Guest Blog by Alane Freund, MS, MA
May is mental health awareness month. For 2023, the Mental Health Awareness month campaign “is focused on how surroundings impact mental health, and we are calling for individuals to look around, look within.” In 1949, Mental Health America (MHA) designated May as Mental Health Month to raise awareness and “to spread the word that mental health is something everyone should care about.” This is an important theme for HSPs and Highly Sensitive Youth. Why? We are more impacted by our surroundings than anyone without high sensitivity.
“Look around and look within” and you will surely see the people, places, and things in your surroundings that are impacting your mental health. These impacts can be both healthy and problematic. Remember, we are better at healing. When we improve our surroundings… We get BETTER! Mental Health Awareness month is a time for us all to remember that we have the power to heal. We can heal and be healthy because we react to the good stuff even more than we react to the bad stuff. You can create the good in your surroundings, in your life, and in your heart and mind.
I often hear from HSPs who say, “I understand that sensitivity is a gift, but I just don’t feel it because I find myself having to isolate or be aloof in order to survive.” The truth is: We can’t underestimate how important our childhood experience is to how we feel and function today. HSPs who had a childhood that was more difficult or not supportive enough need a lot of support to experience the gift(s) of being highly sensitive. I’m one of those HSPs–A lot of twelve step work and a lot of therapy and a lot of exercise and a lot of meditation and a lot of the other kinds of self-care…And it’s still hard sometimes! The struggle is real! And so is our phenomenal ability to heal.
Guest Blog by Alane Freund, MS, MA. Alane is an International Consultant on High Sensitivity (ICHS) and family therapist who helps highly sensitive adults and youth focus on solutions through therapy, consultation, and speaking. Ms. Freund has developed and implemented programs for highly sensitive people, youth, families, and the clinicians who serve them. She holds Masters’ degrees in both clinical psychology and school counseling and is the parent of a highly sensitive young adult. Ms. Freund’s Talk at Google, Understanding the Highly Sensitive Person, is a widely recognized resource. In addition to her YouTube channel, Alane Freund LMFT, she hosts the twice monthly Are You Highly Sensitive LIVE membership workshops. Her innovative programs include HSPs & Horses™ and the online Sensitivity Circle topics: Parenting Sensitivity, Sensitive Youth, Wise Women & Wonder, HSProfessionals, HSPs in Relationships, and HSMen. Alane offers team building, educational workshops, and retreats at Heart and Mind Equine in California and across the globe, She can be reached for consultation or speaking through her website, alanefreund.com
I am so glad to see this recent posting. I check frequently to see what else i can do to support myself and my son, as we both highly sensitive beings. As a single mother, in a complex behind-the-times County of HUMBOLDT, CALIFORNIA, finding and maintaining a healthy support system is a bit of a struggle so i rely on the information on sites like these. I appreciate all you have done for the HS community and I thank you so so much for shedding light on this TRAIT, ive stopped looking for what is WRONG with me and started to believe in ME. To believe that my experiences are valid and that i am not alone. It has made the greatest impact on my life and how i view myself in the world. Thank you for being YOU Elaine!
Dear Tori, This is Alane, the author of the above post. I want to invite you to check out my community Are You Highly Sensitive. I’m teaching skills based, live masterclasses every month. One for HSPs and one for parents raising sensitive youth. I’d love to support you. We have an amazing group of parents who show up every month to learn and support one another. Being alone on the path isn’t how we were meant to raise our sensitive kids!! I raised a son (still at it though he’s 22 now). In case you see this in July 2023, I’m hosting a free community conversation for and about sensitive men on July 8th. You can find links on my website (or on this website) under events. https://www.alanefreund.com/events/
È molto importante capire di no essere soli.scoprire il dono è molto difficile.
I am so very grateful to have a better understanding of who I am.
Knowing my grandson is a hsp as well, and seeing him struggle through school
has brought several tears to my eyes countless times.
He also has a father I believe has NPDISORDER, and my grandson is suffering because of his father’s disorder. It’s horrible to have this knowledge and be powerless to stop the outcome. I plan on getting your newest book in hopes it could help. Thank you for your research Dr. Aron.
Thank you Elaine. I am, as you are, an HSP with no support from my parents in childhood. Sometimes I find it hard to believe in people. I will copy your words and I will print them, to keep them alive in my mind.
Eu fiz 27 pontos, para alto sensibilidade.
Sinto me se tivesse mais 50 caixinha de perguntas eu marcaria todos como super verdadeiro.
Minha infância foi complicada, apenas meu pai entendia o que eu sentia. Na escola tive muita dificuldade, apenas 2 professores entendia mais ou menos o que eu sentia. Hoje na vida adulta, as sensibilidades contínua no mesmo nível, as dificuldades de lidar com elas não é fácil, criei meus próprios métodos de defesas, consigo ter dias tranquilos, mas de dez em quanto sai do controle me isolo, e espero passar. Um dos pontos mais importante pra voce não sofrer é organizar a vida pra não ter surpresas, análise os gatilhos, eu por exemplo não posso ouvi músicas, minha sensibilidade estoura que chego a chorar. Procure seus gatilhos, e evite eles custe o que custar. A sua mente vai esvaziar, suas emoções serão controladas.
All my life (57 years), I had ‘known’ something was quite different about me. I had no support from my family, as they were too busy with their own individual dramas to notice me or my struggles with the world. Something clicked during therapy, after my divorce, and I started to feel that whatever ‘IT’ was was okay and that all would be revealed in time. Fast forward 13 years and I found Sensitive – The Untold Story on Gaia. Finally…the feelings of overwhelm, the sensitivity to textures/sounds/lights/energies…it wasn’t a descent into maddness after all and I wasn’t alone any more. I’m still living in a city where finding my pack is difficult, and I’m still the family ‘freak show’, but maybe I can see this as a gift one day. Thank you for the work you’ve done so the rest of us can have peace.
That has been the issue for me of finally understanding that I’ve had HSP all my life in my fifties and why things were the way they were all my life I thought everybody was experiencing at the same way I was .My biggest challenge now is that I also have a huge emotional empath sensitivity and my husband has a huge family and there is mental health and drama and when I’m near these people physically, they don’t have to say a thing.. I can feel everything going on with people anger hurt mental issues.. Reunions or big family gatherings which are frequent, are hell for me because it’s 7 Days of ADHD people who are in the same ocean, but floating all the time and I’m HSP scuba diving… I already know what’s on the surface but I also know what’s underneath ..they don’t It came to a head recently, with a sister-in-law that was having a mental health issue and ended up just completely bombing me out of the blue with something and now I am labeled as some kind of a perpetrator of a completely asinine scenario and it has affected me because there is Gossip perpetrated by people amongst all the brothers but it is also drawn in my young nieces and nephews and it has just literally devastated me. I love the gift I have that allows me to see people on the outside who need in and to be able to be aware of things and be compassionate to others, but it also is completely destructive for me when how I feel is not considered, or I am shut down when I go to speak..I noticed that I have to have detail and notice about things I cannot function well under fly by the seed of your pants or people just showing up out of the blue or things happening without me knowing it’s coming well. I speak with extreme detail and when you live with people that do one or two words, that doesn’t go anywhere . I am constantly being labeled things and it hurts and when I express how something makes ME feel and for the 50th time how i function and what are triggers for me… The first thing out of spouse’s mouth is “you need to be on medicated or you need to try weed!,” and it’s actually very offensive and hurtful to me because they’re not ever taking ownership on their part of anything it would be nice if they would listen to things I let them know are triggers or harmful for me instead of constantly putting me in those situations and they telling me “just go medicate yourself”… I have a health issue that I’ve had for 50 years that is very reactive as well to what happens with me when I have emotional bombing and I can’t take medications without having bad side effects from them I just wish people were more considerate and thoughtful and would also look into what they can do to change things themselves
Hello Me…I’m not sure if you will read this reply, but I will send it just the same. When I started to read your comment I had to think for a minute…was this a comment I sent in August 2023? Your situation sounds very much the same as mine. A few different details , but along the same lines. I hope you are in a better space now…6 months later. All I can say is keep giving your HSP self much love and self care. do the things that nurture you. Get outside into nature if you can. It is very healing and peaceful. I am also an emotional empath, so I hear what you are saying. I personally need alot of alone time. I draw, paint, hike, snowshoe, shop, read, cook alone. I take naps throughout the day to recharge. I don’t put pressure on myself to ‘be’ what others think I should be. I don’t care if inlaws show up and there is no snack or dessert to serve them. As for medication…I have to take an antidepressant. I have struggled with intolerable side effects for YEARS. I have 18 psychiatric meds I cannot take. The antidepressant that I must take, I cut in 4 and take every four hours. This reduces the intensity of the side effects and I feel physically much much better. This might be an option for HSPs who find they get too many or too intense side effects from meds. Of course , you want to discuss this with your pharmacist and or prescribing physician. I wish you much happiness and great health. Learn as much as you can about HSP and Empath traits, watch videos, read articles and books. All these resources will validate who you are and that you are the SANE one in your family!
I had a lovely conversation with a high school teacher who spoke about how much support there now is for kids who have HSP (she’s a school counsellor). When she was young there was very little help, so within a decade or two things have finally started improving in our education system.
I just recently learned about HSP and it all made sense to me. All my life (I am now 60) I have been …different, felt like I was in the wrong place or didn’t fit in. Always told I was shy. Best friend are animals and I feel like I know what they are feeling. I’m super sensitive to other people’s emotions, but didn’t make the connection.. I MUST have time alone. I noticed I was avoiding crowded places and feeling over whelmed. I described it as anxiety. And went to a doctor who prescribed medication. I didn’t like how that made me feel so I stopped taking them. Not long ago I went to a basketball game…as soon as I got inside I started shaking, heart pounding. After I sat down I realized how charged the crowd was and couldn’t stop shaking. I have also been in crowds and one person will really draw my attention and I “feel” like they are extremely troubled. I have to force myself to spend time with friends, but still feel awkward around people I’ve know for a very long time. I took the test and scored 17. I want to learn more about this and how do I make the most of my life with it.
This was helpful. I experienced childhood trauma and have struggled with my mental health all my life. I often feel hopeless. This post helps me to continue to seek help and hope that I can one day feel ok.
As an HSP, I find there are times when being able to “read” people does not result in empathy but aversion: once in a while my senses tell me that a person is dangerous or shady or just plain evil inside. Or perhaps merely untrustworthy, likely to gossip, or overly-critical or itching to create negative drama. So the word “empathy” when used as it generally is today, as “kindly to all sorts and sweetly understanding of ALL sorts of people” is not always, though usually,the case with me. Never cruel to even the worst sorts, but certainly not likely to befriend and sympathize with some of the evil I sense.
(Contrary to some psyche-educators, evil does still exist: denial of that fact is the worst delusion.)
Also these days, I might get overtired but not necessarily “overwhelmed” by some of that people-sensing stimuli. “Overwhelmed” means “defeated easily” and I do not consider myself to be “easily defeated” by the thoughts of others. On the contrary, sensing nasty thought patterns or moods would make me a very strong adversary should I choose to do verbal (or other) battle if they seriously challenged me, although I generally simply avoid such drama as unworthy and useless.
Mostly no one does challenge me, as I can also have a certain look in my eye, I have been told, that signals that I am not likely to be defeated. This I suppose I inherited from my father who could stop a fight before it started with that same kind of look. All his children and grandchildren testify to a (mild) version of Dad’s “look” when they misbehaved, lol. Highly sensitive is not necessarily weak, just very aware to the point of being somewhat precognitive. Some of us are strong. The look has had a few accuse me of being a witch, I have heard. So I suppose it was scary?
I accept HSP as a self-descriptive term, but my paternal grandmother used to say about me “still waters run deep” and called me an “old soul,” and said “she sees right through people” which I think might have expressed some of the same characteristics as HSP in her lifetime, when I was a youngster.
“Shallow” “fresh”-in a negative sense, “thoughtless,” “unfeeling” “never thinks before he/she speaks” and “blind to the suffering of others” were some of the opposite terms I heard her use discussing some especially insensitive persons’ hurtful actions. Perhaps there should be a term for them: EIP’s. Wonder what the % of EIP’s is these days? (Or “shallows” vs “deeps” in grandmother’s terms.)
I am 58 and only discovered I was HSP when I was 50. Two years ago I started questioning if I was an Empath of sorts. After a year of free government funded therapy( thank you Canada….where I live) I was assigned a psychotherapist who has become a great gift to me……she IS also HSP and a very multifaceted Empath. And yes , I am an emotional empath with some energetic intuitiveness.
I also have serotonin levels that just don’t cooperate and have the diagnosis of major depressive disorder, so I need an antidepressant and this aspect of my health care would be considered ‘ mental health’ . I hate the term mental. I prefer to say mind health. I have a University degree and was once told I am a ‘ perpetual student’..I love to learn. I love knowledge. Mental has a less than average intellectual connotation to it.
The past 3 years, since a severe mind health crisis, I have been through trauma induced by psychiatrists prescribing dangerous meds for me. I have a list of 18 meds that I cannot be prescribed. I have to get a medic alert bracelet so I am not given these meds. Some of them cause me to be suicidal.
I have been away from my home for the past 5 months. My 84 year old HSP mother fell and landed in hospital with pelvic fracture. What she went through in the 108 days that she was hospitalized was unreal. I have been here where she lives looking after her in hospitals and getting her out of hospital and trying to help her recuperate at retirement home.
I really believe the HSPs and Empaths environment is KEY to how we can live a healthy peaceful and productive life. Being out of the comfort and routine I started to set up for myself where I live has made me realize this.
I miss my solitude. I miss my sewing machine. I miss being alone with my thoughts.
Hopefully the new generation of psychiatrists and mind health health professionals will be educated about the HSP trait and Empath traits and learn to integrate these facts into treatment plans that will be successful for HSPs who need mind health help.
If I could make my external environment be what I’d like it to be, I’d have an art studio, I’d have a sewing room, I’d have a sunroom, I’d have high ceilings, I’d have trails to walk on in solitude with the trees, I’d have a kitchen that would provide me with the aliveness of fresh fruits and vegetables.
I’d have a means of financial gain that would allow me to create things for others.
My confidence in my intuition has grown in the past 5 months. I have become more grounded.
I wouldn’t be surprised if a large percentage of people in psychiatric hospitals have the HSP and Empath traits. We are a unique people, we are justice seeking people. Yet we are easily effected by the wrong meds that can REALLY distort who we are. Psychiatric drugs are powerful brain changing meds.
At one point my mother became upset while in hospital. The attending physician called in the Geriatric team and psychiatrist suggested two antipsychotic meds. I just about hit the roof. I told them absolutely NOT. I demanded the meds be discontinued and told the psychiatrist and his nurse to stay away from my mother. My mother has some Alzheimer’s memory difficulties and its aggravated when she is stressed out. Add her HSP trait to this and with the wrong doctor potential for disaster is real.
This is why I pointedly refuse to get treatment for my failing mental health. The moment I mention about death as a symbolism of my internal struggles, the world seems to accuse me of being suicidal. I have no other way of expressing this constant internal battle, like a snowstorm raging throughout and devouring every part of me. It makes me feel so weak and worthless like a ragged doll.
It doesn’t help that no one understands. I once tried to open up to my family by letting them read an article about HSP but they seemed so… uninterested. (I mean they read it. It’s just i have high expectations, only to be let down time and time again.) Perhaps I was reading them wrongly again? Perhaps they were processing the information inwardly? Maybe.
When I think about medical professionals, I subconsciously relate them to asylums, “white torture”, loneliness in the darkest night of the year, and dehumanisation with numbers and colours.
I feel the world slam the door on my whole life whenever they realise I struggle with anxiety disorders (it’s obvious; it’s literally the least heard of anxiety disorder). They’ll cast a pitiful look in my direction, as if I were some injured puppy on the streets, then proceed on to never bat an eye and continue going on with the motions of the society. Time will fly like an arrow from a bow, but I won’t. My heart will be pierced.
School councillors and doctors would just label me with additional mental health disorders, prescribe some precautions and medicines, before shooing me off after collecting the standardised fee from my parents. I can’t help but think that the society runs on transactional and superficial relations. It’s so depressing and so tiring having to draw up a special plan every day of my life to pointedly avoid people who stir uneasy feelings within me in school and outside in the real world.
I have only one hope. Nature will heal me. Animals are my only companions, but I’m so afraid of hurting them. Dogs are almost psychic. I feel so worthless to burden them with my emotional and mental pain, which is why I hang out with the trees and talk to them instead.
The environment sure does affect me immensely. White rooms drive me insane (more than I am already). I agree with the notion of planting more trees and having forest trails around medical facilities to cater to HSPs. Sometimes I like to attribute our own distress to the people who attempt to fix us, yet fail to do so.
The school compound needs more nature too. What’s the use of all those indoor sports hall for physical exercise to promote wellness? They’re stuffy, hot, noisy and bright, especially with forty other people running helter-skelter. I feel so sick and disoriented whenever I attend PE classes. I just end up: (1) making multiple lists of flaws about humanity and society, (2) analysing poems and books from my near perfect memory, (3) feigning interest and okay-ness in those lessons as I watch every ball (I’m supposed to catch) drop to the ground—dead (while calculating the velocity of it—kidding), (4) escape into the toilets (to breathe in fresh air! Fresh indeed), (5) rush my homework last minute whenever lessons are free to play whatever sports we want (while hyperventilating more than my peers playing the sports), (6) figuring out varying differences in certain words (and being puzzled over how others can be so indifferent about our over-reliance on social and man-made constructs), (7) analysing people’s personality, and/or (8) scream inwardly while I stare into space and drift off into another world. So much for my well-being.
Ah yes, I forgot to mention that the horrible brats of my past have haunted me till this day. But it’s the past (I’m NOT over it after nearly a decade).
*Sigh* Sometimes I really hate being a HSP. Constant. Overthinking.
I just wish for a listening ear. I long for someone who shares the same unconventional interests and hobbies as I do. This is why I dream excessively.
I wanted to share that I wrote a picture book called Sensitive, illustrated by Mehrdokht Amini that was published by CarolRhoda Press/Lerner this October. I thought I’d mention it here in the hopes that it might reach children who would benefit from it. Here’s a link to it on my website:
https://www.saralevinebooks.com/sensitive
Take care everyone.
Sara
I am looking for insight and resources as a person I a romantic relationship with an HSP.