With this movie, Sensitive, The Untold Story, the story is going to be told. We HSPs will become much more visible. Of course, thank goodness, your sensitivity can remain invisible when you choose it to be. Remember I did a post about being invisible? https://hsperson.com/invisible-yet-definitive-part-of-yourself/. The comments on that are interesting, too, and some of you are wishing to stand up and speak up for sensitivity, especially for HS children, even calling it a “movement.”
However, as you know, high sensitivity (HS) is a baffling subject for others. HS is largely a physically invisible characteristic, like intelligence, wealth, having certain illnesses, or having experienced a recent loss. But if you have one of these characteristics, most people understand it immediately once you mention it. Explaining sensitivity is much more difficult, isn’t it? I hope this movie makes it much easier.
However, becoming more visible is going to lead to all sorts of consequences, some of them difficult still to imagine. But one that troubles me a great deal is that we are describing two groups of people, ourselves and the others. I want to help us all avoid some problems that may arise if we’re not careful.
First, I encourage you to try to eliminate the term non-sensitive or non-highly sensitive from our (mine, too!) vocabulary. I think we can say non-HSP to those who do not find “HSP” annoying in-group jargon. Or you can say those “without the trait” or the “other 80%.” Or maybe you have a better idea.
The reason for this is that human beings have a very hard time thinking of two groups or of any two things as equal. North and South, East and West, dog and cat, salt-and-pepper, up and down, right and left, London and Paris – almost immediately we each have a subtle feeling of which is our favorite. Evolution has probably trained us to judge quickly between two things.
In particular, human beings make judgments about their group, the “in”-group, and about all other groups, the “out”-groups. Of course we usually favor our group, especially when the outgroup is a minority. This is a serious problem that is found in most social animals. For example, chimpanzees have been observed to engage in deadly warfare with other chimp troops, no doubt to take over their territory when they can outnumber them, or to defend themselves when they think they are threatened. We certainly know about humans resorting to violence in both cases. As soon as we humans notice a difference, whether it’s who’s in your family or tribe, or who has a different language or skin color, there’s a judgment of who’s better and of potential threat.
In fact, in social psychology there is a phenomenon called the minimal group, in which, if you have people just count off 1-2-1-2 and have the 1st go to one corner of the room and the 2nd to another, very quickly on that basis alone each group feels superior in subtle ways to the other.
One Way We Might Be Now In the Outer World
Of course there all kinds of human instincts that are problems and that we humans are trying to overcome, such as greed, misusing power, conforming to others’ evil behavior when we should resist it, and resorting to violence when there is a conflict. We will have to overcome this out-of-date in-group-out-group prejudicial instinct as well, and I am hoping you as HSPs can take this opportunity to lead in this regard.
If someone, after watching the movie, brings up the issue of whether you now think you are superior, or simply implies it, perhaps now feeling inferior, you need to say, “No, not at all superior. That is not true, just as it is not true that we are inferior, the point of the movie. We want to be seen as equals working in teamwork with other people with other characteristics and temperament traits. There are many ways that we humans (and animals) differ, you know. Diversity is a blessing that should be embraced without prejudice towards any group.” Something like that.
What We Might Be Able to Do By Being More Inside
I know for myself at least, as this movie takes me more out, I need and want to counter it with more being inside. For me that means more meditation, which for me is Transcendental Meditation. There is plenty of science to show that it provides a dramatically deep state of rest, allowing the brain and body to repair itself and reduce numerous problems, from heart disease and diabetes to anxiety and depression, and perhaps most impressive are the many studies showing its particularly powerful effects on generating personal growth http://www.thehartcenter.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Meditation-Metta-Analysis-American-Psychologist-.pdf
As you know, I like scientific evidence, and I also like groping around in the spiritual area. Here’s proof:
https://hsperson.com/hsps-meditation-and-enlightenment-part-i/
https://hsperson.com/hsps-meditation-and-enlightenment-part-ii/
Also https://hsperson.com/hsps-meditation-and-enlightenment/
https://hsperson.com/some-new-thoughts-to-add-to-last-issues-discussion-of-enlightenment/
Yet I also feel uncomfortable with seeming to promote a particular spiritual path, or at least ambivalent about it. I want you to know there are choices, then for you to make yours.
But I want to risk talking about something more subtle regarding the inner world, for which I feel there is also good evidence. In most traditions it is recognized that when even a minority are deep in meditation, it affects their environment in positive ways. The same thing is said about Transcendental Meditation, as well as some other techniques. How could that be, in terms of physical causation? Studies provide rather convincing evidence that crime rate, for example, drops when and where people meditate. http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1989-28007-001 How does that happen? Does something invisible move through the air?
Some scientists think they do know the physical facts behind it–a good 7-min video of a very personable one: https://youtu.be/xjNjxDtLOjk . But other scientists are still in doubt. I say, do we absolutely have to know yet? In statistics there are two kinds of errors. One is of accepting a hypothesis as true when it is actually not true. We all dread that. It means we’ve fooled ourselves in some way and are acting on the basis of untruth. But the other potential error is rejecting a hypothesis when it is actually true, and thus rejecting the potential usefulness of a real phenomenon. Well, if meditation is good for us personally, and of course if we are functioning better that’s good at least for the people we directly interact with, we don’t have to worry about whether it also affects others even beyond that. And yet it would be nice to think that it did.
A Sufi Perspective
Recently I read an article by Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee in Parabola (Fall, 2015, pp. 36-43). Vaughan Lee, who is a teacher in a Sufi lineage, expressed very well what I want to say. He begins by speaking, as have many, of the reality and the personal experience of both this outer world and many levels of an inner world, including a level of no thoughts, no emotions, no perceptions – simply pure consciousness, as also described in the video above. Many mystics have described this, as a darkness that is full of light, a fullness of emptiness, a nothingness that contains everything but before it has become particular things.
Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee is very concerned about the rapid destruction of Earth’s ecosystem, as I am. And like myself, he thinks that more experiences of this very deep “nothingness” or pure consciousness can have a real effect on this huge problem. This does not mean that people should do nothing else but go deep inside, but it might mean that this should also be done, especially by HSPs, who may be especially drawn to and able to be effective with this approach to helping our planet, which is so special and changing so fast.
Vaughan-Lee puts it this way: “Life needs the freedom that belongs to nothingness, to what is not yet defined…” He wants us to try allowing “nothingness to benefit humanity – to give humanity breathing space… Grace needs this space. And the whole of life needs what can be given only through grace.” To him, in the space between nothingness and this material world there are many other levels of reality, but this space has been collapsing due to the increasing focus on the material world as the only reality. I have to say that some, not all, scientists have contributed to this collapse a great deal, by their almost religious belief in the falseness of religions and spirituality!
Can We Stop the Collapse?
In the Central Valley of California, because of the drought, agricultural interests have been pumping groundwater out of the water table as fast as they can by drilling wells still deeper than their neighbors’. (As one person put it, it’s like four-year olds with straws, all hoping to out suck each other from the same milkshake.) The layers of sand and water, where the water is found, are between layers of hard clay. Without the water, the layers collapse into clay and a thin layer of waterless sand. When rain does come, water cannot penetrate so much clay and does not store up underground any more. Since the 1920’s the ground has subsided as much as 30 feet in some places and with more drilling, two more inches from 2008 to 2010, indicating extensive collapse from pumping out groundwater. Now some scientists are trying to pump water back in to those layers of sand still having some water, before they all collapse and there is simply no more water available from underground.
Thinking in terms of Vaughan-Lee’s metaphor, one can envision a similar collapse of layers within us. Somehow I believe that HSPs have the power to avert that collapse by learning to penetrate and move within those spaces. In Vaughan-Lee’s article, he does not really teach how to do this, although all of the elements are there. For example, this is not a matter of will so much as a skill in attentive letting go, of staying conscious, but of being conscious of nothing, or close to nothing, not even focused on breath or passing thoughts (not that those methods do not have clear value). This is exactly the end state in Transcendental Meditation, Christian Centering Prayer, and probably a method taught by Vaughan-Lee that is not in the article. I will not try to describe it more here. Some of you will understand and I hope the rest of you will come to. It isn’t really that difficult. It’s a matter of experience.
Vaughan-Lee makes the lovely point that sometimes the doors between inner and outer swing open for someone, and if we are attentive this can be a period of great personal transformation. He also thinks this is true of the collective, that sometimes, if we as a species are attentive, we have the opportunity to witness enormous change in humankind, for good or ill. He sees the rapid change today as such an opportunity for transformation, and requires our full attention—in nothingness. “With one foot in nothingness, with one ear attuned to silence, we are infinitely watchful and undisturbed…[you can be] a fulcrum between these dimensions, a dynamic gateway between being and non-being.”
Well, I hope my fellow scientists in particular will not reject me for my description of other dimensions, based on the experience and research of some very intelligent people, but not yet fully understood. I know it has become, to scientists, a trite analogy, but quantum physics is another example of layers of reality and multiple dimensions that we cannot see or easily study, but that we have come to trust as realities.
I love this article, Elaine! I love the metaphor of the collapse of layers within us. When I practice Transcendental Meditation, I often feel a sense of creation and destruction at the same time. It’s almost like a collapse and a build-up all at once. I’m not sure I’m doing it any justice by trying to find the right words for it, but during TM, I’m conscious of nothing and also everything simultaneously. Hmmm… Ok, I think I’m going to stop trying to describe it, it’s indescribable really. As you explain, it’s something to be experienced. For HSP’s, perhaps it’s easier to experience because of our natural openness to the inner world. Thank you so much for your vulnerability in expressing yourself in this article, despite what your fellow scientists might think of you!
I’m just going to tell people that I’m “special”. I think that’ll cover it. I’m not worried about labels. Really who cares? I think you’re getting worried about a non-issue. Of course I’m old and don’t care much what people think anymore, because it really doesn’t matter in the big picture of life. They can get over themselves. If I’ve got a health issue and they feel left out they can go ahead and look for something of their own to have. More power to them (I told you I was old).
LOL I agree. As an HSP, I can personally attest to spending much of my years being treated with disdain, disrespect and disregard by some others, all because I didn’t quite “fit” with what they thought that I should be. Discovering that I am HSP makes me feel less alone in the world and like I am in unique & gifted company. I’m sorry if that makes some “jerky” type people uncomfortable (sarcasm). Any real person would not be offended by our HSP-ness.
I love the concept of creating space between the material world and “nothingness.” I, too, have read studies about the shift in crime as well as a shift in personal anger when a large group meditates together. I think Gregg Braden spoke about such an occurrence when he was speaking at a Heart Institute Conference.
Identifying as an HSP, I am now coaching women who are HSPs because I think we are needed now more than ever. Our ability to stand tall and express our consciousness, our love of the earth, our love of the animals and all those who can’t speak for themselves will help the world ascend to a new plane of existence. To me its a matter of survival for us all.
The concept of HSP is new for me, though I have always been sensitive to sounds, sights, smells, textures. The concept is helpful for my own self-understanding, not to be put in a category, but to see the reasonable pattern of responses and know it is not simply weird or quirky. I especially appreciate Sheryl Turgeon’s mention about our consciousness and love of the earth, the animals and those who cannot speak for themselves. As a retired Speech-language Pathologist, I find that I keep wanting to write and advocate for those whose “voice” is overlooked. Perhaps I need to pay attention to this calling, and be an advocate.
I love to meditate too. When I let go and stay conscious of the eteranal cousciousnes in myself just as my own consciousness in the eternal consciousness I find the innermost layer of being. And then the “not yet defined” as you write, suddenly becomes very clear.
Thanks to that instinct I get rejected and ignored by people every time and then I feel lonely. Of course, it’s not only an HSP thing about me that makes them want to reject me. There are many things… Even the lucky happy and socialy intelligent highly sensitive people may avoid me sometimes. After all, we can be different in many ways, people are never the same completely. Loneliness makes me more depressed and that disgusts people even more. It’s a never ending circle. Psychotherapy doesn’t do much in my case. Today I can convince myself there’s nothing to worry about, tomorrow there it comes again… I feel like only God can help me or/and a supportive person who will appreciate me for who and what I am and be a friend to me. But I think people are not very reliable. They come and go, they can change their opinions etc. Unfortunately for me, we all are social beings, no matter how introverted one can be. I wish I could change that in myself, but it’s beyond me. There’s something in my unconscious that makes me feel and behave otherwise. Those feelings may intensify because of my high sensitivity, but maybe they don’t and all people could feel so in my situation.
But I could feel much worse if I wouldn’t know about Elaine’s research and this site. Every time I read Comfort Zone articles it feels so right to me…
This speaks to the work of David Nicol, director/co-founder of the Gaiafield Project and his PhD work on subtle activism at CIIS. His book, Subtle Activism: The Inner Dimension of Social and Planetary Transformation discusses the crucial role of spiritual practice in the global peace movement (and Earth’s ecosystem). I think going “in” as frequency holders (a term used by Eckhart Tolle) is a beautiful way, one way, that HSPs can support the planet and all beings (those HSPs who have an interest in this role). I am excited about this film and where it may lead all of us. Deep appreciation to you Elaine for opening to allow this to come through.
I have also recently pondered the possibility that we HSPs might see ourselves as superior, if only subconsciously. I’m glad that you have suggested that we attempt to reflect on this and avoid using derogatory language if at all possible.
I love all the detail you provide on meditation. It does seem to me as though many mainstream scientists prematurely dismiss potential realities.
Hello everybody,
I also made the experience, when using the term non-HSP or anything with “non” inside automatically the other is thinking that I am insisting that he is not sensitive at all – which is of course not the truth.
I have 2 terms for “Non-HSPs”:
When I am speaking in a mixed group – HSPs and non-HSPs – then I am using the term regular-sensitives or normal-sensitives.
When I am speaking only with HSPs I introduce them into the term Muggles 🙂 which is originally coming from the movie “Harry Potter”, where it describes non-wizards.
The word “Muggles” I do not use so often, so I mostly stay with “regular-sensitives” – in German “Normalsensible”.
Furthermore I made the experience when communicating my high-sensitivity that it is in most cases the best not using the term High-Sensitivity at least in the first 10 minutes – also depending on the person.
I can also express just my needs without mentioning High-Sensitivity at all.
If I think the other person is HSP as well and (s)he is suffering in some kind and doesn’t know anything about it I will tell this person about the trait – and then I am using the term High-Sensitivity – of course!
Always depends on the context.
So take care all of you, have a good time – and Elaine: Enjoy the premiere of “Sensitive” as much as you can – even if there is a press conference afterwards 🙂
All the best,
Julia
I can’t even speak of the relief that I feel reading this post. Yes! I stumbled across that state of being as a young kid, and spent a lot of time thinking about its mysteries while my peers were chatting about “normal” stuff. When I began talking to others about it, years later (took me a long time to work up the courage) – oh! My goodness, did I have to spend a long time in therapy trying to work out whatever was gravely wrong with me. Repressed childhood trauma? Deep depression? Personality disorder? Psychosis?
The focus on the material world is so complete, at least around my neck of the woods – it only fills me with a greater sense of need to explore that deeper layer. I have been emptying out my life to make lots of space for this quiet reflection; Irecently notified my few friends that I’m only going to communicate via letter, because having cellphones and texts is too distracting (which is pretty unusual for a 22 year old, haha.) For myself it is like trying to pump water back into my own topography, and to stop my own wells from being sucked dry – it has transformed my life from exhausting to vibrant and serene – but I felt incredibly selfish, too. A major worry hanging over my head was that I was only preserving and strengthening myself, while the rest fell into desert. I should be out there on the front lines, helping others, not comfy in my own haven of peace and healing. But when I tried to stop ‘being so selfish’ & go “out there in the front lines,” to contribute and do my part, I fell to pieces. It degraded my quality of life tremendously.
The idea that this practice which is so necessary for my own well being might somehow contribute to the greater good is everything I could have asked for. If anything, because I have always been so grateful and felt such a need to give back all I can, I wonder if my gut instinct commanding me to meditate might be some intuition that it is the best way for me to give back. It is something I can do for the world, something I am cut out to dovery well. That brings me so much peace of mind.
I always enjoy your insights Elaine.
I too am looking forward to this movie to be able to shed some light on sensitive people.
Whenever I talk about Highly Sensitive People I almost always get comments of “Be careful about putting that label on people.”, and “The sensitive nature of people is a choice and is just bad behavior.”
One side of me gets irritated that these comments are insensitive and hurtful (my reactive sensitive side) the other side of me (the patient, loving sensitive side) is saying, “Bless your heart, you need some insight on the trait.”
Some HSP will feel “superior” or “special”. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel significant as along as it is not hurtful to ourselves or others. For me, I feel insightful and curious that all people are unique with their own special gifts, abilities and traits and I feel if we can understand each other a little deeper we would all get along and work together better.
Good news now we have a movie. Can’t wait to watch and share it.
Blessings,
JohnnieUrban
Instead of using the term HSP or non-HSP, I prefer to view the 20/80% continuum in terms of “filtering”. The 80% have the ability to filter out background noise, other voices, visual images, etc. Where as the 20% have little or no filtering, all sensory inputs go directly to the conscious brain, and cognitive energy factors out the background from useful data. It is that lack of filtering that allows the 20% to hear, see, and touch things more deeply. Using Elaine’s hunting party analogy, it would make very good sense for the 20% person to be aware of all sensory data, while at the same time the 80% are able to filter out background noise or images and focus strictly on hunting.
I do believe that we all have about the same brain size and sensory systems, ie: hearing, vision, touch. The difference comes in how the 20/80% gray matter is organized to process that data. At the far end of 80%, they have a larger portion of their cognitive unit dedicated to filtering and parsing of sensory data. And as we slide across the continuum toward the 20%, that dedicated portion gets smaller, while freeing more gray matter for the increased cognitive effort of consciously doing the filtering in real time.
As an 80% with a dedicated filter, I can focus on what I need to do in a very noisy or hostel environment. While as a 20%, with my lack of dedicated filtering, allows me to use more of my overall cognitive capacity to work on very complex problems, but only in a very quiet and benign setting. There is reason and purpose for everyone.
Oh, for the record I’m 25/27 HSP, and INTJ. And ‘Thank You’ Dr. Aron for all your efforts on our behalf.
Finding I’m an HSP has been amazingly helpful, I scored 26/27 on the test. I have ADHD and Chronic Dysthymia Depression but they didn’t seem to cover everything. The HSP trait does, it gives me the big picture, a much more comprehensive and complete view of myself and my world. Really, thank you doesn’t seem like enough Dr. Aron for all you’ve done and continue to do!
Firstly I did internet research on sensitivity as I just had a channeled reading and was told (I already knew) I’m highly sensitive, highly spiritual and have a “very advanced soul”. I then found your book, tests, and site. I bought the book, the iBook and the workbook. I’ve given the physical book to my life partner, who is a mental health therapist. He was not familiar with this genetic trait but is willing to learn. (Yay for me and for his clients!)
It was interesting to find this article today in which you link HSP’s with spirituality. Before I read it, I’ve had a feeling that HSP’s are here for a very important reason. I believe it’s to help usher in a new planet. A new dimension. Our high sensitivity is much needed in many ways for this to be achieved. I don’t know all the ways yet, however I do have some ideas I don’t have time to go into right now. I believe the same is true for Indigo children, autistic children (who are actually highly intuitive research is now showing), channelers, Shaman and the like.
So in brief, I just have this feeling HSP’s are part of a bigger movement, nothing short of changing the world. We too have our place and I’m happy about that.
-Lisa
I have just finished watching the movie and wanted to say a most heartfelt thank you – Thank you for myself, thank you for my kids and thank you for the world.
After having read so many of your thoughts, watched many of your videos, and finally seen you movie last night, I can almost hear your voice when I read your posts. It’s almost as though you’re sitting here with me, speaking to me. Throughout my life, I have only truly looked up to and deeply admired a handful of people. You are certainly one of them…
Yes, the last thing we want is to be seen as belonging to a separate group, and yes, it is our responsibility to let the world know that this is not a competition, but rather an effort in bringing people closer together by helping them better understand and work with one another. And after a few years of being part of the HSP community (online), I can say with confidence that this is probably what HSP are best at: communicating thoughts peacefully while openly taking in other opinions. There is no better or more efficient way to make a global difference, I think. In those years, after having read thousands and thousands of opinions from different parents of highly sensitive children, from all over the world, I have never once witnessed serious conflict or judgement, like I have in every other group I’m a part of. What a beautiful trait this is. What a gift to the world!
As for meditation…
I have always been a very scientific person, always needing concrete proof to believe in something, even though I was desperate to believe, regardless of the evidence. It’s just the way my brain has always worked. It’s the reason I never believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny, no matter how hard my parents tried. I suppose this comes from the fact that the HSP brain deeply processes information, and this becomes easier when you know without a doubt that something is either true of false.
This has been bad for me in many ways. Meditation was something I’d never even considered, until I reached a breaking point when I was desperate for something that might help me collect myself and feel whole. Someone in the HSP (Global) Facebook group recommended an app that would help me sit through short sessions of guided meditation. I have been doing this for months now and have never been so in control of myself before. My thoughts were so scattered all my life, my head so full, I couldn’t focus on any one thing. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t function like I needed to. I am still very far from the pure consciousness state, but what I’ve achieved so far has helped me tremendously, and I honestly don’t need any kind of scientific proof that meditation would make this world a better place (even though it’s already starting to show up).
Thank you Dr. Aron. A million times, thank you.
do you mind sharing the name of this app?
I wrote a poem half a day before I read this blogpost
**************** THE HORSE ******************
Life is teeming everywhere
On a sunny midday
All the big and little systems criss-crossing each other
Production, trade, consumption
Now is the time when it is all stable
Everyone takes their share, keenly but in order
Some are now at rest after an intense dawn
I want to be a part of this
But it can’t be done consciously
To be part of the show
One must harness the horse of uncertainty
It will take you far
Left, right, up and down
But as soon as you want to grasp it
Or just take a look at the map
It will throw you off
You will be hurt and on your own feet
Just a spectator of the show
However, the horse will always be there waiting patiently
The hard part is to get up on it again though
And to resist looking at the map again
Which you will do sooner or later
This is the way when your mind is of fire and ice
One wants to keep your experiences like pinned down butterflies
Carefully examined and delineated
The other wants to let them come land on you
Feel them, see them, then forget them
Maybe they are not forgotten
Maybe the unconscious remembers
Is the unconscious the link between feeling and reason?
How does one cultivate the unconscious
Or is it merely the bridge at which the war is taking place
***********************************************
Key word being uncertainty, I have long felt that there is something quantum physical about the inner world (which of course affects the material world). Quantum physics tell of the uncertainty principle: If a particle’s position is known exactly, then its speed and direction of travel MUST be completely arbitrary and vice versa. The more you know about one, the less about the other. This applies to VERY small objects only. Then there is the principle of self-recurrence, patterns in nature seem to replicate themselves when changing scales (seen “God’s fingerprint”?). So one could expect that on some higher plane, perhaps even in a virtual plane such as the inner world, an equivalent of the uncertainty principle applies. Since the brain operates on electrons (VERY small particles) perhaps at a place in the brain, where the tiniest sparks appear and begin a cascade, this rule applies.
What I have been discovering is that you can achieve very much and grow personally during times when you succeed to accept living in a state of uncertainty, maybe related to the “conscious unconsciousness”. Not trying to figure things out exactly by tireless analysis with cold reason nor falling into wild emotion or seeking immediate emotional comfort. It’s like surfing, you can steer a little bit but on the whole, it’s the wave that decides. But you cannot completely surrender to the wave or it will tumble you over. Once one loses this state, it takes hard work and determination to regain it. It is during the process of losing and regaining this state that I have been feeling different “layers” of existence and the energy trade-offs one can make to climb between these. This is also very quantum, small particles are quantized meaning they can exist and jump only between certain plains of specific energy.
There is one thing that makes my mind go round. You tell about the layers and the collapse of these. We are abusing the planet for sure. But maybe a collapse of inner layers is a good thing that we should welcome, that will bring the solutions? Maybe not a complete collapse but a narrowing? From the uncertainty principle, you can calculate to what level of certainty you can analyze both the position AND the speed of the particle in order to know as much as possible of both, an optimization. Yes people are material but the future has never been as uncertain and changing as now and I think people are forced to use feeling even if they wished to analyze and pre-plan everything. And all these phenomena such as how the internet develops and so on are to me a process of self-optimization and acceleration and brings many wonders. A thing worth exploring would be how and if the energy states of particles are related to the uncertainty principle because this is a missing link in this text.
However, the individual cannot accelerate all the time, one need to rest and recover. Otherwise we simply get broken down. Then things such as T. Meditation (which I haven’t tried but will definitely have to) seem like a good idea.
Oh and since this is my first post here, I want to thank you Elaine for you work, determination and courage. Finding the HSP theory has been a great milestone for me.
Hey everyone,
I have a question, since I have had an accident with my head 1 year back my HSP only got worse, physically my head should be alright, but mentally I\’m going crazy. I am still in college, studying management and entrepreneuring a business, but it\’s so hectic, noisy and crowded, that I just can\’t focus at all, I end up stayin home a lot of days, only coming to college on the most important days, panicking in the train after my study of the most silent sounds, and crying myself to sleep when I get home. I just feel I can\’t handle anything anymore, I don\’t get joy from living anymore, since I am always panicked, I am so motivated to get my degree and start my own business, and I get so scared to think I might not get my degree, because I can\’t stand all the sounds of the surroundings.
I love work, and I love my boyfriend who supports me so well.
But I just can\’t imagine how I can live without getting my diploma and fulfilling my life dream.
How are you handling this? Can you still go to work, or college? Will it ever get less worse again?
I am sorry if my English is bad, since I am from the Netherlands, but I just want to get some advice about handling this really bad HSP.
Thank you for reading, Manita
Hi Manita,
Sounds like you’re having a rough time. Have you tried meditation? I find that it helps me to gain control over myself and calm the thoughts that typically fill my mind. It also really helps me to “reset” so that I can take on the rest of the day and all its noise.
If you haven’t tried it yet I strongly suggest you do. I didn’t go through this sever over-stimulation when I was in college. It happened when I had my second child and became a stay at home mom. It drove me crazy and I was depressed for a while. That’s when I reached out for help and was told about the benefits of meditation, something I’d never even considered before.
Good luck Manita! I hope you gain control soon!
Best,
Leila
Hi Manita,
My heart feels for you. I was always HSP but became even more so after car accidents. The reasons could be numerous. What is important is for you to find your way gently. There is time. I agree meditation and mindfulness are very beneficial. It’s great your boyfriend is so supportive. If you can use an HSP professional for additional support that could also be significant for you. Check Dr. Aron’s listing for someone that resonates with you. I want to give you hope, I went on to get a couple masters degrees and have a very successful career, currently counseling and coaching HSP’s. I have children and a grandchild. My life has been full and meaningful. I have found surrender to what is (with faith) and lots of self-care and self love are turning points. I’ve been meditating for 40 years now. The issues that came up after my car accidents changed the direction of my life in a very wonderful way, although it was not clear at the time. I am so blessed to have the life I have. There is so much hope.
Blessings and Peace to you,
Rebecca Rengo
Being a HSP and mystic, where does one go for company and or direction? Quantum Physics and the expression of energy relate to spirit and that which can’t be named “god”. Meditation being a portal into the depth of this reality. I’m a mom , wife, teacher. It’s not like you can chat about this stuff in the grocery line. My husband looks at me like I’m an alien and priests, well that’s a WHOLE other session in therapy. They pick your brain and become a bit frightened more than providing company within presence. I need company. I need an outlet where people get it. I need direction. I need someone I can just chat with or just be present with, really present where words are not needed. I need some help.
Hi Catherine! I’ve been in the same place. First read Highly Intuitive Person by Heidi Sawyer. Then go to her site to connect. She’s in UK, so I’ve been looking into my own “connection” site in the US (East BayArea, Ca). Saved my life to know & connect with others like me. 😘
Hi, my name is Martin. I am not sure where to begin, but first of all let me say thank you, for your movie which i recently watched but also for opening my eyes to this “discovery” about myself and the knowledge of other people being likeminded.
I live in Sweden where like in the states things are moving faster and faster. I felt more and more like someone born in the “wrong” age of time. I never heard of this trait in the past and it was due to a link put up on facebook i tracked down you and the movie. That was very recently and like i said earlier it was like opening a door to a home that always existed but i never knew the way find that door or the way to the house.
After reading about the trait and after watching the movie, i feel i can relate to almost everything. There are a few things being different but those things can also quite easely be explained and then therefor also fit the trait.
How did this trait affect my life? Well, in many ways as most of you knows. Both good and bad.
I had teo very sensitie parents, so i never really felt misunderstood by them to be honest. But largely by the world around me. I realized quite fast i was different in some ways, but i adapted and created some type of shell to protect me and sort of made the world around me believe i had no difficulties but rather only the strength from my traits.
For example in school, i was not very introvert in the way that i never socialized or hung out with people. But rather i hid that i thought being in crowds was a pain sometimes and used my creative side with words and humour to make people laugh. So in that way people forgot that i felt it was very difficult to stand in front of the class or speak in public etc. They remembered my jokes and my other persona better. So even though i was “shy” in that way i think most friends and poeple around me percieved me as quite forward and outspoken. But not in an unpleasent way, rather in a way that i listsned to people and made them feel good by using my trait( as i now know) to listen to what people needed and liked and gave that to them in a way and people liked that. Also i was never loud or unthoughtful, but rather was friends with everyone. I was enemy of no one. Always in the middle.
The thing about wanting to excerise solo was and is true for me bigtime. I was always very gifted in sports due to my father being very athltic but also due to being able to use my trait alot in football, and other awareness dependable sports. I always felt i had a huge advantage there. But the dissadvantage came when lots of people got involved. Then i felt it was no fun. I always “cursed” myself for that when younger. Because i felt i could have got somewhere since i had that gift.
Particularely that became true when i discovered Thaiboxing. It was as if my sensitive side was made for it at first. And here is one of those things that i said i did not relate to. I always had a pretty high threshold for pain. At least when i was prepared for it and i focused. But, for myself i can relate to a very huge sensitivity in my skin for other kind of sensatios to the body, like if someone i do not know touches me, or even GFs i had touches me i can react to it in a strong way because it sort of diisturbs my sensibilities somehow. Something i feel had been a “dissadvantage” in my personal life sometimes. But in Thaiboxing i never felt that which is wierd, or with any stronger hits to the body i had the opposite reaction. I can close that off.
And when it cema to doing Thaiboxing the inuition and awareness i felt was amazing. My coach saw early on i had a “talent” for it. I was aboe to “read” a lot of reactions before they got to me and counter that easely. The boxing was a huge part of my life and still is. But the same trait that gave me the advantage also gave me the disadvantage that made it so i couldnt continue competing etc.
I felt too much emotion.
Early on i realized i could connect to people deeply. And that contradicts hiting them or hurting someone else alot. I always felt sorry for the person i faced, or even complimenting people i sparred with hiting me rather than trying to hit them harder. I always used my awareness to outmeneuver the poeple i faced rather than having to hurt them and win that way. it is wierd, but i managed to make it work for ahwile before i realized i would never make a career from it. Being the sensitive person i was.
My parents were never very spiritual, even though they were very sensitive and connected people. My father was extremly scientific and knowledgable of things, so he had a hard time believing in anything supernatural. But the funny thing he was VERY connected to nature, and i think a large part of him gave me the part of the trait that moves me by nature. he could go on and on about a flower, or the beauty of the landscape and fought tooth and nail for the environment.
He was also very creative with words and poems etc.
My mother on the other hand was extremly senstive and empathic as a person. She cried every time she watched a documentary or read a letter or heard something that moved her in any way. So i feel like either they were both Highly sensitive or i got the whole trait from them in parts 😉
But i was always very spiitual. I was never religious. But i always felt very connected to something around me. I always prayed( even though no one ever tought me or told me to, it just came naturaly), and over the years that faith in something watching out for me ahve grown stronger and always accompanied me throghout life. I never felt i really belonged to any one religion though as i felt connected somehow to all of them. I feel comfort in any church, or in any temple. I always loved nature and the older i have become the less i want to do anything to hurt our planet or our animals. I always get rediculed or made fun of at work or at hime when saving the soider from getting stomped or the wasp from being swatted by my coworkers.
Hows does this affect me today? Well, funny thing is i work with people having autism. And i use my “trait” alot there i realize now. i connect with those kids in a way that might be harder for someone else i believe. I got told a long time ago by a mentor that i must work with people in some way. he was the first one telling me i had a gift for it. I never understood why, but now even more so i can relate to and understand why it kind of fits me.
There are other things in my line of work that is tought for me though. A lot of meetings, and a lot of social garderings, that poeple once again think or believe i enjoy or can handle, but a big part of me loath that part most of the time..
My creative side comes out in my photography. i work occasionaly as a photographer on the side and it is my great passion to try and move people with my pictures. And no i can also see why and how i have that gift:)
So thank you again. You opened up my eyes. And made me want to become a better father also since i now know how to treet my children knowing they most likely have the trait too…
/Martin.
Thank you Elaine. I am an Orthopaedic Surgeon 52. Indian, working in Dubai, UAE. I really wonder how much of an insight you must have had to pick up something as ephemeral as this. I feel HSP’s are more like Depth Perceivers than Sensitive as we tend to observe and interpret things more deeply. When I came across an article in a local magazine about “The Sensitive Movie”, I just couldn’t believe it. That’s how I felt all my life, with no clue why so. Felt everyone feel the same. Many times I could see through people and when someone says something at odds to what I feel about them I used to get confused not knowing which is the truth, what I sense or what they say. Mostly I used to convince myself that I am wrong. I relate to most of the commentators in this blog.
So asap I downloaded the book, bought the movie and read and watched umpteen number of times. I didn’t score very high like others over here but as you mentioned some of the points are extremely strong in me. But being a doctor I am still unconvinced about making a self diagnosis. I wanted to meet a psycologist more to confirm my condition rather than for any problem. As your website does not mention any local psychologists who deal with this condition, I have searched around and found one. She was able to confirm my suspicions with just one sitting. And I was lucky that she herself is a HSP. Now I can believe in me more and trust my feelings.
The one thing that surprised me most is about tendency for HSP’s to tilt towards spirituality and meditation. When I started meditating about 7 yrs back I took it like fish to water, not understanding why its so manageable compared to others who struggle at it and I progressed pretty satisfactorily and now I can just switch off for long periods of time, no matter however stressed I am.
I also read voraciously and I read right from spiritual to scientific and like you very much interested and scout around for scientific proof of meditation. In this matter I recommend a book “Head Trip” by Jeff Warren which gives some latest knowledge with regards to consciousness.
The following article I came across with regards to benefits of meditation in The article was published online January 21 in Frontiers in Psychology 2015, the link is as below.
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/839791
PS: It took me quite an effort to put this in your blog. I think you understand. Thank you again.
It’s taken me 82 years to find out that I am HSP and what a sigh of relief. Still ringing in my ears from childhood is my mom saying ‘Jean, don’t be so sensitive,’ like I could help it. I also grew up in an ACE household. And no therapist has ever clued me in but when I go into a yarn shop or fabric store I am so overwhelmed with color it takes my breath away. I feel physically. Such relief to finally know I’m ok.
Elaine, I’m just discovering the incredible research you’ve done. I’m new to all of this but you’ve given me an explanation for so many things. I didn’t know where else to leave this comment, but I hope someone sees it and can help. I’m in a highly competitive, demanding and cut-throat profession. At this point, quitting is not an option. Well, I just heard the term “Highly Sensitive Person” two weeks ago and was told of the movie Sensitive. I watched it and was absolutely shocked. I’m 42 and have spent my life stuffing, bottling, attempting to change the fact that I’m “too sensitive”. I decided at 20 that I just had to at least pretend to be normal. So, for that last 22 years I’ve (pretended to) toughen up. I became a family law attorney when I was 26. Now, I run my own firm. Obviously, family law is ALL about raw emotion, hurt and trauma. I’ve tried to numb myself but I have never understood why I couldn’t. I spend my weekdays fighting, protecting and, well, hurting because I feel my clients’ pain immensely. I’ve grown used to it, I guess. I’ve had two failed marriages because I just cannot and will not connect with another human being. I cannot handle another person needing me! I won’t even get close enough to friends and family. I’m too much for one person. (Alanis says it best, “I’m too exhausting to be loved”). I heard that long before I saw the movie or even knew she was an HSP (or what that was). I think I’m considered good at what I do. I’ve been rewarded and recognized for my work with kids and adults alike. I suppose that means I’m doing something right. FOR EVERYONE ELSE. But by Friday, my yearning to retreat, alone, to my home is as strong as my need to breathe. I don’t leave my house Friday-Sunday unless it’s to do something for my son or run an errand. Is this all I can expect? I’m so sorry to lean on you but I don’t know where else to turn. I don’t mean to be a bother. I cannot imagine how much people write to you. But I just want relief and for the first time EVER I have hope there are people I might be able to be the real me around. Assuming I can break that wall down. How do mix this insane life that is my job and affects me so immensely yet find some sense of solace that my being an HSP is okay in this profession, or, maybe even an asset?