who have asked about how high sensitivity and fibromalgia, as well as other illnesses, are related, you might be interested in her 2012 Comfort Zone article here: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/2May12.htm
I am not a physician or anyone who can professionally advise anyone on health matters. However, I am a Highly Sensitive Person. On this blog, I read comments about over stimulation of the adrenals. I am fortunate to have found a product for adrenal health. It may even help a group of people who are making a film named Sensitive. Gaia Herbs has a wonderful product named Adrenal Health. The recommended dosage is two capsules two times daily. I am not excited about shopping. I find it very stressful due to the many wonders of being a Highly Sensitive Person. All I need is one adrenal support capsule and I am good for a few hours including taking care of multiple errands, All that compared to twenty minutes of shopping without the adrenal support. It is a true blessing for sure.
I’m glad to hear the film will have some actual quality control (final say by an HSP) rather than just being some film-maker’s toy to play with. My concern would be that non-HSPs would try to take too much control and turn the project into something sensationalistic and inaccurate, in the typical Hollywood manner.
As for change and ‘stretching’, I have been going through a period of massive growth over the past year. It has been making me very uncomfortable, yet so much happier and healthier (both mentally and physically), and is moving me towards my goal of living in a foreign country. It will be an exhausting and nerve-wracking step to take to pack up and move overseas, but also ridiculously exciting and fulfilling (I’m also HSS, besides being a HSP). I sometimes wish I could just get up and leave with nothing but a suitcase, the way some non-HSPs are able to do, but I’ve got to plan everything down to the tiniest detail to feel confident and secure about such a major life decision. Hopefully that means my venture will be a successful one!
I think my biggest fears about change are to do with losing security. If I change A, B, and C about myself and my life, will the D, E, and F that I enjoy survive the upheaval? Being able to maintain a lifestyle that allows me to care for my health, first and foremost, is my main worry in regard to change, because I’ve had some serious stress-related physical health problems, so any alteration in my lifestyle could cause my health to falter again.
All-in-all, though, I’m getting lots of positive reinforcement in response to the changes I’m gradually introducing, in the form of little “nudges” from the universe that seem to say, “Great job! You’re doing well and heading in the direction you’re meant to. Now, go ahead and take a few more baby steps”. Change is not so scary when I feel that the universe has my back!
Dear Dr. Aron,
I just wanted to thank you for your work and all your efforts concerning the findings of detailed scientific information on High Sensitivity.
For more than six years I have been running a center of excellence for high sensitive people under the name “Aurum Cordis” in Northern Germany.
We try to establish an expert association consisting of doctors, psychologists and coaches who are HSPs themselves and use this kind of giftedness as the essential part of their work which becomes extremely important to families with high sensitive children.
Especially for those experts as well as all the parents who try to free their children from being considered being mentally or emotionally “ill” the last study is more than important.
In the name of all our friends and clients I deeply thank you for your work and strong engagement in the subject of “High Sensitivity”.
Kind Regards,
Aurum Cordis
Jutta Boettcher
What a wonderful thing you’re doing! I will have my husband take me through your site since he’s German. How wonderful it is for HSP’s in Germany to have access to a place like this. Thank you for sharing that.
(I love the anti spam words on this site! They’re all so, well, sensitive!)
Leila Boukarim
http://www.sensitiveandextraordinary.com
Elaine, thank you for being willing to stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone in order to help so many of us. My life changed forever on the day I found your book, about 15 years ago. Everything I had suffered in my first four decades suddenly made sense. The dynamics of my relationships became clearer too. I started standing up for my needs and explaining high sensitivity whenever I got the opportunity.
Knowing this about myself has allowed me to identify others like me, and to form some of the most amazing and meaningful friendships of my life. I have sadness for all the “wasted” years before I learned about HSPs, and for how my self-confidence and self-esteem took such beatings as I tried to cope in our loud and busy, busy, busy world. But I am stronger now and I know that I have much to contribute to the world (whether the world knows it yet or not).
I cannot wait to see this film. Please continue to take care of your needs so you can be your best self throughout the process. We’re all here cheering you on!
Loved your comment. Simply perfect!
bonjour,
Je suis HSPs, en France.
béatrice
hamannbeatrice@gmail.com
Dear Elaine and Readers,
First of all “thank you.” Putting a name and official temperament to my personality has been an incredible asset in understanding myself, and then accepting myself. I am an African-American female, who is now 63. My first contact with Elaine Aron was on-line, reading about the Comfort Zone Newsletter for HSP’s, and finding it because I was immersed in anything that had to do with highly sensitive people and had begun to find more and more information about the temperament. I submitted a letter entitled, “The Pain of Knowing,” which spoke of my advanced intuitive nature and handling racially biased situations, people, and life in general. The “pain” was that I could not deny what I felt and knew – and so many other people simply thought I was just plain sensitive to everything, but they didn’t, no couldn’t, understand the depth and complexity of being highly sensitive and a member of a group of people who have had their share of pain and sadness due to their race. Of course, other ethnic groups have suffered also, but somehow the Black American still seems to have trouble in overcoming the stigmatism, pitfalls, etc. In any case though I wrote about my feelings, my letter was printed in the Comfort Zone Newsletter, and a HSP from Northern California e-mailed me back. We quickly became friends and after a few years I actually visited her for seven days and stayed at her home in Shasta Lake, California. I lived in New York so it was my first long distance flying experience, and I had a wonderful time. Our friendship lasted many years – but my inability to accept a part of her personality made it difficult for me to continue the friendship in the same way. I had grown enough with her help, and my own investment in understanding myself that although the parting of our ways was inevitable, I was able to handle it and from time to time I find myself e-mailing her and saying “hello, etc.” Understanding what being a HSP has enhanced my life. I feel somewhat special, as if I have a special knowledge about some things that others do not have. Sometimes that can hurt – but for the most part, if used intelligently, you are almost protected from “not getting” things. We “get” them – and then some! Learning how to use the knowledge is the only challenge. When my friend and I parted our ways I felt very alone – because I don’t have a lot of HSP friends. But, I realized that understanding myself, and understanding my friend made it possible for us to move on. Some friends are for a reason…some for a season….etc. So, thank you Dr. Aron, thank you my friend, and thank you readers for making our temperaments acceptable, worthy and respected. I am so grateful to have this trait. It has protected me more times than not and been a source of accepting what I had so much difficulty in understanding before. I am indeed in your debt.
Anita Marie Colbert
Thank you for sharing Anita! Your story was really touching for me to read 🙂
Loving the new site.
I read the HSP Book in 2009 right after a disastrous cruise holiday with five non-HSP’s who I didn’t know very well. As I read the book big floods of relief flooded though my body, I felt so validated. My partner (who was my relatively new boyfriend at the time) also read the book. He wished he had read it before the cruise so he understood me better, he couldn’t understand why I acted the way I did, he had never seen me so over stimulated before. He said I was spaced out, rude as I took time outs often, and generally distant the whole trip.
Thank you Elaine Aaron, because of your book I don’t feel like such a freak anymore. I also find as Nikki said, that having other people accept that this is very real for me and not some kind of moaning minnie syndrome is my biggest problem. I have to be confident in my requests for downtime, and when I decline trips or outings that I know I won’t be able to keep up with and stay present for. I know I still get the rolling eyes look from some people, especially my family, and it hurts every time. Thank goodness I know myself better now, and can stick to my guns and look after myself.
I realize I didn’t answer the ‘What are your fears’ question:
Mostly it’s that I can’t keep up with others, I notice it when I go to group events.
I lived a alone and worked for myself for many years, so my sensitivity was manageable. 5 years ago I stretched myself to be with a wonderful man, a man who is about as opposite to HSP as you can imagine. This relationship and all that goes with it, significant age difference, regular travel, an extended family and a religion I am not used to, has stretched me beyond belief and continues to do so. It’s not as uncomfortable for me now as it used to be, my partner understands that I can’t go at his pace, and I know my limitations better.
I don’t think I would understand my sensitivity as well as I do if I can stayed within my comfort zone.
Love the new site, it looks great!
Dear Elaine….
I remember 15 years ago when we were both contemplating the vision of the HSP Gathering Retreats! I remember my total fear and overstimulation at that first Gathering back in May 2001. I know how anxiety and fear can show up again and again each time I embark on the next HSP Gathering. Now here you are — our “reluctant leader” –on the brink of yet another life changing opportunity for we HSPs – a documentary which will hopefully clear up the many misconceptions about our genetic trait of high sensitivity. Just know, myself, and millions of others are behind you — all the way!
And, yes, I think fear and reluctance are a natural part of our growth and development. This growth and development journey asks each of us to understand the factual information about our HSP trait and to develop a strong sense of SELF. Then, as you have shared before, our task is to Re-Frame Our Past; then Heal from Past Wounds. Finally, we get better at knowing when and how to be out in the world.
What happens then? In my personal and professional life I have found that then — and only then — we HSPs are being asked to step up to our “higher calling.” As you have said, we HSPs are “numinous.” I love that word, yet it requires such courage on our behalf to live up to it, yet as we know, HSP communities around the world are helping individual HSPs gain thus knowledge, courage and strength.
One of the characteristics of what I have come to call an “Empowered HSP” is to:
Respect and honor our inevitable emotional reactions to disturbing events AND take necessary steps to ACT vs react to these events. We then become role models for authentic concern for others and world . This is not an easy journey for the HSP … but then neither is staying small and in a reactive state.
It seems like many of us are being called to “show up, step up, speak up” and let our innate wisdom guide us toward making a difference in our individual worlds — i.e. the modern day Priestly Advisors !! You., my friend and colleague, are doing just that. I and millions of others are grateful and humbled to be linking with you !
Onward !
with love and gratitude,
Jacquelyn
Reply
Dear Elaine,
I have read that you will come in 2015 to Central Europe – do you already know which city you will visit?
Thanks, Julia
Dear Elaine,
Can ADHD genes impart somebody with the HSP + HSS trait? Or is ADHD and HSP neurobiologically unrelated and separate?
Just watched the “Sensitive” sizzle. Congratulations on this big stretch–bravo and thank you for stretching on behalf of so many and our greater world!! Am an HSP but not very high on the spectrum, so maybe have a foot in both worlds, so to speak. Thought the music was all wrong–too tragic, conveying a sense of hopelessness and victimhood–will this be the tone of the movie? (I didn’t end up thinking so, after watching the whole sizzle.) I feel it should be more hopeful and maybe even a little triumphant–this is our big coming out party and we want to attract non-HSP’s, peak their curiosity and inform them of the potential good we can unleash in our world if we are better understood and allowed to have more power, in addition to helping HSP’s recognize themselves and thus become empowered, not join a doomed group, as the music conveys.
Constructive criticism on the “sizzle” for Sensitive:
Though I understand audiences relate to a human story about “1 individual’s amazing discovery”, I honestly think that weakens the concept of HSPs in non-HPSs’ minds because it emphasizes the scope of your own research rather than its relevance to a much broader body it helped to spark. Though it is true that the uninformed may be more impressed by lionizing particular figures, I think that overall does HSPs a disservice by reinforcing non-HSPs’ own impressions over the scientific facts.
Please consider the subtitle “A Breakthrough” rather than “The Untold Story”, to focus on what we now understand rather than framing it in the past of a journey already taken by others.
Elaine,
I love the idea of the documentary! Unfortunately, the sizzle reel does not send the message we want to send, in my opinion. Despite the encouraging testimonials, the music is dark and heavy and the overly dramatic announcer sounds like he’s narrating a documentary on people with some sort of fatal disease. I don’t feel comfortable sharing the Kickstarter link with my friends and family because they already think I’m weird enough! I’m not expecting a comedy film or anything, but as it now stands it sounds like we’re irredeemably flawed, which I know you do not believe at all! We’re misunderstood, but not doomed to lifelong misery…
I know it’s just a sizzle so there’s still a chance the documentary is not going to be made in the same tone…but I’d still feel comfortable if you could confirm this with us.
Dear Elaine,
Today while at work I stumbled across your website. After clicking on link after link I arrived at your page. I was, and still am, speechless. Since I was a child I have been so overly “dramatic,” as some would put it. My mother would just tell me I’m over sensitive, just like her. After having explored your website articles, blog posts, etc. I feel like a wave of relief (almost) has washed over me. I thought I was the only one to feel this intense feeling of everything. Day after day I over think, over analyze. People constantly tell me that I should, “Stop taking things so personal,” and that most of the time I misinterpret everything people do. Reading your blog post and some of the articles made me feel normal and not alone. I just subscribed to the mailing list. I am excited to keep up with your research.
I am one of these people. Whenever I hear or think about something particularly heinous, the left side of my face tingles. I remember as a child (hearing something on the news and saying “That makes my face buzz.” I’m almost 60 and it still happens. My sister works for a neurologist and he said he can’t explain it. I’m wondering if anyone else has this phenomenon. Thanks.
I find the ‘easy cryer’ tag almost always attached to HSPs very annoying. I’m not, and I don’t think it’s the most salient characteristic of an HSP. I think the ‘thinks deeply’ and ’empathetic’ and ‘sees patterns and connections’ all far more useful and indicative. It would’ve good if the media could move away from the crying thing.
I was diagnosed last year with hypothyroidism, I have hashimoto’s disease. I’ve had a lot of physical symptoms for a few years now but I can say that it have been HSP since I was born. I’m not sure what the connection is, but there certainly seems to be one..
Important points in this article that we should be aware of as to why you should give time on stretching. This would somehow be helpful. Thanks for notching this great article.