As some of you know, I took off three months from my usual tasks (mostly answering emails, doing interviews, speaking, etc.) to focus more on writing and research. I was surprised by how happy it made me. Almost ecstatic! I realize that I thrive on being creative, as do most HSPs, and I have not been seriously creative for years. Interviews and emails often involve repeating the basic information about HSPs over and over. I do enjoy speaking and especially answering questions, which allows for creativity. But speaking involves hours of arrangements to be made (more emails) beforehand, and afterwards I am always exhausted. I needed to go back to what I was designed to do, and that is creative writing – whether fiction, nonfiction, or new research articles.
“But you write so much already!” To be truthful, after twenty-five years of writing advice for HSPs, I find that it no longer feels creative. Of course, it may come to feel creative again, but I want any future advice I give to be more creative, wiser. Deeper. After being asked so often how HSPs have been affected by the Pandemic, at one time I might have given some pat answers – maybe “in three ways,” even – but now I feel strangely irritated by the question. How should I know? How are left-handed persons affected? Not only are we differentially susceptible, but we are all in different circumstances and have other personality traits. What about introverts versus extraverts? People living alone versus living with people they love, or living with people they can barely stand? I just do not feel like lumping you all together right now, on the one hand, or trying to address the issues of dozens of subgroups of HSPs.
So here is some advice after all, in the form of questions without answers from me because it would differ for each of you. Are you doing, at least some of the time, what you really love to do? What you feel you were meant to do? What makes you happy? Can you find a way to do it more?
One other thing: Once you get into anything truly creative, be prepared for serious moments of doubt about its quality and how others will receive it. Creative means different. Different is risky. But if the work is making you happy, maybe it is worth the risk. And maybe it is excellent.
Bottom line: Three months was not enough for me and I am going to continue focusing on the writing I want to do right now. You will see emails from me less often. Let me be your role model. If you can manage it, be sure to do what you want. None of us will live forever.
have lost the joy of painting. ; I keep trying. This isolation has not helped.
I try to do SMALL and do more OFTEN as Lee Harris says.
Any tip?
Hi Keya,
Have you read a book called The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron? I found it quite helpful when I was stuck in a creative block with my painting. Maybe it will be useful for you. Also, when I don’t feel like painting at all, I put on some nice lounge music and use a coloring book to at least have a feeling that I am painting.
Highly recommend this book!
I have done this AW exercise and it was life changing! I highly recommend.
For what it’s worth, I fully support you in your endeavor! Working from home during the pandemic made me aware of some of what you mentioned, as my normal commute time was used for “doing me.”
You inspire me to do what’s been shouting inside of me for the longest time. Thank you and I wish you many blessings!
This is exactly what I needed right now. I guess hsp intuition and (my search engine) brought me to your article. Thank you so much for the wise words.
None of us will live forever. – You are so right!
Thank you for your work. My hope is, that it will make you happy again 🙂
Thank you for that valuable reminder to calm our souls by making time for what we love and removing some of the ‘noise’. And thanks also for your books, which have allowed me to understand and accept myself and my daughter. I will be forever grateful to you.
I am 84, comfortable and secure in life. Found out I was an HSP at around 80 so there were many years of creative denial. I have an insatiable curiosity to know why COVID -19 now. Have studied harmful pandemics before and concluded that the power of the human ego has been completely unbounded many times in history. I take it in and it has I lodged in muscle spasms in my spine at my age. I am like the princess and the pea fairy story. Let it flow through me please and not stay. Love Joe Dispenza and so many, many others as I pursue the best consciousness that I know to have. Please, your thoughts on letting stuff go other than straight commands to self. I am a very spiritual person. I love you.
Dear Joan,
I am 77 and have debilitating chronic pain from a couple botched surgeries. It was wonderful to read your words because i have found some ease and comfort in spirituality but wrestle with the “overwhelmedness” of things in my life.
Thank you for your insight – especially for those of us at an advanced age. You are lovely and kind.
Dear Elaine,
You touched upon something I have had on my mind lately- creativity/ inventiveness. In part because of the misunderstanding of HSP as a trait, I have created a page on my website titled HSP-ology. Breaking down HSP experiences & examples into D.O.E.S., I am curious about other patterns…especially creativity (HSPs do appear to have plenty!) Has anyone tested this? Do you know of any primatologist or biologist considering inventiveness in other species? My background in research is archaeology and I am wondering if HSPs, past and present, account for shifts in technology for our species? It’d be great to hear your thoughts. Sincere thanks for all you do, Joe
You might want to check out the work of Kazimierz Dąbrowski (summary on Wikipedia) regarding positive disintegration (dis-integration from societal constructs) and an article on sengifted.org regarding overexcitability-and-the-gifted by Sharon Lind and “over-excitabilities.”
Hi Joe !. I am an HSP a ENTP and a psychic currently i am in overwhelm and i think it has possible due to covid. I have just seem a psychic medium and my mother came through who always said there was psychic abilities on her side of the family. She also said that now all my memories would come back to me and they have. I have been traumatised 6 times in childhood and 3 times in adulthood which have caused serious depressions. I am very creative and live in an old stone house away from a lot of other people and i now know why. I think i am being affected by Covid as i sensed my sisters death many years ago. They thought i was having a heart attack at the time ! That was my first psychic experience. I have undiagnosed ADD aqnd High functioning Autism ASD but have only Just become aware that i have asd just like my father. I have information processwing problems and it takes me time to work things out. In my case 63 years. What is the contact for your website please. regards Howard
This is just a quick burst of applause for your decision. Good for you! Here’s one HSP in total agreement. Thank you for once again being a role model.
Thanks for this, Elaine! Personally, I would love to see your fiction work. I’ve been writing (unpublished) novels for years and find that most readers who know me really enjoy my work while those who don’t know me have a hard time understanding my main characters and their motives. My main characters tend to be misfits and I recently realized that they are a lot like myself, another HSP.
I’m glad you’ve been able to find time for your creative outlets. The holiday season was a great excuse to do crafts and make gifts and put together care packages for others. It was a joyful time. And yes, it is a risk because putting myself into something creative feels very vulnerable.
Dear Elaine,
Lovely to see you again after your three-month sabbatical.
I smiled broadly reading that you were slightly irritated by the innumerable questions about how HSPs may act, react, feel, think, respond ….. 🙂 Like you, I sometimes think, “how am I supposed to know?” There are just too many variables involved in any HSP life to answer accurately for anyone. After all, there are 1.6 billion of us, and the way each of us manifests and expresses the D.O.E.S. is unique. I think that is one reason the articles entitled “15 ways an HSP (… ‘fill in the blank…’)” tend to annoy me.
Yet, I also realize why many HSPs, especially those who are newer to the trait, find comfort in reading answers to such questions ….because they are seeking validation, encouragement, support — so it’s all good. I quickly catch and reframe my tendency to be annoyed. 🙂
I love that you are focusing more on what brings you joy… I am doing the same. It may be easier for us since we are the “elder HSPs?” 🙂
with love and gratitude,
Jacquelyn
Reading your post, of course, we should all endeavor to do the things we love, particularly in the creative spheres (for me it is always the most therapeutic outlet). Unfortunately, I believe it can be incredibly challenging to action doing what we love in the day-to-day. I say this because it relies on being present, slowing down and listening to yourself and your body. In the hustle and bustle of the day-to-day it can be challenging to recognise those needs, let alone action them, particularly if those around you value what you have to offer. That is not to sound negative; I believe it is a process of giving oneself permission to prioritise creative needs or general needs over who or what is in the immediate surrounds (self-imposed pressure included). In other words, why not take another three months off? 🙂
Dear Elaine,
I continue with my HSP journey, started when I first ready your book “The Highly Sensitive Person” many years ago. It became my bible in my counselling practice and it still resonates with me now I have retired. You have given so much insight to so many people and I thank you greatly for that.
Of course you must do what is right for you. Since the first lockdown , here in the UK, I have struggled with doing what makes me happy rather than looking after other people.
I hope you will read this missive. I don’t expect to have a reply. I just wanted to thank you for all you have done and continue to do through your books etc.. With love from one HSP to another, Pauline
Hi Pauline,
I am urged to ask you how you feel about your career as a counselor. As an HSP, did you find it exhausting? Overwhelming? Difficult? Or was it a great fit for you? I’m considering a career change and that is an area of interest for me, but I’m concerned about how it might impact my own well-being.
I am starting a counselling program in July and am curious about how other hsps process the work. My counsellor is an hsp too. I am a retired teacher and plan to work only part time, so I think that will help. Since I retired in 2019 self care has been my focus. I have been with my counsellor for over a year. She is the one who suggested The HSP to me and it has been wonderful work. I am so grateful for this book and look forward to the next half of my life living so much more comfortably and confidently.
It is so nice to rediscover our original joys! Best wishes, and by the way, I think many HSPs would love any new research and ideas you can provide moving forward. Those are gifts to us as well.
Good Evening Elaine
Thank you so very much for your thoughtful words & keen insights.
I want to share my pandemic/lockdown experience thus far. I am an introvert & from childhood was very aware of my need for solitude in order to feel balanced. I am living alone (separation from alcoholic husband) and absolutely loving it. When the lockdown went into effect last Spring, I was elated to be at home and was initially surprised by those who were rebelling. I continue to enjoy my time at home on my own and look forward to meeting with people when it is safe to do so. Perhaps the lack of social inactions has made us all take another look at what we concerned “normal” and find a safe and creative new “normal”.
I hope the next three months provide you with the joy you seek. Stay safe.
Warmest Regards,
Kim
Oh Elaine, this is just what I needed today, this year, in this situation. Your words, and the thoughts and plans they unleashed in me, made me so happy that I cried. Thank you so much. I wish you the best health, and continuing happiness in your writing and research.
I’ve always been very aware of everything around me. I can see the mistakes that the editors make on almost everything that I watch. I see and hear everything. I feel emotional for animals and everyone’s pain. I wear my heart on my sleeve.
Wow! What excellent advise. I just discovered you and a read all of this website in the last couple hours and here I am already really happy for you that you have had that kind of experience and are going to do more of what you want. I have a lot to learn about being HSP so I am going to pick up your books. Thank you for all the content you have here. 💜
I finally am relaxing my lifelong dream of writing children’s books for HSP families. The pandemic made me realize I didn’t want to die with my “heart songs” in me! My inner child and higher self began to emerge and I have been more giddy and joyful than I have in a long time! I am very excited to continue the series of 9 books and book 1 is currently for sale “Sunshine and The Power of Words”. Written by me, and HSP that raised 2 grown HSC’s! These books will help HSC’s to not feel alone and will help families understand them better. I am having so much fun and hope to make it my “day job”. I highly recommend searching your soul for what your creativity needs to express and do it!
Infinite love and Gratitude, Tamara S. Graham http://www.TheSunshineBooks.com
I just loved reading this! Sometimes I notice myself doing things that I’ve always done because well…that’s what I’ve always done. But it just doesn’t fulfill me anymore. Time to reevaluate what serves me and what doesn’t and eliminate the latter!
I like it when I think I’ve discovered HSP characters in fictional works such as Goethe’s Werther, (although Werther is maybe a bit too pathetic for me.)
It’s fun to see HSP characters set against clearly non-HSP’s. Like Twain’s (HSP) Huck Finn vs (non-HSP) Tom Sawyer, or Steinbeck’s (HSP) Doc vs (non-HSP) Mac from Cannery Row.
I really like it when a non-HSP character transitions into an HSP in the course of the story. It’s usually an improvement to the character and the author always has to have a reason for it. Like, when Jean Valjean finds God. Or when Shakespear’s Benedict falls in love with Beatrice and she with him, both of whom take on HSP characteristics while they’re in love and revert back to non-HSP’s the instant the love is gone. Hey, nonny, nonny.
I don’t know if Stevenson’s Dr. Jeckyll is HSP or if his Mr. Hyde is a non-HSP, but the transformation from Jeckyll down to Hyde is a sad regression. It is a strange case indeed and it might not be a great example. Mr Hyde, if he is not an outright monster from a nightmare, is at a minimum a narcissist. I sometimes think personality disorders mask any HSP or non-HSP characteristics in people to the point where it is even harder to pick them out.
My favorite is Brecht’s Herr Puntila who occasionally and unfortunately strays too far away from the bottle and as a result suffers a severe attack of sobriety. Each time that dreadful misfortune occurs it is as though a switch is flipped inside of him and the beautiful and charming HSP Herr Puntila becomes the thundering and fist-pounding non-HSP Herr Puntila and those around him work to get him drunk again as soon as possible. It’s perhaps funniest books on my shelf and I often pull it down, read it and chuckle.
Oh…I suddenly feel an attack coming on, myself. Sigh no more. Time to head to Palace Flophouse, take a few pulls off Eddie’s wining jug with Mack and the boys, watch the sunset over the Pacific, one foot on sea, and one on shore, and read some Sherlock Holmes even though, alas, I wish I were reading fictional works by Elaine Aron.
Thank you for your words about being prepared for doubts and criticism when doing something creative. Rejection of my work has stopped me over and over again. But the worst feeling… is the feeling of trying to bend my creativity to please others.
It doesn’t work, I don’t get appreciation, and I feel exhausted.
I appreciate you setting a standard for your work, and pursuing it. Thanks for the blog.
Very validating to hear this. As an HSP and therapist I have learned it can sometimes be a challenge to find balance BUT it is so worth it. I LOVE what I do and have always known it was my calling. I often bask in the gratitude to be able to do the work I want to do. It fills me up spiritually. Gratitude, self compassion, self care and seeing change happen- all these things and more sustain me.
I am somewhat new to discovering myself as an HSP. The book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain opened up doors for me and led me to discovering Dr. Elaine Aron. With gratitude.
Wow I’m glad I discovered this book and discussion. I checked every box on the survey. Now I understand so many things about my life as evidence of high sensitivity rather than just the depression and anxiety I’ve told as my longtime excuse or story. I feel better already. will read more- thanks.
I found that on the journey to happiness, being myself has helped in discovering what I am truly passionate about. It takes space and solace. Sometimes loneliness will creep in and then my focus shifts to ask myself, “Why am I undervaluing myself through loneliness?” It also seems that the more value a task has to me internally the more flustered I get before even starting it. Lol I am not sure if this helps however I recommend bein yourself and listening to your heart, your body and intuition.
Dear Elaine,
Yes to your entire post.
I was just today reading your work describing how HSP/HSS people often finally hit a kind of wall that might draw them back to what they need (often, you note, around 40, and due to their health stopping them). And I had chuckled out loud at that; the pandemic began at 42 for me, and I think now that it prevented me from getting to that probable health crisis. I know for sure that it handed back to me the path of creative spiritual life that I was in danger of missing or at least severely diluting. In these two ways the odd experience of the “brakes” of the pandemic has in fact saved my life. I cannot be grateful for a pandemic that has taken so many lives and in rapid and devastating fashion. But I am surely grateful for the aliveness I have come to feel again, a spring that had gotten mucked full of mud and debris (debris called tens of thousands of professional emails, multiple careers paths atop one another, full workdays of appointments and no break to eat, driving the kids around town to over-scheduled activities, and often working again when they were in bed). After the “brakes” of the pandemic, the spring is cleared out, and I perceive again and anew a depth of beauty and awe around us that was always intensely there for me but is now in flow with a fierce and undeniable current. And now I remember the inspiration that led me into these career paths in the first place. What a loss it would have been had I, in living these careers, muted out the passion that first led me to them. From now on the careers yield to my passion. It’s all so spirituality alive now, even with the children’s ongoing schedules and needs and the same professional roles I had before; aliveness is so tangible here from the curtain-softened private space from which I work and heal and thrive (and yes, zoom for work, a lot). I finished a long standing book project, I generated several new initiatives, I brought large numbers of people together in new ways. I think I am 3x the creative I was before. I think my workplaces won’t even care if I don’t do emails much anymore, because it’s the creative flow they always wanted me to bring them, instead. As it’s going to have to be one or the other, the debris or the spring, I choose the flow. Enjoy yours!
Gratitude,
Anna
P.S. For others reading this, the selection I reference in Elaine’s work is in The Highly Sensitive Person in Love, p.58, the section “The Highly Sensitive Superperson–At Risk,” where I heard loud and clear, “…you are violating who you are and risking your health.” Yes, I was.
P.P.S. I know that for many HSP essential workers, there were never any “brakes” to this pandemic–quite the opposite. I acknowledge that difference and honor your work.
So grateful to you and God. At 68, I’ve found that there is a name to this bundle of weirdities and amazing gifts that is me. I just watched the documentary “Sinsitive” and breathed a great sigh of amazed relief. I’m not weird after all. I’m just different –and in a good way. How much easier life would have been had I known about HSPs before. Bless you.
I am working full time and I love it. Not absolutely always. But most of the time. I do not seek the ultimate happiness I believe it exists only in glimpses.
One thing I have learned in life is not to have too high expectations.
The greatest happiness for me is in fact my inner silence and calm. Difficult to explain and completely immaterial.
Id guess that you might struggle with this but there are times (far longer than 3 months) that I would just love to bundle up and watch old movies, go out for some occasional fresh air. Virtually every moment that I am not working or caregiving for my dad is spent recharging and regrouping for the next day. Doing anything is the last thing I would want to do! We fellow HSPs can fend for ourselves as I’m guessing that you may need so much more time away than you might think. Just sharing my experience of course everyone else’s mileage may vary. 🤍
Good for you for taking the time to care for yourself! Thank you for the advice. Blessings as you explore your creative side.
The pandemics have been kind of wear to me, with some good moments, some bad moments. When it all started one year ago, I took it with ease and was relieved. Regarding my studies (master’s degree student at the time), I thought it would be about 90 % the same as in the lab, except for some material I could only use there. I began doing other stuff I wanted, mainly learning things that I knew I would use in the future. I gave my time for some relaxing activities and focused more on my personal development.
On the other hand, I had as well some harrowing experiences. I had to stop some important projects for me back then, especially meeting new people and going out, which I really need. I also had a harrowing experience with a girl that caused me a lot of pain and fear. The pandemic finally exploded some family problems that we have had for a while, not with my core family (parents and siblings) but from uncles and a grandparent. Three of my relatives (an uncle and two grandparents) died, although not from COVID. The most challenging moment was when my grandmother died, all the family was in grief, and I could not get support (physically close) from anyone. However, I did get distant friends’ support. When my first relative died, I had a moment of much anxiety, so I searched for help from a psychotherapist. We have been treating the experience I had with the girl, healing injures from my childhood, changing some prejudices, and some more inner work. It has been challenging and hard, but it is worth it.
At the time, I did not know I was an HSP; I knew all along about it but could not name it or describe it. I found out about it in a YouTube video, and I felt a great affinity with the concept. Suddenly I felt with great joy and excitement that this was me. I began researching more about it and found about you and your books. I bought “Highly Sensitive Person, How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You” and “Highly Sensitive Person in Love.”
Along with the therapy, both have been of great help and describe perfectly many of my behaviors and experiences. I had helped accept myself as who I am and discover new parts of me, some of which required healing. I’m still working on myself and understanding who I am, and I will reframe my work and my goals and projects in the light of this new knowledge. Knowing that I’m not alone was pleasant and charming.
I must say that feeling care for others such deeply is beautiful. Thanks a lot for the help you have given us; it has been great, at least for me.
I wish you all the best and keep being awesome. Cheers.
Writing:”none of us will live forever”, it feels so tender of you. Time is so wonderful for expand our creativity; maybe God’s words will be true for future life. Know about you make us to really know ourselves in a good better way that only need to say: thank you so much!
Awesome good job